When There’s a Fight on the Playground…

Posted on January 24, 2014 by Dawn Quyle Landau

Everyone picks a side… and roots for whoever they think will win.

Note:   If you are not a blogger, skip this post. It will mean very little to you, and you don’t need the drama or the doodoo that has come from all of this. I’m serious. Just move on, and I’ll post something for everyone, later. Even if you are a blogger, some of this may be a mystery. I won’t help you there. I won’t put links to other posts regarding this, and I won’t use full names or tags to the players. I will share one link only.  This entire post started out as a response to a post by the blogger El Guapo (his blog is “Guapola,” and that was the one link to other bloggers). I assume by his name he is very handsome. I haven’t seen his picture. I have crossed paths with him in comments, and have read his posts, and he seems to be an honorable guy, who speaks his mind. I like that. Dudes and gals alike seem to love him, including several bloggers who I count as friends. I like that. Anyway, I read his post last night and started writing a comment… something I haven’t done throughout this entire melee, because I felt overwhelmed by it all. And I thought I should just stay out of it. Later, I may read that last sentence and wish I had.

The Intro:      I’ve sat back all week dumbstruck by what has been going on in my corner of Blogland. It’s all been so surreal, that it’s given me nightmares, and that’s saying something. (Perhaps that I need to work on some issues…) It’s clear, however, from reading way too many comments and links, and story after story about the demise of a giant among bloggers, that maybe we haven’t grown up as much as we want to believe we have. I’ve read several comments that refer to all of this as “high school.” Well, this has been meaner and harder than my high school, though I do see the comparison. I also haven’t commented because I’ve found myself scared. Worried that I would offend folks who I think of as friends, and they will turn on me…

Hmm. That in itself is a problem. In real life, I don’t have friends who I think will turn on me.  And therein lies the crux of the issue. This is not the real world. It may be a microcosm of the real world, but it’s skewed in all sorts of positive and negative ways. This is online dating. Which implies that some of us will in fact like other bloggers, get to know them and then maybe become real friends. I have met 3 bloggers in person, and consider each of them friends. I don’t question their integrity or their connection go me. I don’t worry about whether voicing my opinion on this matter will alienate them. I have written privately to others, who I consider friends, and I hope those ties are real. Honestly, this ugly mess had made me much less sure of lots of things, and people I know only on-line. But this is not the real world for most of us. It is a place where most of us come to fill a personal agenda: become a writer, build a platform, gain a following as a comedian, a photographer, artist or healer. I’ve seen it all. We hope to have our work noticed, and if you are like me as a blogger, you are grateful for any visitors, comments, likes or recognition.

When a really “Big Blogger” notices you it feels good. Ok, I’ll speak for myself: when a really big blogger notices me, it feels good. I am writing to become a published writer. I want to get noticed. I want to be liked. I want my work read; otherwise I’d keep a journal and be clear of this. Perhaps that makes me vulnerable to being star struck or misinterpreting  cues, but my intentions are honest and my personal goal is clear. As a person and as a writer, I believe strongly in “Do No Harm.” I don’t think I’ve ever written a  post that was intended to mock others, or hurt anyone. If anything, I am extremely self-deprecating. I appreciate my readers enormously and I answer each and every comment, because I’m honored that they took the time to read and comment.

Because of my own insecurities, I’ve also had plenty of inner conflict with the blogging community. I’ve had trouble believing praise, or knowing when other bloggers are sincere. When someone calls me a “friend” in a response to a comment, or elsewhere, I struggle with it… because I’m not always sure what they mean by that. That desire to be noticed is a powerful tug, and when others give praise, it’s hard not to want to ride the high for a while… make that a Big Blogger giving praise and it can be nothing short of intoxicating. And that’s where my confusion was most amplified. That high was bigger, and the desire to get more was bigger.  Notice me! Include Me!  Put me in your video! Add a link to my blog! Share your sparkle with me! Shine the light over here!  I’ve felt all of those things and sought to be part of the waves I’ve seen around me. But, I was often left feeling rejected and needy when the attention waned. Again, my stuff; I’m not putting that on anyone else. But it’s relevant to my personal experience.

When this big playground fight started, and it really started with the Nicki squabble, I didn’t really get it. Again, I believe in Do No Harm. I was not avoiding it, to stay out of the fray or to avoid offending anyone. Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I will stand up and call foul in the most serious of conflicts. I just didn’t see it for where it was going. I was dealing with my own shit. I’d just come out of the hospital and was really sick (still working on that). I saw the Facebook post about it on ACOF’s page and followed some of the comments. There were some good ones at first. It seemed like a reasonable conversation about what kind of posts are hurtful, or how what we put out there plays out. Nicki’s post had gone viral and it was being discussed everywhere. I was way behind in reading posts, and hadn’t seen hers until the FB discussion, where there was a link to her post. I read it, didn’t particularly like it and moved on. I liked other things she’d posted, and had supported those posts in comments, but I hadn’t jumped on the fast-moving train that Le Clown asked us to ride to Nicki’s blog. I like to get to know a blog before I follow it. He and I did not agree on that. But it’s a choice; each of us has the option to read more or move on. When I saw the FB “discussion” going south, I left. It wasn’t mean (yet), but I was not up for that stuff, and again… if you’re not liking it, leave. The next day it was all gone, and I was told by another blogger that things had gotten “ugly;” that Eric was attacking Nicki and Nicki was attacking Eric. Playground fight! Everyone seemed to be picking sides and running to one side of the court or the other.  I was busy and missed that too.

And then… it got very quiet. I noticed that certain bloggers who post often were not posting.  There were some isolated references to things that I didn’t understand, in comment sections and on-line. And still, I remained clueless; didn’t get it or see it coming. I was out of the loop… that kid I was in high school and apparently in Blogland too: who is friends with kids in each group, but isn’t in the popular crowd and isn’t in the totally neglected crowd… and so, is often out of the loop. I would have stayed out if I hadn’t asked another blogger what the hell he was referring to, in a round-about comment chain. That blogger sent me the link to Calamity (wow, doesn’t that sentence seem prophetic?) and down the Rabbit Hole I fell… along with so many other bloggers.

By the time I came to it all, comments were closed, bloggers were shutting down their blogs, people were truly freaking out. It felt like I had fallen into the stock market crash of blogging. Bloggers were going into seclusion, jumping out of windows, expressing extreme anxiety, depression, and shock. It is shocking, all of it. Again, when a Big Blogger is in the spotlight, everyone wants a piece of it. When that blogger crashes, people run to one side or the other very fast!  One week later, last night, I ended up at Gaupo’s (That too, could be an interesting lead in…) blog… last night I ended up at Guapo’s blog. And then I got reading the comments, which (no offense your handsomeness) were far more extensive and compelling than the post. And then… I finally decided to weigh in. But, all this digesting had left me with a lot of thoughts and confusion about a place (the Blogosphere) that feels very changed and foreign to me suddenly. As I wrote my comment, it just got longer and longer, and I realized it wasn’t right to put it there. And so, my comment became a post… as has this “Intro.” No doubt, Guapo (if he read this) is feeling relieved by that. The length, I believe is because I’ve worried about getting it right.  As a rule, I generally write without filters and try not to think about who will read my post/story/ work. It’s critical to my process. If I think too much about my kids, the person at the store, other bloggers, then I change my voice.  This one: the response, and the blog that has now become, has been exactly the opposite! I want to be careful about much of what I say; I’ve worried about how it will come off to various bloggers I like and respect. I don’t like that feeling… However, as I typed my response on Guapola’s post.

Here is my comment:

I’ve been part of the LC show for a long time. When Eric mentioned to me that big things were coming down, I figured it was another big ACOF post. Then he pulled his blog. Everything associated with LC was taken down, with nothing but a brief farewell– a brief thanks to those who contributed, and a vague apology to those who might have been hurt. I was utterly confused, and figured THAT was it; that was the big stuff coming down. Frankly, I couldn’t imagine anything bigger in the blogging community, than LC pulling his own plug.  I sat stunned for nearly a week, until that other blogger sent me to the Calamity post. Since first reading that and the others that followed, I’ve had 3 other bloggers contact me privately to ask if I knew, because I’ve been so quiet. I was grateful to each of them for reaching out, and wonderfully surprised that I’d crossed their minds.

Honestly, I’ve been so quiet because I’ve felt totally shocked by all of this, and paralyzed. For me, it comes down to this: I always felt like there were 2 people, Le Clown and Eric. When Eric wrote his more personal posts, I connected deeply to his vulnerability and the very difficult things that he’d experienced. Some of it was heartbreaking.  His writing was beautiful, and I liked that real side of him. When I dealt with LC and the big top, I often felt out of my league and a bit intimidated…. and I said that openly, numerous times. Nothing I’m saying here, isn’t something I said openly before.

I had a very rough exchange with E recently and kept it to myself, aside from 2 other bloggers who I confided to, for help in resolving the situation. It was awful. But some of what he said to me was true: none of us “owe anyone an explanation of who we do or don’t support. We all have the right to put what we want on our own blogs.”  I was hurt, in the context of our conversation, and what I thought was a friendship, but I licked my wounds and decided it was a reality check. We are not family, here, and I figured I’d misread the friendship boundaries between him and I.  My conflict with him was brief, but I can’t sugar coat it; I felt intimidated and worried that it might negatively impact my blog and my readership. His anger and or disappointment is impressive. I’ve chosen not to share personal details, or the names of those who supported me because I still feel anxious about it, and because it was my issue, not other’s.

I was equally surprised when just a few weeks later, I was invited to his New Year’s video. That is the duality of LC… he was very giving and helped a lot of bloggers; he supported those he believed in and by many accounts, without the manipulation or abuse that others have shared.  And he could be the extreme opposite when he took issue with you. I never liked that feeling of guessing where I stood, but I won’t now deny that I appreciated when I was included, and my blog had a brief moment in the big top spot light. I own that duality: I was grateful for being included… and I was out of my element. I said it then, and now.  Nothing I feel compelled to add to this current situation, is different from what I expressed when the circus was in town.  It bothers me that so many other bloggers who sought that same spot light are now claiming they “always sensed something was wrong,” or didn’t like the way some people were treated… but they were right there egging it on, or looking for recognition when the clown ruled… or remaining silent, when they thought something was wrong.

What I find saddest about this entire situation is that Calamity’s story is horrible. She posted clear examples (in the form of screen shots of her conversation with Eric) to support her claims. She said stop. He didn’t. Whatever others think about what “really” went down (we all saw a brief exchange, not the entire relationship), those few lines of dialogue are shocking. From that alone, in no way could I in good conscience deny that what was done to her was wrong. It was. What I find difficult to accept is the absolutely vicious comments back and forth that have come out of her experience, by those who support or don’t support her. THAT is the very thing that intimidated me at the LC show. I loved the witty and almost always dynamic repartee that went on, and the kick ass posts: on ACOF, TOC, and BBW– where many bloggers gained their initial platform, and had their voice heard… and where we as readers were exposed to some very powerful stories and writers. However, I never liked the hostile feeding frenzies that were often stirred up when/if LC disapproved of something someone said or wrote. I did not follow Maggie, and only read some of that this week… but it’s awful. That so many other bloggers have stepped up to say that they too had similar “attacks,” is as shocking to me as this incident with Calamity. The way in which these accusations and responses are playing out is as ugly to witness as the FB and Blog posts that started the dialogues.

I am a writer first. Right now, I do that as a blogger. I am here in the blogging community to write, and have my work read. I’ve come to really love the blogging community. But I have had some boundaries made much clearer to me through all of this. Friendships are nebulous. We are not family; we are a Community. And, this community has not behaved very well at times. Many of those who are launching vitriol at LC now, were cozying up to him and saying some pretty harsh things to Nicki Daniels, a week before the shit hit the fan with Calamity (who I in NO way include in this remark) in an on-line feeding frenzy which Calamity says lead to her outing Eric. That is bullying. Personally, I did not like Nicki’s post about bearded “hipsters”; I thought it was mean-spirited, even if she posted it under humor. I particularly didn’t like her responses to many of the comments she got from the post. That’s my right, to not like it, and I simply didn’t hit like. I didn’t jump into the comments, because my not liking it was irrelevant. It was her opinion, and while I found it a bit mean, she wasn’t (in my opinion) spewing hate, just not being nice. I had liked other posts she made, and commented positively to her, but I saw no point in adding to the negative.

When LC started a dialogue about that on FB, I thought (initially) it was what this right here is: a reasonable discussion about an issue we all participated in (after all Eric had boldly promoted Nicki, just short of demanding we all go like and follow her; it had been a love fest for weeks). But that “discussion” became really ugly, certainly as mean as anything bloggers said they were responding to in her post.

I see the same thing with the outing of Eric. People have turned very quickly, and the comments in some of the posts that have come out about all of this have been as vicious as those people are now claiming Eric launched against them. This post, yours Guapo, and the comments here… is the first place I’ve seen some mutual respect and reasonable dialogue, back and forth. NO ONE: not Eric, not Calamity, or Samara, or Maggie, or Weebs, or Jen, or Rara, or ANY writer/blogger deserves to have hate mail sent to them. Who the hell gave anyone the idea that their rights extend beyond this screen? What we share in comments and our posts, does not give anyone the right to send threats or hate to someone privately. To frighten them, or their children, or suggest that they are not free to share their truths.

As so many others have said: stop reading, stop following, leave a comment of dissent, but there should be no room for bullying or hate here. How many posts have we all written or supported about anti-bullying? How is this any different? We can support Calamity without lynching Eric. If you think he’s disgusting, don’t read his work. Don’t follow him. If you think Calamity’s a liar, don’t read hers. But the threats and name calling have gone too far. Personally, I was stunned when the first of three bloggers contacted me to ask why I was so quiet… but the answer was clear, upon some reflection. I was scared. I felt intimidated. If this community turns so quickly, what might come of my comments?

That is where my comment became a blog post. I got that far in Gaupo’s comment section and realized this had taken a toll on me that was surprisingly big. I stopped typing there and decided to just put on my big girl pants and speak for myself. I am sorry if my words have hurt anyone. That is not my intention. I fully support Calamity in speaking her truth. I do not know all the details and am not commenting on anything other than the abusive way she was spoken to, and treated in the dialogue thread she shared.  I think the hate sent her way is wrong on all levels. What she shared was ugly, and I wish her healing in this. If you don’t wish her healing or support what she’s done, move on and leave the hate mail in your draft folder.  I think the hate sent to anyone who supports Eric is wrong on all levels, as well. If you have supported LC and the many good posts he put out there, you too are entitled to that, and anyone who disagrees should move on, and leave their hate mail in their draft folders as well.

Grow the fuck up people. We are not in high school. We are not a family. This is not a playground, and these are not games, to pick sides and cheer on your favorite! Some of this is really hurting and alienating people who come here to write and share a writing/blogging community. If you don’t like something walk away.  That does not mean turn a blind’s eye to something that is truly abusive. Speaking out about the abuses done here is righteous, and personally, I found Guapo’s post and the comments here the most level-headed. He is angry, and taking his stand. He’s entitled and I agree with much of what he had to say in his post. But taking personal shots at people’s character and motives (on both sides) is wrong. I recognize it’s a wasp’s nest. I keep re-reading my own writing here, and anxiously wondering what will garner me anger or hate. I hope my intentions are clear: Do No Harm. I believe there’s a lot of harm being done and I really hope we can all put our personal motives and opinions aside and go back to blogging.

That is the saddest part to me. We’ve lost perspective of who was really hurt here, and our role in supporting or not supporting those people. There have been plenty of bloggers stepping up to weigh in on their own experiences… However, tossing the shit at others, for having an opinion, is another thing. I am not going to lynch LC and I stand up for Calamity. I totally stand against any form of bullying or abuse to anyone, on-line or in person, in any form, and I stand in support of Calamity for the abuse done to her. She has spoken her truths, and there has been shit thrown on both sides. Enough. That there were other elements of their connection is none of my business. I also do not deny that I was grateful for and excited to get any support from LC when his Big Top was up. He was kind to me in comments and while I think our friendship was rather one-sided (something he knows is true), I am not a victim here, nor did I benefit in any major way from our connection. I think that makes me part of the bigger crowd… the crowd that I think should step back and go back to writing, and sharing other things.

No doubt El Guapo dodged this bullet…  I apologize for the length. After all the heat I’ve taken for my affair with President Obama, I probably should have erred on the side of staying on the sidelines.

If you like the posts on Tales From the Motherland, please subscribe to this blog. The link is in the upper right hand corner of this post.  Then, check out Tales From the Motherland on Facebook and hit Like. I’d love to hit 400 likes there this year, and I appreciate the support. In addition, if you really do want to know each time I post, or what the song of the day is, you’ll get those on my TFTM Facebook page!  I’m on Twitter. Follow me and be dazzled by my mostly lame witty and clever Tweets. If I don’t follow you back, send me a tweet reminder and I will. I often miss the cues, when new people join. I’m older, and slower that way.

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About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
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76 Responses to When There’s a Fight on the Playground…

  2. The Laughing Duck says:
    January 24, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Although I’m loss in the loop of the blogosphere, I think I grasp the situation slightly… I don’t dare to think that the insinuation of LC as retiring from blogging is true because that would be a loss… As for everything else, this does well to remind us what the intrinsic personality of blogging is. For all else, good for you for speaking your mind Dawn (:

    Quack

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  3. pinkagendist says:
    January 24, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    I decided to part ways with LC about a year ago when he led a gratuitous attack on Carolina Courtland for a joke she made. He got his posse together and they flooded her page with aggressive comments. Apart from that his methodology was ponzi-blogging. He feigned interest, commented on a schedule (I was Thursdays, for example). He followed thousands in the hope of being followed back and then used that platform to lure people who wanted to be known by his base…

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      Well hello there Pink! Long time. Suffice it to say, there are a lot of stories out there. I think it will be a good thing when we all have our own stories that are not about LC or his methodology to share. I didn’t follow any posse, and didn’t see that go down. I’m glad I don’t have blood on my hands, frankly. As for ponzi- I wasn’t on the schedule, either. He rarely read my posts. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Good to see you again. 😉

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  4. El Guapo says:
    January 24, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    A lot has been said about it. A lot more could be said.
    All I’m going to say here is Well Said, TftM!
    And I respect and appreciate the commenters on my post for their overall non-screaming.

    (You’re welcome to leave comments like this on my site anytime.)
    (At the very least, I could point to it and honestly say “Why yes, there is eloquence on my blog”.)

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Guapo, there is indeed eloquence on your blog. I’m not sure all the Fuck yous are part of that, but the rest was pretty damned eloquent! 😉 I’ve always wanted to ask: is that in fact you surfing, on your gravatar? Inquiring minds want to know. Thanks for coming by to read and leave a comment. I appreciate the time.

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      • El Guapo says:
        January 24, 2014 at 3:43 pm

        I actually rarely curse on line. It’s one of the few differences between me in person, and digital me.

        Alas, I can’t fall nearly as gracefully as the guy in my gravatar. I just flail and thunk.
        (It’s like performance art.)

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        • talesfromthemotherland says:
          January 24, 2014 at 5:07 pm

          Well, duh…. when I looked at it more closely, I think it’s shopped anyway… looks more like an upright surfer, turned around and the board removed, for effect. Just my perspective.

          We share that in common then… I am constantly taking flack for my language off line, but on line, people tend to think I’m much more prissy. Olé to both of us! 😉

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  5. becomingcliche says:
    January 24, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    The whole thing has turned into a veritable poop-storm. If I want drama, I’ve got some Downton Abbey to catch up on.

    So, what’s new in your world? 😀

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Downton Abbey! Now there’s some drama I could connect with you on! There’s plenty in my world, though no baby turtles. 😦 YOU have all o the luck there. I am working on a story for a Tipsy Lit competition tomorrow. If you have time, come back and read it. IF you like my story, please vote; I could use the support! Et vous?

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  6. AreYouFinishedYet says:
    January 24, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    The important take-aways from this: Do no harm…this is not real life…if you don’t like it, be on your way. Amen to those, Dawn. Those are the rules by which I try to conduct my blogging time, which should explain why I watched this whole mess unfold from afar (very afar) and refrained from involving myself in the LC community. I think you also touch on another important thing we all need to remember: we can not rely on or expect others to make our successes for us. Is it nice to get attention from others? Darn tootin’. Is it great when others share our work? Hell to the yeah. But we shouldn’t place our hopes in the hands of others or feel we need to remain a part of something to gain ground for our own blog. Because we don’t always know where those hands have been or what they will do with us when we are in them. I think a lot of people flocked to LC hoping he would be the vehicle by which they would get noticed by the world. He knew that. And he liked that (who wouldn’t?). And it put him in a very powerful seat of control. That was my take on it anyway, which again, is why I went along my merry way. My successes are on me, and I celebrate and share others which I believe are deserving. And I constantly remind myself that if I do that, if I share the work of others, I’m doing it because it is deserved and not because I hope for a return favor. Because that is not fair. We have to make our own successes and understand that other bloggers are trying to make their own as well. More importantly, when you do your craft well (as you do), it should and eventually will speak for itself.

    As always, I love your honesty and your balance.

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    • AreYouFinishedYet says:
      January 24, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      YIkes, when I posted that, I just realized how freakin’ long it was. I apparently didn’t learn anything from this blog post 🙂

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      Thanks so much Kelly. I value your thoughts and our on line friendship. I am proud to be building my blog one reader at a time, on my own speed. No big hands pushing me along. But, what I was saying, was that it was easy to fall into the glow of the spotlight, as LC did things so well on his site. Reading that he hurt so many people is a shock to me, because while I saw that he used his power to toot his own horn and be the personality he created, I figured he was entitled to that… he built that show, and we all filed into the tent. It has been very disillusioning to read stories that have been shared. I too share and support what I really believe in, and agree that this is what the blog community should be about. I’m hoping we can find a lot more balance here.. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. xo

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    • El Guapo says:
      January 24, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      I find people I want to read from great comments.
      Like this one.

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  8. Pingback: When There’s a Fight on the Playground… | ugiridharaprasad

  9. unfetteredbs says:
    January 24, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    I’m a fairly new follower to your blog. I read because I like your writing… Quality and now you’ve proven that you’re an A+ quality person of character.

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  10. The Waiting says:
    January 24, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    It *has* been so surreal, and that’s why I’m glad that it’s dying down, as much as this kind of thing can die down. I think what left so many people (including myself) reeling in the aftermath of this ordeal was that, as bloggers, we have to constantly trust that the relationships we enter into through this medium are safe and real. We come to blogging because we want to talk about *ideas* and the minutiae of our daily lives, and if we stick with it long enough, we find people who identify with what we’re talking about and this mutual understanding convinces us that we’ve found our real friends, people we can trust. Then something like this happens it’s not about the ideas any more, but what someone has done to someone else, and naturally, one of the most natural inclinations in a time of crisis is to draw lines in the sand. The scariest, most disturbing line is hate mail, and it saddens me that people received dangerous, abusive threats in their inboxes from the very people they respected and thought were their friends only days before this happened.

    Dawn, thank you for your measured thoughts and words of wisdom in this post. While it’s so easy for us to be skeptical of each other as we work through what has happened, I appreciate the support and friendship I have found in you.

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    • NotAPunkRocker says:
      January 24, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      What she said (meaning you, Em).

      I have friends on both sides of this situation and I support them individually. My friends who were victims of his antics should be allowed to heal, my friends who are being targeted unfairly shouldn’t be. Nobody deserves the hate mail or threats.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Thank you so much Emily. You certainly know, I could not appreciate your support and friendship more. I’ll leave it at that. I agree with every word in this thoughtful comment. We do put so much out there. I write plenty of funny, or silly or issue related posts, but what I write about most is my personal life. Those who know me, and my writing, know that I have few filters when it comes to putting it out there. Some day, my kids will surely sue me, not to mention my exchange students. That is who I am in person too, but it does make me feel more vulnerable when the shit hits the fan, and things get ugly. I was very anxious about hitting publish on this one, because I’ve witnessed a lot of back biting and mean this week… and I don’t have the stomach for it. Though, as a Bostonian, in a fight, I’m tougher than I look…

      Thanks Emily… for *everything*. xo dawn

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  11. thesisterslice says:
    January 24, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    How tragic. Tragic that this space–the blogophere is used to stalk prey and try to victimize those thought to be vulnerable. I am new to this world and have enjoyed the naivety–escape from the hostility of the real world. I am glad you spoke and shared

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      There is so much more good here than bad. Stay and see. I hope you’ll read some of my other work, that has nothing to do with this, as well as other wonderful bloggers who have commented, but are about so much more… this has been a shock to many of us. We’re still processing it. If you were naive about it… stay that way. Really. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts; it’s much appreciated!

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  12. Psychobabble says:
    January 24, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    I find myself at a loss of what to say about all of this.
    I think your post was well said and balanced, as others have commented, which is a hard thing to do when feelings have been hurt and hate mail has been sent.
    I am glad that I’ve ended up on the outskirts of all this drama, and I suppose I feel duped in a way. I feel sad that someone could abuse their power and influence to promote hate and ridicule.
    I feel like this whole thing will make me think twice about how I proceed with blogging, and that again makes me feel sad. Quite like a loss of innocence, really.
    Thanks for being brave and offering your perspective. I respect it.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 24, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      Thanks Lyssa… see, there’s an upside to moving north, you missed most of this! That said, I think all of us who know the characters involved are deeply saddened to see all of this happen. As one comment said, I have folks on both side that I like and respect, and there are so many disillusioned, hurt people… who thought they were in a fun arena. I really appreciate your feedback, as you’re one of the people I’ve always trusted for clarity and honesty. I respect you as well, and I think as this was all going down… I felt the saddest, wondering who would turn on who. Yes, a true loss of innocence!

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  13. My Muted Voice says:
    January 25, 2014 at 1:00 am

    I’m so glad you wrote this. I tried so many times in comments I left to share something similar, but I just couldn’t find the words. I’m so new here, but it still affected me in a huge way. I actually dreamt about it myself and tossed and turned. We are all vulnerable in what we share, whether it’s personal or not. We put ourselves out there for numerous different reasons, but they are all similar in one way:connection. I agree with you. Do. No. Harm. I still follow the bloggers I did before that I liked and I never drew a line in the sand. The whole thing is sad and disappointing. I’m looking forward to a time when things are “normal” again.

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  14. Madame Weebles says:
    January 25, 2014 at 1:30 am

    Thank you, My Lady. I still feel shell-shocked by all of this. That’s all I can say.

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  15. jgroeber says:
    January 25, 2014 at 8:24 am

    As a new (and truly naive) blogger, it’s so easy to walk into a funeral feigning a Rodney Dangerfield voice, “Hey, why the long faces?! You look like you’re at a FUNERAL!” Zoiks! But now reading this, I get it. It’s tricky how this world is both real connections and totally imagined/fabricated ones as well. I would totally pick up some of these bl-ends (blog friends) at the playground or in the pick-up line or at an art opening. But don’t we teach our teens to never write anything anywhere (text, e-mail, FB, Twitter or blog) that they wouldn’t be willing to say in front of their grandmother, employer, college admissions officer, spouse? Because virtual becomes real the moment we type it out. And it’s real forever somewhere. You’ve parsed this out in such a heartfelt way, as always.
    See? You are the big sister of the blogging world. So glad I found you.
    (And someday I’ll figure out how to check out this Friday Fictioneers and all the other awesome writing challenges you take on. You rock for sharing.)
    Thanks for paving the way.

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  16. patriciaruthsusan says:
    January 25, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    I truly believe we’re in this world to try our best to be kind to one another. This whole thing reminds me of the sad online bullying that’s going on these days. As we know, some poor young people have actually taken their own lives because of remarks sent to them. You’re perfectly right. Some people need to grow up, but they have to make the effort themselves. No one can do that for them. Life usually takes care of that but it can be rough as people who have matured can testify. I feel truly sad for those people who don’t have supportive families and/or friends to help them build inner strength. You were shocked because you’re a supportive mother and friend. You seem to have that inner strength. It’s too bad this whole mess left so many walking wounded. Hopefully they’ll get over it if they’re able to mature and look back on it as experience. At least they weren’t on an actual battlefield with actual weapons. Although words can be very effective weapons which means we’re responsible for what we write and say.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 26, 2014 at 10:49 am

      Wow. Patricia, this is a very powerful response, and I thank you for taking the time to read the post and then share these thoughts. Thank you for your kind words to me. I do think that it is not just about growing up. Many of the people involved in this are “walking wounded” (to use your battlefield metaphor). They have been deeply wounded in the past, and this kind of incident, occurring someplace that many thought was safe and encouraging, just adds to that old pain/injury. It’s been a complicated issue because of the many things people took away from it. I really appreciate you taking the time to share this thoughtful perspective!

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  17. Calamity Rae says:
    January 26, 2014 at 10:05 am

    Dawn, just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty in this post. I think it speaks to your character. Thanks for writing this.

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  18. karabcn says:
    January 28, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Hi Dawn,
    Thank you for sharing this, I appreciate the courage it took to write about something like this. I came here following the comment you left on el Guapo’s post. This situation you describe is eerily similar to something that happened on a “corner” of Blogger, about a year ago. I was not familiar with LC, but his behaviour of “closing up shop and disappearing”, and leaving others to deal with the mess/aftermath also happened then. I hadn’t been blogging very long at the time and it was a big shock to see it happening, and the viciousness that brought out of people. I guess it’s one of those things that either “makes you or breaks you” and I’m sorry to say that a lot of bloggers who had started writing around the same time I did, closed their blogs and stopped writing altogether . Which was very sad, since I think one good side to the internet is that there is enough room for everybody to have a voice.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 28, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      I missed that one, thankfully… this and the small issues I’ve seen in other corners, are more than enough to keep me in ulcers.;-) I’m sorry that you had to deal with similar circumstances. It’s sad for everyone when these things impact so many writers/bloggers. I really appreciate you taking the time to visit my blog, read and leave a comment. I hope you’ll check out other posts on TFTM, and share your thoughts. It’s not all about the shady stuff. 😉 Thanks again for taking the time!

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  19. lingeringvisions by Dawn says:
    February 1, 2014 at 5:56 am

    Very interesting and disheartening. I enjoy blogging so much I hope this kind of thing never touches me like it has you let alone the other victims.

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  20. The Bumble Files says:
    February 1, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    Dawn, I don’t how I missed this post. I probably was in my cocoon as I’ve been retreating lately. I know it took a lot of courage to write this and I appreciate it. Your message is strong: Do no harm. I think we can all agree on that. I want to believe that this blogosphere is a safe place, a welcoming place, and for a time, that has been taken away. I, too, have been stunned and have gone on my merry way, but changed. Things may never quite be the same. Thanks for taking the time and for your honesty. It means a lot.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      February 1, 2014 at 9:11 pm

      Thanks Amy. I think it means different things for different people. I feel like I was naive about a lot of things, but now I see that things are very different, and I’m not sure I’ll ever fully trust anything here again. Not the way I did. Thanks for finding your way over. Thanks for your feedback, Amy, as I always enjoy our back and forth. Honestly, I don’t think this is brave… but appreciate you saying so.

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  21. Dove Seven Gold says:
    February 16, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Hi,
    thankyou for giving the link to ‘el guapo’s’ post; which led me to read the post by ‘Calamity rae’; I am horrified by what happened to her; and the emails were disgusting; I think she was brave to write this post, and she did it to protect others.

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    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      February 16, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      I’m glad you appreciated my post, and the link to Guapo. I think this situation has been very complicated, and sadly, I feel that things have become far too ugly on every side. I respect any person’s right to share their truth, but I have trouble supporting the direction this all went. Thanks for taking the time to read my work.

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  22. Dove Seven Gold says:
    February 17, 2014 at 1:47 am

    As I’d only just found out, I’m now in processing mode 🙂 and what has come to mind is a particular telling of ‘The Littlest Key’ in Clarrisa pinkola-Estes invaluable book for women, called ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves’; all the best, Dove.

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