Warning: Children and men, cover your ears. If you don’t, you may go blind. (Or maybe you’ll learn something and have compassion for some other woman). Prissy butts, you too. Don’t go all gossipy on me later, saying that this was over the line. You were warned.
Damn. Seriously, Damn. It’s three-fifteen AM and I’m writing a blog post. If that strikes you as messed up, it is. When I woke up ? long ago, I figured it was probably close to five AM, and that seemed messed up… but at least within the realm of possibility. I tried following all those experts’ advice, and didn’t look at the clock… at first. But then I had to. I was awake. Three AM? What! Damn. This…well this is just… plain biological. File this under: messed up and TMI. It’s a hot flash.
Harness the energy!
image: thebonearchitect.wordpress.com
For a few weeks now I’ve been feeling off. Last night at dinner, I suddenly felt as if I was blushing, my face on fire. Our kitchen felt 100 degrees and I was all clammy. I think I’m coming down with something. Do I feel feverish? I asked Smart Guy. He dutifully felt my forehead. What fool of a husband would not feel their wife’s forehead, when she leans in and insists? “No, you don’t feel feverish.” I feel clammy. Does my forehead seem clammy? He looked a bit paralyzed. What fool of a husband wouldn’t validate that statement, lest they be called insensitive for not agreeing with clammy. That said, who really wants to feel “clammy?” Poor guy; I’ll give him that. “Yes, you feel a little sweaty.” Trust me, it was not hot in our kitchen. From there, he just looked stumped.
So, as I lay here this morning… burning up… I was sure I had something. Sudden onset fevers, or bouts of clammy, hmmm? Restless and can’t sleep, hmmm? I lay here and rationalized for several minutes. The voice over would sound something like this, say in Diane Keaton’s voice, pretty much one run on sentence:
Baby, I’m on fire!
Image: healthtap.com
Man it’s so hot tonight, even with the window open. (actually, 64 degrees) This Tempurpedic (mattress) is ridiculous! It holds the heat. Sometimes I hate this mattress. Usually I love it though. Go back to sleep… Slow, deep breaths. But I’m hot. Night sweats, doesn’t cancer cause night sweats? It’s because I didn’t post my blog yesterday. I’m dropping the ball, because of this NaNoWriMo thing (National Novel Writing Month). I missed my blog, writing for NNWM (I didn’t actually abbreviate… when I was thinking). Should I post on Tuesday? No, I’ll let this go and not worry about it. I’m not that neurotic. I doubt anyone will really notice anyway. (For the record, not so- I’ll come back to that). I wonder what time it is? Probably five? Five-thirty? Just breath… try to sleep…. How could people not vote. Really? I mean, besides people who have REAL issues: like they live so remotely and have no transportation, or they can’t read and write… that would be so hard… but they can sign with an X and there are all kinds of people working for both Obama and Romney, and those other candidates, who want to drive them… I bet Gary Johnson doesn’t have people to drive them. No, everyone should vote. Yeah, but there are people out there who really have it hard, and voting is not on their list of worries. But, it probably should be. We live in a place where we can vote, how can you not do it? They should vote. I’d prefer they vote for my guy, but the right thing to say would be, just vote. My mother never voted in her life. I found that out when she was in hospice. It truly shocked me. I can’t imagine not voting. I remember going to my high school gym, my senior year and voting for the first time. I think my friend Valery came too. Wait, did Val come? I think she did. My guy lost, but man I was so proud of myself. I should write a post about the importance of voting. Maybe my humble post will actually encourage one person to go vote. Wait, it’s election day. Anyone who is still thinking they won’t vote, probably didn’t register either. They can’t vote. Whoa! They can’t vote! That sucks. I wonder if Romney and Obama have thought of that. I should be sleeping. Try to sleep. Count slowly. One. Two. Three. Four. I bet Obama is not getting any sleep at all. How could you sleep if you were wondering if all your work, well… worked? Maybe he sleeps for minutes at a time on that bus. Or Airforce One. Is it still Airforce One? I need to look that up. I can’t sleep, and it’s so f’ing hot in here, even without my comforter. Maybe I should just get up and do some writing. I have to be up in an hour or so anyway. Screw this, I want to know what time it is. Three! Is that a three? (I push the button that lights up my clock, three times). Shit! Its three in the morning and I’m wide awake. Burning up. This sounds familiar. Didn’t (blank) tell me she kept waking up like this? It went on and on and she got no sleep and was getting hot all the time. All sweaty… wait. Hot flashes, she was having hot flashes! Oh my God, I’m having hot flashes. No more babies. I don’t want a baby… Maybe it would be nice. No. It would not. I can’t believe it’s flipping three AM and I can’t sleep and I’m having a hot flash and by the end of the day the election will be over and I’ll stop getting all those emails (Read My Affair With Barack Obama, it’s pretty funny and took a lot effort to write. It deserves your attention) and Romney or Obama will be so bummed out… I just can’t believe they spent one billion dollars on this election a billion dollars could do so much and help so many people I should have people over to eat pizza and watch election results we did that in 2008 and it was so emotional and amazing to watch that election and I got Little Man up to watch it with us and we all told him he was seeing history and how could people not vote when it’s so important and I’m up with hot flashes but now it’s freezing in here hell it’s cold I can’t believe I have hot flashes news flash it’s a hot flash that’s a good title if only I could think of a title for my novel I could publish it why is it so easy to think of three blog titles per week but I can’t think of a title for my blog… I should get up and write that blog post.
Seriously? I am so done with kids.
Image: sodahead.com
Final notes: I did not think anything in parenthesis, at the time. When I got up and turned on my laptop, which I never have in bed, (but I watched a show on it before bed last night) I saw that my friend Liz had noted on Facebook that I was depriving her of something to read with coffee, by not posting my blog. This is dedicated to Liz. It’s her fault that I’m not sleeping right now and writing a blog at (now) 4 AM. I plan to Google hot flashes, post this blog, try to sleep a little more… or take a nap later… and follow the election results. Not necessarily in that order. If you are up too (hell, it’s 7:15 on the East coast), you can read this with your coffee. Then hit like… because I’m having a hot flash, I just figured it out, and took the time to write a blog about it. You owe me that much. Hell, these are hot flashes, I deserve a Freshly Pressed for blogging about it. If you found a bunch of typos, it’s four in the morning; get over it!
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
I don’t feel so bad for waking up at 5 a.m. now LOL! And I hate my Tempurpedic mattress, always have. It is too damn hot. Maybe you’ll get a nap this afternoon. Maybe I will too. Probably not. Yours in tiredness and sweats LOL. Try to have a good day. 🙂
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Thank you Fern. Right now, I’m just counting the hour until my son leaves for school and I can lie back down and sleep. By 5:45, I realized that I shouldn’t fall asleep… I’d feel worse. Yes, it’s truly 64 in this room and the mattress is hot. Damn. Aging sucks. Thanks for checking out my post and sharing your thoughts. I hope you’ll check out some older ones too… or new ones. 😉
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Will do. It sounds like our kids are almost the same age. I think we’ll share a lot in common! Ciao for now. 🙂
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When I’m awake again… I’ll check out your page. I write a lot about “our age, our kids,”… that could be good or bad. 😉
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Welcome to the club! Start reading Barbara Younger’s “Friend for the Ride” blog!
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Will do Lisa… when my eyes are focused and I don’t feel like doo doo. Have a good day!
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Oh, Dawn, it sucks, doesn’t it? What you wrote was dang funny. Talk about “self-talk!” If I wasn’t a therapist I’d think I was in need of medication. It really doesn’t occur to us until a pattern sets in that these clammy, hot moments are indeed hot flashes. Similarly, at age 40, I started squinting and it never occurred to me that I needed glasses. I think in our heads we’re still 18 years old. The idea of getting old, and all that it entails, is something that we naturally deny. At least I do!
Great post, per usual!
Now get some sleep!
Lisa
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I have to wait until my boy leaves for school and then I hope to go back to sleep for a while. Screw NNWM for a while. :-p Of course, as I wait for him to wake up, I can barely keep my eyes open! Yes, it all sucks. Aging. Hot Flashes (duh, duh, duh!). All. Of. It. Thanks for commiserating Lisa. 😉
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haha! Oh, Dawn, it sucks, doesn’t it? In my head I’m 18 years old. The idea of hot flashes doesn’t occur to me, it doesn’t compute. The same thing happened when I was around 40 and started squinting. I didn’t even consider that I needed glasses! Duh!
Party on my friend! I’m with you in spirit. We are part of an exclusive club. NO MEN ALLOWED!
Have a great and flash free day!!
Lisa
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Ok Lisa, I just may be over-exhausted and unable to think clearly, but did you comment twice? Under two names… almost the same comment? Is this an aging thing too, or are there three Lisas now? I certainly love it if you read it twice! 😉
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ahahahha! I commented the first time on my iPad and it said it didn’t go through! I then went to my computer and tried to re-create the original – because it was obviously brilliant. *cough*
Just delete the lesser one. ahah! It is old age! I know nothing about computers.
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Relax Dawn, these too shall pass. Hell, mine only lasted about 10 years! Doesn’t seem fair though. First cramps and bloating, then morning sickness and childbirth, finally the damn hot flashes and weight gain. If onlly Eve hadn’t taken a bite of that apple…
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Do not even say the words ten years, in the same sentence as hot flashes Sally! I can not handle that. Came on like gang busters and I’m kind of still hoping it’s just the flu. 😉 Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Tickles me no end to know that you follow along. xo
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A power surge! I keep wondering when I’m going to be there. And then I think that maybe perhaps I won’t, because I have hormonal support. Without it, I get a week of migraines every month. Without hormonal support, I break out like I’m 16, I am more than irritable and I can’t stand myself. I wish you luck along this journey. Have you thought about bio-identical hormones?
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I haven’t thought of anything… let alone big hormone words…I’ve been up since 3! I will look it up though. Thanks M2M!
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Hey, menopause, nice to meet you! I am sure we will be great friends ;). New phase – it’s exciting, right? And hot ;). Look I don’t understand the no voting thing either. In Australia, where I live, voting is compulsory. There are still people who don’t vote though, or deliberately mess their vote up so it doesn’t count (donkey vote). To me, voting is a privilege. There are people around the world fighting and dying for their right to have a say in how their country is run. But in our countries there are people who just can’t be bothered. Go figure.
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My, oh my. I’m not sure I can muster that much enthusiasm for menopause… at least today. Up since 3 AM, I’m happy to just be able to still type. I am hoping, praying, to eat lunch in a short while and then take a nap. I need a nap so that I can then watch the election and see how those who did vote went! If it goes a certain way, I may stay in bed for the next few weeks… or move to Australia, a place I dearly love! 🙂 Yes, hard to understand those in either of our countries who would piss away such a privilege. I like that it’s compulsory there. Excellent idea. Another reason to love Australia. Thanks for stopping by Sara!
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It’s all right for me, menopause is 15+ years away. Let’s see how enthusiastic I am then :). Are you happy with how the election turned out?
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I am VERY happy with the results. I support the President and hope to see him make the next 4 years more successful; and I am thrilled that WA state (where I live) has legalized same sex marriage. It makes me proud that I live in a place where everyone has an equal right to divorce, or happily ever after. Best of all, I’m glad it’s all over! It had run its course for sure.
So glad that you continue to read Sara. You represent the younger set that I hope to win, eventually… you can tell me when it gets boring! 😉
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ok 🙂 I’m happy about the result too.
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🙂
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Great post! So, if you want to hear from someone who’s been down this path for a while, I can give you a few hints:
1. Go with it! Write about what this means to you. There’s no stopping it. But, there are some adjustments you can make.
2. Be prepared to wake almost every night. Have a podcast ready to listen to. Or have your computer near you and watch something. Prepare for about 30 minutes of being awake. It’s usually my excuse to watch stuff I wouldn’t admit to…
3. There are a few triggers for hot flashes – for me it is caffeine and sugar. Avoid them, or know that a surge will come.
4. Either go stand outside for a few minutes to cool your body down, or seriously think of an air conditioner for your bedroom window. Sleeping in a freezer is a comfort. Hubby can warm up with a down comforter.
I had a women’s circle when I turned 40 to talk about what was ahead. I didn’t need the info until I was 55!
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Thanks Mama. I hate to even imagine that this might last. I will close my eyes and pretend it’s not true for as long as I can, and then update my netflix list. Feh. Feh! Appreciate all the good advice, and now I plan to sleep until dinner… and then hope that our country stays in good hands. :-p
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hot flashes or not, I loved your blog as usual. Since I didn’t get to sleep til around 330 and got up at 530, I may be overly mushy here. You may not realize how you have touched my life (again) or the lives of others. The walls I’ve kept up around myself for decades are slowly coming down, now that I realize I’m not the only one who feels the way I do about the wacky childhood I lived through. Sincerest thanks. Please keep up the amazing posts. We love them. By “we”, I mean everyone who is reading them!! Love ya!!
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Thanks “Someone.” I am glad that my writing touches you, and helps you make your own discoveries. I don’t know who you are, really, so I while I may not realize how much this has meant to you, it means a lot that you took the time to tell me. I’ll try and remember that if I’m up burning up again tonight. 😉 Thank YOU.
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PS) hope we both get some sleep tonight!
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ok, that took an enormous amount of time to post and I have no idea why I ended up being anonymous. Weird. I hope we sleep tonight also. With no hot flashes for you!!–Liz
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Ahh, Liz! always wonderful to have you reading and commenting. Yes, let’s hope we both sleep! I hope this election is tied up and I can go to sleep by 9. Can’t sleep without knowing… talk about hot flashes! 😉
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I feel like Liz, enjoying “Tales” with a cup of coffee! 🙂
30+ years ago, was I there? I’m not sure… I have only hazy memories of my first voting experiences, sad to admit! BUT: I do cherish my right-to-vote. That said, there is urgent need to regulate the onslaught of political advertising!
I am jealous of you, my friend. Jealous, I say. Some evil power flipped a switch in June 2010 causing excruciating results. Checking off the laundry list of possible remedies with my MD: oh-so-fun. :-p Bring on the hot flashes!
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So sorry to hear that Val. I have heard mixed comments about the outcome of that situation, but mostly negative. I may not like sleepless nights, but I’m glad to let my body do what it needs to do. 😉
I’m pretty sure we went to vote, together. If not, then it’s a nice faux memory.
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