Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, writers from all over the world are challenged to write a 100-word story, with a beginning, middle and end. Please join us or check out the other wonderful stories Here.
Please Note: This week I am excited and honored that one of my short stories is featured on Tipsy Lit. I was asked to submit a short story, and I chose to expand the story of Marjorie and Henry, which I’ve written in 4 parts for Friday Fictioneers. Their 400-word story is now 1,500 words and can be read on Tipsy Lit, here. If you stop by, please hit Like or leave a comment to let them know they chose wisely. I really appreciate the support! My story “One Mother’s Fairy Tale” also won their weekly prompt challenge last week. Check out that story here.
I am always grateful for constructive or positive feedback on Friday Fictioneers. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.
© Björn Rudberg
(99 Words)
The chickens scattered as the woman threw dried corn across the yard. She kicked the rooster as he pecked her feet. Most days she avoided his sharp beak, but today she was not quick enough and her ajotas provided little protection.
“¡Diablo ¡Pájaro malvado” You evil bird!
Her husband looked up warily as he went for his machete and hoe. He needed to get the soil turned, to plant crops on time. He moved slowly, his joints aching.
Age was catching up with them, and the steep hills of their Andean home were getting harder and harder to manage.
**All writing on this page is © copyrighted to Dawn Q. Landau and Tales From the Motherland. Please check out her work there or on Facebook. Hit like on my FB page, and I am happy to return the favor.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
At first, I thought maybe the machete was to take care of the evil bird once and for all.
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Eventually… but I hear rooster is much tougher to eat. 😉 Thanks for the feedback Adam. Always appreciated.
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Haha, so did I.
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My thoughts exactly… But if you boil it in wine you get a classic dish… hmm maybe a way of getting rid of evilness.. Love the scene you captured.
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Thanks Björn! Great photo to work with. The stone walls reminded me of rural areas in Peru… where is it? And yes, some red wine can make most things taste better… even rooster! 😉
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It’s from the beautiful island of Madeira .. A wonderful place for vacations
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Looks fantastic! Portugal, yes? I see this going in a lot of directions… 😉
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I try to avoid cruelty to animals in my writing! 😉
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me too haha
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me too. i also thought the machete was meant for the bird 🙂
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Ok, enough guys! I didn’t have the old guy kill the poor old rooster with a machete, because I’m not THAT writer… now, resume other comments. Move along. Show’s over. 😉
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That’s because you guys are scary writers… I’m a less killing chickens kind of writer. 😉
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Well, then you probably won’t want to hear that I had first thought that the machete might be needed for use with the wife then, right?
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Oh my! Never crossed my mind. 😉 (for the record, I can be scary when I want to… but some of you are just better at it!)
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Hi, just liked your FB page. Do check out mine at https://www.facebook.com/Nadirsbooks
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Will do! thanks. 🙂 Nothing about the story? 😦
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I thought I did comment on the evil bird? Anyway I like the way you describe the scene. I can imagine it even without the photo. And I did think the bird was going to get it. 🙂 Also congrats on your featured short story.
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Thanks Zainab… I must have missed that one! Sorry. I appreciate your feedback. Perhaps I should have killed the bird… seems to be unanimous! 😉
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Haha you can expand on this story as well taking that direction!
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I would love your comments on this one: http://zainabjavid.wordpress.com/2014/01/20/fair-and-lovely-short-story/
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I’ll try and get to it a little later… had appts for most of the day, and still want to get to the FF stories! (And 2 writing assignments due this week)… I’ll leave a comment there.
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Oops, figured it out you commented on Adam’s comment about the bird 🙂
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Very good. You accomplished a lot for that many words. I could almost fee their pain.
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Thanks so much Patricia. I love this weekly challenge, and it’s nice to get feedback.
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The opening paragraph was very graphic. Well done.
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Thanks Sandra. I appreciate your feedback.
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Great little story and big congrats on the short being picked up 🙂
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Thanks Helen! It was really exciting… 2 big deals in one week. 😉
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Dawn, congrats again on winning last week’s Prompted at Tipsy Lit. We’ve enjoyed featuring the piece!
As for this story, I can see it so vividly which is quite a feat in 99 words. I, too, thought the rooster was going to get it, but you left the ending opening for a possible extension. If you think of making this one longer, I’d certainly be curious to read it. Nice work!
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Thanks Ericka; I really appreciate your feedback. I put the link to Tipsy Lit in my intro, in the hopes that some of my fellow FF writers will check it out. In general we are not suppose to advertise or use this site for other things, but I the story you featured today, started out as a FF story… loved expanding it . This one, not sure if I would or not, but it’s a thought! Thanks for the encouragement! I’ll be working on beating Duncan again this week! 😉
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Congrats on your wins:-)Liked the story you came up with Dawn-the rooster seemed very cocky-pecking at his mistress,lol!I liked the fact that the hubby did not decide to make a meal out of the naughty rooster ;D
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Thanks! I had fun with this one. But then, every week this is a blast! I appreciate the feedback.
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I so agree about having fun:-)
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Congratulations on your publication. I like the voice of your writing you gave life to your words.
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Thanks so much; I really appreciate the kind feedback.
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Yes, yes, yes! I love los viejitos!
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Do I have the title wrong, teacher? I almost wrote you first to ask! Should it be viejitos? Or is that little, old people? I had to use a translator.
Glad you liked it. the photo made me think of Peru.
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No, not at all! It’s perfect how you have it! Adding the “ito” ending just makes it a term of endearment, like “the sweet little old people” instead of the usual “the old people.”
Have you ever been to Peru? It’s on my list.
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We went to Peru summer 2012. We went to Machu Picchu and the Amazon. I wrote SEVERAL blog posts about the trip, and our experiences… It was an amazing trip! I loved every minute; would love to go back. I keep saying I’m going to really learn Spanish, so I can travel more in the countries that interest me most. If we went together, you could do all the talking… a miracle some would say. 😉
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i enjoyed the very vivid descriptions of rural life 🙂 again, congratulations on your win. i read your story and think you totally deserved it 🙂
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Thanks KZ… I’m going back in this week. The guy who has won the last 14 out of 15 challenged me to a rematch… THAT is where I get ugly. wink wink.I plan to bring it, and I would love some support. Saturday at Tipsy Lit. Thank for the feedback here. 😀
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Los Viejos, The Old Ones | ugiridharaprasad
As always, thank you for sharing my work. I’m honored.
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Congrats Dawn on your success. I am running late this week so I’ve had to go looking for your FF. Love it as always, except, in this sentence:
Age was catching up with them and the steep hills of their Andean home was getting harder and harder to manage. – I think was should be were as the verb is referring to the hills – plural – sorry the old English teacher surfaces every so often
Hope you are keeping well….Michael
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No! Thank you so much for seeing it Michael. I’m mortified that I didn’t re-read and edit this week! I was racing around yesterday and simply wrote, checked # of words and posted! Dang. I appreciate your sharp eye, and continued support! Hope you get some cooler weather! Dawn
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* fixed.
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wow this is so sad and yet kind of funny too. That bit about the rooster made me laugh! great job 😀
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Thanks Tinkerbelle! (my favorite character 😀 ) I think life, every day, is full of those sad and funny moments. Hopefully, they balance out. Thanks so much for stopping by to read this, and for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated!
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🙂
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Dear Dawn,
So many comments to echo. Suffice it to say you nailed it. I pictured the elderly couple right down the to pecking chicken and his aching joints. ¡Hermosa!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Muchas gracias, Rochelle! I love this venue each week. Such a supportive, fun environment… made more special, as I get to know more of the writers. Thank YOU for nurturing it, and us, each and every week! xo
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I love these vignettes, Dawn. And this is perfect for the challenge. Great job, as always!
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Thank YOU, as always… you never fail to be there! Love that about you… along with dozens of other things. 😉
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An absolutely lovely story.
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Thank you so much Etienne. I appreciate your kind feedback.
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It makes me sad to think how much harder their life is going to get living here as elderly residents.
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Indeed… but it’s all relative. This is what they know. It is very difficult getting older in a condo, too. It’s all about perspective, to some degree.
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Somebody give me a condo; I will move in a minute!
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Right-o!
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Oh and while I am dreaming…I’d like to have that in a warmer climate, I am SO over this winter!
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Where are you Dawn? I have no regrets about leaving the winters behind… I love our mild climate! A tiny bit more warmth would be ok, but I love that winters is cold, but not freezing, and rarely anything to shovel!
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Congratulations on your stories! This one is a lovely slice of life that sounds so realistic that I can easily picture them, even if I wouldn’t be able to speak to them. 🙂 Even with the difficult life, I think they are probably happier than many people with much more.
janet
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I agree… it’s all about perspective, right? I’m working on my story for this week’s competition on Tipsy Lit; it’s about exactly that point. Stop over and vote Saturday; I could use the support! 😉
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I’ll be entering the Tipsy Lit competition this Saturday too. If you have time, read my story and like it, please vote! I could use the support. Or, enter! Tipsy could use more stories. 🙂
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Quite a word picture! Even though age is not catching up with me I can totally relate.
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Me too darlin’! I’m writing a short story about perspective and age, for the Tipsy Lit contest, Saturday… I think this is much on my mind this week. 😉 Thanks for taking the time; much appreciated, Perry.
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Que lastima! But I have a feeling they’ll be calling children and grandchildren away from their pastures to help their old bones. Communities such as this one often have large families 🙂
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I don’t think I could waste wine on a stupid rooster. Loved your story and I do feel all those aches and pains. You really are a great writer – author. Oh, and congratulations on your stories. Thanks for the memories! (I grew up on a chicken farm) Nan 🙂
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Nan, thank you so much for checking out my story, and taking the time to leave a comment. Much appreciated… and I guess it wouldn’t be a waste if you drank the wine with the rooster! 😉
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A beautiful snippet of other people’s lives. Lovely
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Thanks Claire! I appreciate the feedback.
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A great gentle little snatch of life. Beauty.
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Thanks so much! I appreciate the feedback.
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I felt like I was right there. In fact, I started getting sympathy pains in my joints. Excellent piece, and congratulations on your story in Tipsy Lit.
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Thanks so much Russell! I always appreciate your feedback. I’m entering the Tipsy Lit contest this Saturday too. Check it out on my blog tomorrow. Voting is fast and furious!
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Congrats on getting your story featured on Tipsy Lit! How exciting! 🙂
I like this story, a peak into the couple’s quiet lives, but at the same time hinting not all is well.
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Thanks Tiffany… I appreciate the feedback. Check my blog tomorrow, for another story I’m entering in the Tipsy Lit competition. IF you like my story, I could use the votes. 😉
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You’re welcome. Cool! I’ll certainly try to swing by! 🙂
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Thanks! 😀 Have a great weekend!
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Thanks so much Tiffany. My new story is in the competition this week. Voting is only today, Saturday. Check it out and IF you like my story, I’d love your vote. Currently I’m getting thrashed! My top opponent has a “strong fan base” I was told. https://talesfromthemotherland.me/2014/01/25/prompted-the-race-2/ The poll is on here, with my story. Thanks again for your kind feedback! FF is still my favorite place to be each week!
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A lovely little snippet into the life of these old-timers, still working the soil after all these years.
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Thanks draliman! I appreciate the feedback.
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This is a nice slice of Andean life. It feels very authentic, down to the aching bones and evil chickens. Mine has chickens, too. Ha ha. Nice one, Dawn!
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Thanks Amy! Each week, I start reading these and wonder where you are… until Friday comes. Duh. Have a good weekend!
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One of these days, I’ll be early. Sometimes, the story just doesn’t come right away! Thanks for looking out for me. Have a great weekend.
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I just have it on my calendar each week… I love FF and try to get in early, but being on the West coast, we’re kind of both screwed that way! IF you have time, I have a story (The Race) in the Tipsy Lit contest again this week. Voting is only Saturday. If you like it, please vote. Probably should have messaged you privately; I don’t put links on other people’s posts. ☺ Have a great weekend Amy!
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Thanks, Dawn! Good for you! I’m proud of you. I will be by to read it!
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You should give it a try, Amy! The story prompts are fun, and Tipsy Lit is really trying to bring in new readers/writers. Thanks!
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Every week, I say I am going to do it!! I will…Thanks for the encouragement. I really like what Tipsy Lit is doing.
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They are AWESOME! And while I hate to go up against you, I’d love to see your story there! I think the more writers, the more enthusiasm and good voting. Do it! Do it! (peer pressure, it works, right?)
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My body ached with the thought of all that work, day in and day out. Good story.
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Thanks Jackie… still working my way through the entries this week. I really appreciate you taking the time!
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Your simple story carries me off to another land, another culture. Who needs a plane?
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Thanks Hugmamma! I so appreciate your feedback!
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Thanks so much! That is feedback that makes me smile. 😀
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Glad I made you smile…you deserve it.
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Awww, you are so kind!
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I have been to Central and South America, Mexico, Spain, I could see those countrysides in the story without the prompt. Y escribiste el español muy, MUY bien. Nice work.
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Muchas gracias señor! My Spanish is from High School, so I’m glad I didn’t blow it all together! I did some trekking in Peru in the summer of 2012 and saw a lot of homes like this as well. Each week is wonderful challenge! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated.
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You’ve captured a slice of reality in that post. What may be a beautiful tourist spot might mean entirely something else to the locals instead.
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Exactly! We take pictures, but it’s how others are living… I’m glad you noticed, Subroto. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!
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Everyne loves it when individuals get together and share
views. Great blog, continue the good work!
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Thanks! It is wonderful to be part of a community. Thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; your time is much appreciated.
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