At writing group this week, the writing prompt was “If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would you change?” We are given 5 minutes to write a response. The Writing Goddesses in my group said: “There’s a blog post.” So here it is, the challenge part, with a few small edits. Not easy to put it out there, but this stuff is real.
If I could change one thing about the way I was raised, I would ask to be raised. I feel like I grew from a young child to an adult with plenty of adults watching, guessing, figuring it out—plenty of adults judging—but none of them really raising me. I wish I’d had solid, caring adults around me whose purpose was to be there for me, to guide me, to make sure I knew what the road ahead could be like. In a perfect world, my father would not have been killed so early in my life, but then someone would have been there to say that scary things don’t really lurk around every corner. “There, there, it will be ok,” they would have whispered to my terrified self. Someone would have made sure that consistency was real: that meals together, stories and baths, and family adventures were the routine, and that routines could be counted on, not wished for.
There was no sense that someone was steering the ship—that lifeboats were available and equipped, and that someone would make sure I didn’t end up in mean icy water, alone, when the ship went down. ‘Cause our ship was the Titanic… with icebergs all around… and not enough life jackets… and no Captain.
I’d wish for a solid, caring adult there to tell me I was smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough—Enough. I’d like someone to have raised me to know that I was enough, just as I was, or am. My aunt recently told me: “You are from good, strong stock.” Oh, to have heard that when I was ten.
What would you change about how you were raised? Anything? Everything? Share a though; leave a comment; I love it! Hit like, because I’m an insecure, needy gal, who loves that. And again, thanks for all the good stuff folks.
Part Two, The Award:
Borrowed from Duck
Thank you so much to Sarah (AKA: The Laughing Duck) over at Cackles.From.A.Mad.Duck for giving me the Liebster award. You should check her blog out, because it’s witty, alternative and very clever. If you have daughters, who are in high school, they could probably get some inspiration from this chick (yo, pun); cause she’s the real deal.
Technically, it’s a nomination, and I am meant to then nominate others. Alas, while my fellow nominees are terribly talented, I really want this all to myself! I want to win. Having done it a few times now, I don’t have too many fresh suggestions, and answering questions about myself seems redundant, since you’re reading my blog. It’s all here. The deal is that I tell you a few things about myself, I recommend some other bloggers. They do the same and put a link back to my blog. We all feel good, and you get to check out some other wonderful writers. I don’t have much more to say about myself, but I’ll play fair and give the basics, following The Duck’s lead. Here goes:
Music: Well, that might be old for some of you. I’ve written an awful lot about music. Hell, my novel is all about music too! Check out this, and this, and this. There are standards, people/groups I never tire of: I’ve been listening to Stevie Nicks’ Edge of 17 (it pursues me on the radio), The Cure (forever), Peter Gabriel (longer than forever), Crowded House. But lately, I am totally in love with Metric, The Lumineers, Pink, Of Monsters and Men (the whole CD rocks), and found
Leisure: Lunch with friends- anytime. Writing. Movies. Hiking. Sailing. Skiing, but not this year: ouchy knee. Travel- the more challenging the better. Singing. Fine dining. Or good food.
Love interest: My kids, Smart Guy
And now to pass it one. Ok, I hate this part. I don’t want anyone to feel like I picked one and not another, but that’s part of this gig. These pare blogs that I read, that I haven’t recommended in the past. Check out these blogs: A Gripping Life (Lisa is full of wisdom); Rebecca Kilbreath (edgy, sharp, and funny- in an edgy, dark kind of way); Applecore (has nothing to do with apples and everything to do with travel, and living places for 6 months- coolio!); Hot Pink Underwear (not as sexy as it sounds, but I love this woman!); JeanDayFriday (her name is not Jean, but love how she thinks and what she writes); and Smells Good, Feels Good (this Aussie chick is so cool. Her life is so interesting- I want to swim in her swimming hole, but she’s centered and interesting).
An announcement: I plan to cut back on blogging. Probably 2x a week. I need to clear my head and figure out what I want from this. I need to work on the novel. I need to do that! I need to work out some things that are bothering me with this blog world and how it effects my writing. Thanks for the kind, generous support from those of you who take the time to read what I write. I work hard at it, and I appreciate the feedback and support. I honestly appreciate that people take time to read what I put out there. No more deadlines; I’ll write when I write.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
No need to apologize– write when you want!
Good writing prompt and even better that you’re in a writing group- I’m not disciplined enough to be in any groups- writing, book, etc. Maybe I should try. Congrats on the award!
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LOVE my writing group. I am so lucky to be with some incredibly talented people, who hold my feet to the fire, but support me in doing what I love and doing it well. It was a random, but very interesting writing challenge.
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What you want to write, when you want to write – that’s my kind of writing:)
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Thanks girlfriend. So appreciate your support over time. Muchas gracias!
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Writing gets good when we hit pay dirt like that prompt. We all need to listen to that inner voice, and I suspect you did quite a good job at raising your family. Enough is perfect! Chris
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Thanks Chris! Much appreciated, and thanks for the kind words. I’m working on listening to the inner voice. It’s a work in progress. 😉
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You really do get to the raw stuff in life. I have to say that I started a response to this before I finished reading. Such a good prompt. I wish I had been raised with unconditional love and encouragement for what I was good at. In my 30’s, my mom told me one day that an old friend had asked if I was still a scatterbrain. I know my mom made that up. There is no one who would have called me a scatterbrain then or now. Well, possibly a bit in my old age, but the ones who know me now would say it with affection, not as a criticism. My father was a good man, but blind to what went on during the day when he was at work. The good news out of that was I sure knew how important it was to raising my own daughter who is full of confidence. My mother, at 88, with advancing Alzheimers, made a point of telling me I was too fat while I was walking with her on her birthday. I would love to have heard either one of my parents tell me “I love you.” Neither one of my parents ever said that to me. Even now, on the phone, I end calls to my Mom with “I love you” and I get nothing back. Fortunately, mother-in-law knew all about unconditional love, my husband knows all about it, and my chosen family ends phone call, ends visits, ends quick chats with “love you” and I am filled with love and encouragement from a loving community, including you Dawn! Thanks for the opportunity to express that in writing!
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Well Someone, I am deeply touched… and not sure who you are. Guessing, but in my never ending tendency to write this blog with my head in the sand (if I pretend that no one I know is reading, will it be true?), it makes it hard for me to be sure who’s commenting. That said, I’m honored, sincerely, if I’ve given encouragement and love, where it hasn’t been before. I really do get, GET, what that means, and I hope to always give it to those I am close to… as they so often give to me. This is a powerful comment, and I’m so grateful you chose to share it. Thanks for taking the time to share it here, and to read my work. xo
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Weird that my signature went in as anonymous because I was logged in… and I did want you to know it was I who was writing because I knew you would find it more interesting knowing it was I. I really also just like you to know that people you know are reading! Keep it up!
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Thanks Heidi! All the sweeter to know it’s you. Honestly, I try to block that people I know, might be reading… but not everyone! 🙂 Thanks for illuminating the mystery. xo
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I like Metric, too. I really want to download their song from the Twilight movie (“I’m All Yours”), but you can only get it by downloading the whole soundtrack, and I don’t want to do that. It’s the principle of the thing, I guess. Too bad, too, cause it’s a great song.
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Totally agree with you Carrie… can’t give money to Twighlight, or any of that. Ugh. But Metric: love pretty much everything they do!
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I just finished reading your wonderful post. Sometimes I save my favorites for the end of the day when I’m relaxing. Dawn, you and I had similar childhoods, though my father didn’t die, he was emotionally absent from my life. Believe it or not, your wish is basically my wish. No one was there steering my ship either. It felt like everyman for himself. Like you, I had no one guiding me, instructing me or caring about my decisions and choices. I had no routine and one to tell me I was enough. There were adults there, but never did they step in and provide the security that I needed and desired. As I was reading your post, which obviously could have been my own, I started thinking that maybe that’s why we both became counselors. We love people the way we always wanted to be loved and cared for? We bring order to chaos and calm rattled nerves. We have finely tuned radars from having to go it alone through the icebergs. That’s who we are.
I felt connected to you before, even our music taste is the same, but now, holy moly – I feel so bonded with you. We are clearly from the same tribe, cut from the same cloth. Our life experience, including our birth year, makes us real sisters. 🙂 I am so very thankful that our paths have crossed. xoxox
Hey lady, giving me an award on top of everything else is awesome!! It’s very special coming from you. It means a lot to me. You deserve every award that comes your way. Your writing is like buttah! I love it over here. I know that when I check in, I’m always gonna read something worthwhile, something with quality and style. That’s just who you are. You are the sweet spot where strength and vulnerability intersect. Anyone who has found your blog, knows this to be true.
xoxox
Lisa
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Wow. I mean, just wow. Thanks Lisa. I am SO not feeling like any of this is true, for me right now… but thanks for rubbing my face in that sweetness. I am licking the whipped cream of sweetness right now. (Um, that seems like it could be an R rated post… no?). Much appreciated darlin’. For realsy.
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haha! You always make me laugh! What I wrote was defs for realsy.
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Most of us grow up thinking our family is normal. Then we meet someone else’s family. More than once I felt like “I don’t want to go home. I like it better here.” Maybe that was you, too. At any rate, I love how courageous you are to put yourself boldly out there. I also love how you write, so I will miss not getting as many regular posts. However, if that means one day getting to read a book you author, I support your efforts 100%! I also humbly appreciate the recognition you have bestowed on my Applecore blog. Thank you. It is high praise coming from you. And I will be sure to follow your suggestion and check out the blogs of the other award winners.
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Thanks Mike. So very appreciated. I am often most humbled by the other bloggers I admire. And, interestingly (or not), stung by others I admire. Gotta work on that second one. 😉 Thanks.
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Ahem, let me once again quote Adam (and darn if he does magically appear again on the precise comment I mention him) : never apologize for doesn’tmatterwhat. This is your blog and your space so to hell with us, we’re obligated to like any who (:
That was such a sweet intro (‘: Ce Ducky est tres touched. Actually laughed that you followed my supposed ‘lead’ for sharing random thoughts of myself as I was completely and utterly bs-ing since I’m too laz-way too cool for the rules.
Write when the moment strikes! Har – I’m a poet and didn’t know it. Kill me now.
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No Adam… he’s been MIA. I’m not really apologizing. I guess I should watch my wording. I think I’m just saying that this is what I need to do for a while. Not feeling as inspired, and struggling to find things I want to write about… and finding the world of blogging a bit disheartening at times. My issues, but no need to feed them. But thanks girlie.
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I realize ): Wonder what he’s been up to. Up right and ditched school (blogging) and all his cool internet friends. I can relate, I always struggle with what I want to write about and what I want my blog to be presented as.
Give it a good run, keep in touch (:
No problems ,
Ducky
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I’m not going anywhere… I need to work on my novel, and I need to not let some of the blogging world bring me down. Again, MY issue. I let things get to me that shouldn’t, and I think it’s a good time to just step back a little and get clearer perspective on my blogging goals. Love meeting great folks like you, and numerous other fun and caring bloggers. Love the dialogues, and “meeting” people I wouldn’t have met… just working on getting some discipline with other writing projects. I will be blogging 2x a week, I’m sure. Addictions take a while to beat. wink wink.
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Addicts attract. If I could have it my way we would all be stoked for life on this little ‘playground’
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Oh, you are young, baby… trust me, it’s a slippery slope! Real life is so much richer.
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Dawn…how brave and generous to share these thoughts with us…I know you have helped others. Last year, Marylin over at Things I Need to Tell My Mother had a contest…I entered and I think my submission will speak to you:
FEARS OF THE INNER CHILD
Childhood often invades adult life.
Fears laid down early create later strife.
Afraid of adventure and trying new things,
Mom constantly cautioned: Be careful! Life stings!
To conquer that panic is my fervent wish.
I’ve parasailed, skydived and swum with the fish.
And here’s the link to that post if you want to see skydiving pics of me and my son:http://viviankirkfield.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/sunday-post-landscapes-and-a-february-poetry-contest/
I totally understand about stepping back from blogging so that you can write…not that blogging isn’t also writing, but I know you don’t mean that kind. I, too, have to be careful…reading posts, commenting, answering email, blogging…it’s all fun and wonderful…but it eats up time.:)
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I’ll definitely read this; thanks Vivian! Yes, blogging and reading blogs can be a real time suck! Love doing it, and really appreciate so much of what I read, etc but get so caught up in it… and I let too many things get to me, that shouldn’t. Yes, old injuries, getting in my way. I am grateful for all the good people I’ve met (hello Vivian), but also need to figure out what to avoid. Working on a bunch of stuff right now… it feels endless sometimes.
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Hi Dawn, I’m so glad to have discovered your smart, heartfelt blog. I’ve been reading several of your excellent posts today, and the last line of this one captivated me. “No more deadlines; I’ll write when I write.” I like that … a lot. Wishing you all the best, Terri
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Terri, I’m so happy you found my blog and have been enjoying it. Your time and the effort to comment are much appreciated. I am working on honoring that thought… I get caught in my own expectations, for sure, but I’m working on letting go of that, and writing from the desire to write, rather than a sense of duty. Again, thanks for stopping in… I hope you’ll keep reading. 🙂
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