Foolishly, I added the wrong link when I was putting this one up. Sorry to those of you who went back and found my older story… This is the 2nd story.
I’ve never done two stories for the weekly Friday Fictioneers’ prompt, but since posting yesterday, this story has been burning in my head. It’s a much darker approach than I usually take. Let me know what you think! Check out the Fictioneers, here.
Feedback, positive or constructive, is always appreciated. Please leave a comment.
Copyright: Adam Ickes
(100 words, exactly)
A young member of the search party noticed the tangled braid, buried beneath a pine and dirt blanket– then a child’s hand. She screamed, alerting the others.
Amanda vanished from the campground while her father got firewood and her mother was at the latrines getting more water. Upon returning, their nine year old was gone– her book lay in the dirt.
“Who would do such a thing?” the mother wailed when the child’s molested body was recovered.
The size 11 boots sat unnoticed at the visitor’s center, a smear of DNA and a single fingerprint invisible to those passing by.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
That was brilliantly crafted. So much said in so few words 🙂
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Thanks Helen! This is the first time I’ve written 2 stories for the same week, but this one just wanted to be heard. 😉 So glad you liked it.
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oh, sends shivers through me, that’s for sure, since I have a nine year old….definitely well-done!
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I know; I hesitated to write it! Somehow, this story just kept coming to me. I wrote my first FF story yesterday (a much nicer, more poignant take on the photo) and then this one kept bugging me. 😉 Thanks for taking the time to read and share you feedback.
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Yes, creepy, but so well told, which is satisfying.
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Thanks, Kat. It was fun to wander off the path… that said, this is the 2nd story for this picture, and my other one is VERY different. Two takes on one photo. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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Part of me loves that you kept getting bugged by this because now we got to share in it. But then I went back and re-read the other three for old-times’ sake.
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Well, no doubt the other 3 are a lot “nicer” but I have all kinds of stuff in this head… a scary thought I guess. 😉
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Amazingly written. This is the seed of a novel. Will you write it?
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Thanks Lynda… so many novels to write, so little time… and so few publishers! I may play with it here on FF… I’ve had 3 parts ot the one story; I may do the same with this one too. 🙂 Thanks os much for the kind feedback; much appreciated!
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Truly and darkly fucked up. Loved it.
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A massive compliment, coming from you, darlin’. 😉
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Hi, I’ve nominated you for the Sisterhood Award. Congratulations! Do check out the details at http://zainabjavid.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/sisterhood-award/
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Thanks so much; I’m honored. I’ll go and check it out, as soon as I can! My computer’s been in the shop all week, so I’m just catching up on a week of blogging, emails, etc. So thoughtful of you, however.
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You’re most welcome!
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Oh, your ending was really haunting. I guess they missed it! Well done, Dawn.
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Thanks, Amy. Lots of things are missed in life… sometimes some really crucial things. 😉
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Creepy and sinister. Really haunting and disturbing (and well done), My lady.
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Thanks, Madame. I do have some dark thoughts… from time to time. 😉 Thanks for taking the time; much appreciated!
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This excerpt from your imagination is so dark and sinister. I continue to be amazed at the depth of your imagination. I wonder what a psychoanalyst would say about this side of you. It doesn’t matter to me since I am not that guy, but remind me not to have you chair the PTA Halloween Party. 🙂 – Mike
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Ironically, I did in fact chair the middle school Halloween party… and caused a bit of a ruffling of feathers. 😉 My therapist knows me pretty well… but maybe I’ll send him this one, and see what he says. 😉 Thanks Mike!
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So dark … such a great beginning from a sinister end.
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Hmm, this is so strange! Rochelle told me I had the wrong link up… so I just changed it. (Changing my position in the queue too!)… but clearly you found the right story. Not sure why those boots took me there, but this story was in my head almost as soon as I posted the lighter one. Thanks for reading both, Bjrn!
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Very dark.But more true than we care to accept.
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Welcome to Tales From the Motherland, Patrick. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I hope you’ll check out other posts, and let me know what you think. Sadly, this is more true than we wish it to be… I wrote 2 stories this week. Mine are not generally “dark,” but this one followed me around, until I wrote it. 😉
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Dear Dawn,
A parent’s worst nightmare well crafted. .
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle… indeed it is. You are the best, commenting on all posts. 🙂 Your time and efforts are much appreciated. xo
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This one pains me.
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I can understand that. The story just was there… waiting for me to write it. I’ll get back to easier ones soon. 😉
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No you let it out when they are crying to get out! Its therapeutic and some of our best works evolves from those stories. Like this one, you could (time and inspiration permitting) delve deeper into this one. Who expects their child to be snatched in a place like this. Surely they were being watched.
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Not sure I want to go further… it’s too creepy. That said, it worked for this prompt. Poor innocent boots! I’m sure Adam had no idea… although this group does tned to the grisly! 😉 Thanks, Dawn. I always appreciate your feedback.
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As I do yours.
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😀 (We both should be asleep! Or, are you across the pond?)
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Yes. I work nights and am off tonight. I fell asleep at 8 pm and woke at 3…just had a hot chocolate with a little shot of rum and Kahlua …gonna try for a few more zzzzz’s..
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Sweet dreams… kahlua and rum, that sounds like a winner!
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It wasn’t bad and I drank it so fast I think I got a little buzz…lol..Sweet dreams to you also.
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Buzzz to zzzzs. 😉
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Got me 3 more hours…good to go now. Hope you did as well.
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Haven’t been to bed yet… and that doesn’t exactly sound like a good night’s sleep on your end either! I’m off to slumber now… just posted a big blog, and couldn’t pull myself away. Not a healthy approach! :-p
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I’ll give it a read. Now go to bed! 😉
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Much appreciated Dawn… it was a really bad night for me with asthma.Didn’t get to bed until 4:30, up at 7:45 and the day was shit! To say the least. Thanks for keeping me company for a while. 😉
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I love when people DARE ME to write a comment. 😉 😉 😉
I’ve got to agree like others have stated its very foreboding story — a nightmare no parent would ever want to experience. If I’d written this I’d have made one change. I’d have switched your first and second paragraphs, since I feel the time sequence would be better.
So I’ve taken your dare, wrote my comment and even dared to tell you something which needs to be changed. 😀 😀 😀
Now you can get back at me by leaving me your comment. I’m #80 and #81 🙂 🙂 🙂
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It’s my pleasure to get to your story too! I try to read them all… but many don’t reciprocate. I try to keep it up anyway. Rough weekend, put me behind, but I could use some reading to distract me right now.
Love a gal who takes a dare; I am one too! I thought about switching the paragraphs, but liked starting with the shock, and working backward. I absolutely love feedback, especially constructive or thoughtful feedback. Thanks for the suggestion; I see your point. I’m a fairly A-symetric girl, so this twisting of time lines is good for me… for now. I’ll give it some more thought though. Thanks for taking the time; much appreciated! Now I’m off to check out our stories. I wrote 2 this week too! So, go read my other… I dare you! 😉 I think it’s 28 or something. It’s a sequel. I don’t usually write 2, and I don’t do sequels… but that story has had a history and a pull. Thanks again! 😀
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Poor girl and such a trauma for the parents!One shudders at the thought of such beasts moving around unnoticed!A true nightmare that one won’t wish even on one’s enemies!Excellent writing Dawn:-)
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Thanks so much! Yes, my personal nightmare, and somehow those innocent boots just brought it out. While the story’s dark, I’m glad you appreciated the writing. That’s my ultimate goal. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my work; much appreciated.
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🙂
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That was dark. And terrifying, but very good writing. You could feel the strong emotions in every word.
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Thanks Jackie! I wrote 2 this week (never did it before), and while the first was kinder… this one was just followed me around for a day. I’m glad the writing shined through the dark.
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Dawn, I’ve now made it to all the stories and how dare you leave me with this as the last one??? I’d just finished and then realized I’d missed your second one. Very difficult story but well-written.
janet
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It was just following me around, as soon as I sent the first one… it was originally in at 54, but Rochelle found the link incorrect (confusing, as others were getting it), so I had to delete and re-enter… putting me at the end. It is indeed a hard story. Not my usual bend, but there’s all kinds of stuff in my gray room… and those poor innocent boots just brought it out. That the writing is good, that’s what matters most. 😉 Thanks Janet!
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Sometimes stories insist on being told. What can an author do? 🙂
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Indeed!
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