I get that generation after generation has felt like I do: some of this newfangled stuff is just doodoo. So I’m an old lady. Bah!  If you ever worked in a restaurant, which I did for nearly 15 years (from age 14 when I got my first job, bussing tables at an Italian restaurant where I grew up), than you know that “86” means out of, end of, no more… stop it! Becoming Cliche has reminded me (ok, informed me) that it is Festivus. As a die hard Seinfeld fan, I somehow missed that one. Watch this video to get with the program, and then let the kvetching begin.  These are some things I think just need to be 86’ed!

image: blog.beaumontenterprise.com

Since I already jumped in and said doodoo, I’ll start there. I get that we have become a society that must be attached to our cell phones at all times. I understand that very important calls may be missed if you don’t have your phone on and with you at all times—seriously, it is critical that you be reached at any given moment. Got it. However, there are some things that this has lead to that I do not get, nor will I ever get it. Top of that list: talking on your cell while you’re in a public bathroom, on the toilet. Let me start with Ewww! Seriously, ewe! It’s gross people, wicked gross! Every time I’m in a public bathroom, which aside from Nordstrom’s is a gross experience in general anyway, I am amazed to hear some idiot moron misguided fool person chatting away in a nearby stall. “Yeah, really! She told him that she was tired of his sorry ass…” “Well, if I get home in time we could order pizza…” All-important things, no doubt… but while you’re doing your business? You need to talk while you sit on a toilet? It could not wait just a few minutes more, until you are outside the bathroom, to say whatever you’re saying… that we all have to sit and listen to?? Really! I admit, it really tempts my inner 13-year-old boy and I want to make loud farting sounds, or have a loud, fake conversation that this person will have to explain to whoever they’re talking to. I want to flush my toilet over and over—if my environmental self didn’t get in the way. I want to join their conversation, from my stall: “No kidding! He is such a douche!” “I really like extra cheese and fresh mushrooms on my pizza.”  People, don’t talk on your cell phones in a public bathroom. What you do in your own bathroom is entirely up to you, but this is jus wrong on too many levels to fully exploit here.

Lots of reasons to dislike cell phones…
Image: blog.wirelsszone.com

<– (Cell phone issues abound) A cell phone follow-up: the restaurant cell phone chatter. Ugh. Ok, so you’re dining alone, or your dining partner isn’t interesting enough and you decide to chitchat on your cell phone? The rest of us don’t want to listen to you. Inevitably, these same people seem to think they need to talk much louder, because cell phones deafen the person on the other line? They sit in a restaurant and loudly carry on all kinds of conversations, while the rest of us can barely hear what the person across from us is saying. Etiquette 102 (E 101 refers to bathroom talk): turn your ringer down; lower your voice, and better yet: hang up and eat!

Tights or leggings as pants— it doesn’t work. I’m not sure how this trend became so popular, but those black stretch leggings or tights really don’t look that great on most people. They are often stretched so thin we can see your skin, and you. Yes, we can see your butt. I know, I seem to talk about people’s butts a lot, but they seem to be on display a whole lot more than I think they should be. Thong lines, skin, muffins, and cellulite—the public can see it all through those silly things ladies.  They are rarely flattering and don’t think that a clunky Ugg or hip boot improves the situation. Under a long sweater, dress, etc. maybe… but overall they just look wrong to me.

Can you say Ugly?
Image: thefashionisto.com

It’s not just the ladies with fashion problems though. Just when it appeared that men wearing their pants hanging 6-12” below their hips, underwear on display for all, was finally going out of style (what a long, cruel run that was!) there is the drop crotch pant— for men. Ugh. Seriously? There is the vaguest of possibilities that these might look good on women, but not on men. These ridiculous pants almost make me want to see the low low-riders come back. Almost.

Political bashing, trash talking, Facebook posting ramblings about an election that is over and spewing about who’s fault it is for every problem the U.S. has right now—it’s every- where! The election was won by one person, and if the other person had won perhaps the mud would be slung in the other direction. Who knows? But, the election is over. Get over it and move on. Unless you actually have a viable solution for any of these problems. Then, step up and do something constructive.

Get real! There’s a lot to choose from…
Image: theprofessionalsprogam.com

Reality TV—Ok, I’m coming clean here, it sucks me in and I am drugged. Lying on a couch for much of a week, recovering from knee surgery… reading was difficult to impossible; comfort nearly impossible, that’s what I did. Hours of it. My brain hurts. It’s horrible stuff; it’s viral. In fact everything is viral. Viral is the new ticket to fame: whether you have the biggest zit in the world, your babies laugh at paper, you dress like a whore (male or female here, folks) and basically act like one too, or you want to tell everyone that you have more than them, or… It’s endless. It is an interesting cultural phenomenon that if you check out the TV listing page, there is a sea of reality TV. Magazine covers scream the latest news about people who have done little other than behave badly on reality shows. Millions watch watch them date multiple men/women and then choose one for true love. They watch them bitch and snipe at each other while they compare their wealthy lives to the other bitchy snipey women around them. They watch them live their Amish/Doomsday Prepper/cooking-and being perfect-domestic Goddessness/fishing in Alaska/driving trucks on ice/ cutting down trees/selling real estate to all kinds of people while viewers watch buyers decide… it is endless. I wish it would end.

Girls in high school dressing like they’re in college- Ok, I’m sure to piss some people off here, but it seems to me that I’m constantly seeing pictures of girls who are in high school dressed in skin tight mini-mini skirts with umpteen inch heels. I’m not mother of the year, no doubt about that, but I know that 15, 16, 17 and 18 year old girls don’t need to be racing straight into mature situations and looks. I know that we’re not meant to be our kid’s best friends, but the bad guys who say “no.” If parents don’t get that when girls look like that, boys and men notice them, they can’t really be shocked when they do.  There’s such a push for young girls to be dating and looking mature, and then parents are shocked when their kids graduate and have had experiences that curl their parents’ toes. You can’t put genies back in a bottle, but it’s sad to see over and over.  Note: I get that it shouldn’t be all on girls, but when girls look like grown women, it’s hard to control boys. That said, parents need to tell their boys what’s right and wrong too.

Young celebrities with repeat DUIs and drug charges, who never seem to serve time. What’s up with this? Do celebrities driving drunk kill people less harshly? When did it become legal for underage celebrities to be in clubs drinking, in the first place? There is a story almost weekly about some young celebrity being photographed wasted, or being arrested and then released (over and over) for drinking/drugging and driving. It’s sick and a terrible example for young people who idolize them. Step up legal system and do the right thing.

Image: pcmag.com

Final hit to cell phones: when you get in your car, don’t text; don’t dial, put it down. I am as attached to my cell phone as lots of others, but it is just shocking every time I see someone’s head bobbing up and down as they drive… and text. It’s become too familiar: they look up, they look down, up-down-up, they’re texting. It’s not just teens folks, but lots and lots of adults too. If you’re going to use your phone in the car, get a hands free; not because it’s safe, but because your hands need to be on the wheel. Frankly, I wish cell phones in cars were banned. I don’t break the law; I’d put my phone away. The cell has just become such a part of our lives that we don’t make wise decisions, when left to our own. 86 it!

What would you 86? What trends or pet peeves would you like to see go away? Share your thoughts.  Please check out the Tales From the Motherland Facebook  (click link) page and hit like. It’s the gift that keeps giving.

One last chance to witness Festivus: