A total lack of sleep has lead to extra writing. Two weeks in a row, I’m submitting two stories, and hope you humor my enthusiasm. Perhaps redeeming myself for the very dark story, many of you found troubling, last week. This is also my first try at poetry, here.
Each week on Friday Fictioneers, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields leads a group of writers from all over the globe, in a flash-fiction challenge. A single photo prompt; a story that has a beginning, middle and end; a goal of 100 words– everyone is welcome to participate. Check it out the details, and the wonderful stories in this week’s collection, here.
I always appreciate feedback, positive or constructive. Please leave a comment, and tell me what you think.
© Jean L. Hays
In blue seas and calm pools
We swam side by side
Communicating easily, telepathically at times
Like dolphins calling to each other
Through dark or light
Through years and minutes, we
Helped each other weather
The times when seas were rough
And tossed us about.
We laughed at the absurd
And whispered our dreams
Spinning and leaping, through a
Life that is constantly changing
And then you couldn’t hear me
And you didn’t call out to me again
And we are now like dried kelp
Washed up on the shore…
Dolphins no more.
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Whoa! I envy your writing ability. Fabulous!
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Thanks! Sleep deprivation does things to your mind. 😉 Thanks for the kind feedback, both times.
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers 2: What’s Left… (A Poem of Loss) | ugiridharaprasad
Dried kelp! Love it.
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The image truly suits the story… not entirely fiction. Thanks Patti!
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You’ve used very vivid images to tell this story of love and loss, Dawn. Clever layered writing.
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Thanks Karen… there are indeed so many layers to love, and to loss. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and appreciate you reading it.
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wow i liked this a lot. it’s so beautiful… and of course the end shattered me.
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Thanks, KZ. Coming from you, that is a mighty compliment! I appreciate your wonderful feedback. 🙂
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A wonderful metaphor of a poem. Life’s rich passage.
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Thanks so much Patrick. I am not a poet, which is obvious here, but I felt it needed to be written in a different format. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks!
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I love a dare! This piece like your first one is also sensual only this time their is the metaphor of the loss of love and relationship, the dried kelp is a powerful image. Great stuff Dawn.
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Thank you SO much. This one is a lot more personal, and less fiction… loss of a dear friend. The images ran through my head, and while not a poet, I couldn’t resist.
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You did very well Dawn.
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Thanks!
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This flows beautifully. It triggered a very personal remembrance for me.
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I hope your remembrance isn’t quite so painful, Honie. Loss of a dear friend, a lover, or partner… this just got under my skin. Lacking real poetic ability, it came out as it is. Thanks for reading and sharing… and here’s to both of us letting more difficult memories, fade to the back. 😉
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Dear Dawn,
It seems to be a slow week, so your enthusiasm is filling in some of the gaps. I hope you are able to sleep though. When I get so exhausted my brain turns to guacamole and I’m tempted to click “delete all”.
Really nice imagery and feel to this poem. I was disappointed, thought, when the relationship dissolved at the end. Good one.
Do I hear three?
Shalom,
Rochelle
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There are three… but I don’t want to be a glutton. I’ve been in the hospital all week, so not sleeping much and keeping difficult hours. When I’m home again, I imagine I’ll be back to my spot at 26 for entries, and one post. That said, some of the prompts do bring very different stories to my head, and being laid low, writing is a wonderful outlet right now. This poem (and I use that lightly, as I am no poet) is less fiction, and sadly describes the painful melting of a very dear friendship… recently. How that lovely dolphin took me there… is a mystery. 😉 Thanks, as always, Rochelle. You truly amaze!
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You should write more poetry you have a flair for it. It felt like a metaphor and left me feeling a little sad, but that shows you communicated the emotions well. 🙂
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Thanks so much! I really appreciate that. I love poetry… my daughter is QUITE talented… my blog in general, however, tends to be very different from the FF writing I do, and I think that’s where my forte really lies. That said, I adore FF and look forward to it all week! Thanks again for the wonderful encouragement… it means a lot! Such a supportive, great environment here.
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There is something about dolphins that has us all churning up beautiful memories but you wrote a painful ending, which I found no less beautiful. This moves me not so much because it is about loss but because it is about change. The dried kelp will eventually dissolve into energy and swirl back into the universe to create more wonders. 🙂
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Exactly! You got it Eena. A painful end to a special friendship… hard to take, but I see it pretty much as you describe. My first story this round (I did 2 again this week) was more erotic and warm… and then this came to me. One image, many thoughts. 😉 Thanks for your wonderful feedback; always appreciated! 🙂
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Oh, I think I like this second round even better! I read it three times. The last three lines are just golden.
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Thanks Tiffany! Very different tone… but less fiction. Probably comes through. 😉
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I think that’s why I like it…it had a very “real” feeling to it and I just felt like I could relate to it for a moment.
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That was wonderful in just so few words, I was left in tears!
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Glynis, welcome to Tales From the Motherland, and thank you so much! While I hate to make people cry, I’ll take that praise, with a smile. 🙂
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🙂
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Yay! Glad you’re smiling again. 😉
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I couldn’t help thinking that these 2 posts were a continuation of the Henry and Marjorie stories. Either way, they are gorgeous.
Sending you some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s… ❤
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They are not part of that series… but the first could be. The 2nd is about a friendship that has ended, and is still painful. It came to me as I lay here, and realized that friend would once have been front and center in things, and now we are so distant. The imagery came to me, and I had to write it. Thanks Val. xo
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I’m still ruminating on a reply to that friendship post. So deeply moving. Loss of friendship, loss of loved ones – they both share such pain and unwanted enlightenment. Both of the dolphin posts end up on the shore: intriguing! There are so many rich layers in your writing.
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I love the way you really read and consider what there is… it means a lot that my work gets that kind of consideration and respect. The friendship post was a hard one to write, but so close to the surface, at the same time. Thanks, Val. I’m so glad our friendship has weathered the years and times. xo
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You wrote of a sad but universal truth and mystery – that one day or another, we will be separated from a loved one, left with only memories. Better make the most of today and make the memories memorable! First attempt at poetry? Well done. Poetry is great discipline for other forms of writing. 🙂
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I play with poetry, from time to time, but it’s not my usual style. I think that love and loss, are somehow always tangled up in each other. Finding the balance is the real journey. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my work and comment; much appreciated. 🙂
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🙂
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I love the way you write – enough to go back and read it again, Thank you
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That means the world! Thanks .
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I had a friendship die like this, Very sad.
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It is NEVER easy. Time does make it better… but for me… so slowly, with lots of steps back and forward. Some days, writing it out, is all I can do. 😉 I’m sorry for the loss of your friendship, and appreciate you sharing with me.
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Not only did I get the sadness that comes when the relationship with someone special comes to an end. I also related to the more universal sense of parting as we prepare to leave a place we have come to love. Even though your writing comes from a personal place, you evoke the emotions in your readers that you must draw upon as you write, and that takes talent. That is why I look forward to your writing each and every week. – Mike
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And I, look forward to your wonderful feedback! Always makes me smile, Mike! I imagine leaving Croatia will be a sad thing, with so many unexpectedly sweet things there… but I have no doubt you will be wowing us from Spain, in no time!
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