Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, the best flash fiction in town! Each week– on Wednesday, not Friday, writers from all over the world throw their hats in the ring, and respond to a photo prompt. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields leads our merry band, and this week the very talented Adam Ickes provides the muse. Join us or check out other stories, on Rochelle’s blog, Addicted to Purple.
Again, this is a continuation of a story that started last September. IF you are interested, you can check out he previous chapters: here, here, here, here and here. As always, I appreciate constructive or thoughtful feedback.
I have been remiss in thanking and following through on some kind and generous blogging “awards.” One just came from our own Friday Fictioneers’ community. Karen Whitelaw was wonderful to bestow upon me the “Field of Flower’s Award.” I was very touched, and I love flowers! I’m honored that she appreciates my work. As many of you know, I do not answer questions anymore for awards. It’s all been said on my blog, and I can barely keep up with comments (I answer them all) and posts! That said, I am grateful for the nod, from a blogging peer. Each week I look forward to Karen’s Friday Fictioneers’ story. On her blog, A Writer’s Life, she shares her FF stories as well as all things writerly. Her recent post on verbs was wonderful! You should make a point of checking it out too, and make sure you read her story this week… it is always worth the time! I’ll give it some thought, and be sure to pass it on.
Now, on to this week’s story!
© Adam Ickes
(99 words)
The vistas never ceased to amaze her. Beauty abounds, Marjorie thought, daily. She longed for Henry, but understood he had his own life to live; it might be years before he joined her. She wondered if he might meet someone new; then, whom would he choose?
“You will find them at the end of the pier.” The words had floated on the breeze, mysteriously left for her. An endless wait, taking in the beauty around her– hoping that Henry would find her. “This is not the Heaven I imagined!” – she cried to the spectacular, but empty landscape.
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
I was a bit slow on the uptake with this one, and I didn’t see the last line coming until I read it. A beautiful place for heaven.
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It’s a continuation of the previous story, and it did occur to me that maybe it would be too vague, to those who hadn’t read those… or don’t remember them. I probably should have spent more time on it, Claire. :-p Thanks for the feedback, and the time you took for my story. Much appreciated.
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Good story as usual, and also well written as usual, Dawn. Congratulations on your latest award!
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Thank you; thanks, and thanks again, Patricia! You are always so kind.
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congratulations dawn! the last heart-wrenching line took me by surprise.
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Thanks KZ. It’s a continuation, and maybe doesn’t work on it’s own. Alas…
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umm dawn i know horror isn’t really your favorite genre but i do hope you’ll join the blog blast for my new book 🙂 🙂
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I’ll go check it out, KZ!
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I doubt that any of us have the slightest idea what heaven will actually be like, but I’m OK with that. 🙂 Your ending surprised me.
janet
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Well, that is 4 comments in a row… the votes are in, and the story didn’t really work. I’ve tried to make sure that each chapter of this story, stands on its own; this one maybe didn’t work out. I appreciate your time; thanks Janet!
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You’re one busy lady and if I might add-an inspiration because we new bloggers all begin in an “empty landscape.” Thank you for collecting all your treasures from around the world and storing them here.
AnnMarie
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Why thank you AnnMarie. That is so kind of you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. Welcome to blogging and welcome to Friday Fictioneers… you will find a generous and supportive group of writers here, and a highly addictive challenge each week! 😉
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When I brave-up, I may take on a challenge or two. And thank you, for the warm welcome. I hope to plant a few roots or at least sow a seed.
AnnMarie
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Great! I’ll look forward to reading your work. 🙂
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Great addition to the tale!
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Thanks Guapo. Glad you understood that part. I’m afraid I fell a wee bit short this week, in making the connection clear. Thanks for stopping by.
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Heavenly tale. I too wonder about the hereafter, although without any clear expectations. Just peace from life’s rat race…
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I wonder how we’d all feel, if we really knew what to expect? The big unknown, for sure! Thanks for taking the time, Hugmama!
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Wonderful job of packing an emotional punch into so few words!
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Thanks Carrie. Glad you liked it! 😀
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Oh this took me by surprise.. the waiting .. and uncertainty..
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Hmm, how fun to surprise a few people! What looked like I missed the boat, is starting to feel good. 😉 Thanks Björn.
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HaHa. Made me smile. Surely awkward social situations don’t exist in heaven? I hope it isn’t ”the other place?”
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I hope not, Sarah! Let’s hope it will all turn out ok. 😉 Thanks for tuning in.
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Great story Dawn I think we must have great minds my story explores a similar concept. Well done.
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Thanks Michael! I’m headed right over. Great minds… indeed. 😉 Thanks for stopping by!
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Thanks Dawn, great piece you wrote.
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Thanks. I really appreciate that. 🙂
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My pleasure.
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Nice story, we all have different concepts of ‘heaven’, this is not a bad one.
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I’m not sure how I’d feel about this Heaven, Jackie. It’s so true though, that we all have our own images.Thanks for tuning in!
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Heaven or Hell? | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks for sharing my work! 🙂
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That doesn’t really sound like much of a Heaven at all. Sounds more like Purgatory with all the uncertainty and doubt.
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Yes… it does. I’m following the bread crumbs, my friend. We shall have to wait and see where it goes. 😉
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I liked how hopeful she was – it felt good.
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Thanks Erin. I thin she believes in Henry. Hopefully she’s right.
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Nice piece, Dawn. I didn’t realise it was a continuation so I think for me it lost some of its impact, but I couldn’t fault it in any way. Well done..
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I have gotten that from a few now… I did mention in the intro, and provided links… same story I’ve been telling. However, it’s good feedback, Sandra. It should stand on its own, and clearly it doesn’t. I’ll have to be more mindful in future additions to the story. Thanks for your honest feedback, Sandra. It always helps me as a writer!
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What an interesting idea of Heaven, Dawn. I’m with Adam, but what a resilient character she is to see beauty in it every day.
And thank you so much for the wonderful things you said about my blog. I appreciate your kindness.
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YOU are the kind one, Karen. Thanks again for the honor of the flower award. 😀
I think this piece didn’t stand on its own, well enough, as several readers have noted. The continuation of a story is a tricky deal…especially when spread out so much. I’ll have to look at that for any future additions to this tale. Thanks!
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An opening with many possibilities.
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Indeed.
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Well, they say you have to stay on the straight and narrow path to get there, but I hope not to be as lonely as Majorie once I arrive. Great take on the prompt.
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Thanks Russell. I hope not too. But it’s all about perspective, right? Maybe some solitude would be ok. Most days, dealing with my kids… I’d love some! 😉
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So, am I to understand that Henry is not there as she had hoped! Then, definitely not a heaven for her. I hope that this isn’t the end of the line for her. Great work, Dawn. I love this take. I think it works on its own, too.
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I liked that Henry wasn’t waiting for her in heaven. Odd I know, that I was glad she was alone. I imagine death, like life, is not always as we expect it to be. But probably exactly what we need. And perhaps she needs a moment to herself before reconnecting. a breather just might be paradise.
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Yes! I totally agree, Dana. The general consensus seems to be that this is all wrong, but IF I were to believe in Heaven, and imagine it (as I’m doing here), I have to think that it would have some complexities too. Time might feel different there (ie: a long wait for Marjorie, may only be a blip in life time); expectations might be challenged; there are endless possibilities, I think. Thanks for reading, and for your astute comment. 😉
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Dear Dawn,
A rather lonely view of heaven. Don’t ask me why, but it suddenly put me in mind of a dear friend who lost his wife two years ago. Recently he met someone and is ready to move on. Well written and raises a lot of questions. Nice when a piece gets the conversation flowing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I do like to see my writing provoke conversation… I guess I’m frustrated that I didn’t take enough time to make sure the story held together/stood on its own. Several comments note that they didn’t get it… without the other parts, it didn’t work. That’s something I missed. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Rochelle. I always look forward to your feedback. 🙂 Shalom, Dawn
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Getting your continuing story 100 words at a time is a bit infuriating, although I make allowances for you as my friend. Like waiting for a favorite author to release a new title, I must say, I am ready to read the manuscript now. If it isn’t ready, just send me a draft, okay? – Mike
PS – I hope to see you in July. 🙂
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I guess that’s a compliment, right? Glad you’re hooked, Mike. 😉 Keep me posted; I’d love to see you!
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A compliment? Of course! 🙂
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I agree with Marjorie, wondering if the man you love will find someone new doesn’t sound like heaven to me either.
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It’s not over, until it’s over. Maybe Marjorie will have to wait and see… And of course, this writer, never said what it was. 😉 Thanks Dawn.
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Only if our imaginations matched the reality-sigh!Poor Marjorie-to be surrounded by such beauty but to be alone-hopefully Henry won’t be too long coming :-)Good job:-)
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Right! None of REALLY know what comes after… so it’s all a magical mystery tour! 😉
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Absolutely! 🙂
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That line – “This is not the Heaven I imagined” – so powerful. I think it’s awesome how you’ve been able to continue this story in little snippets!
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I didn’t imagine it being a “series” when I started… but now it just pops into my head, when certain photo prompts speak to me. Funny how that goes. Thanks Tiffany!
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I think that’s great. I love it when inspiration comes that way. You’re welcome!
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Seems to be an existentialist heaven overflowing with beauty and empty of what is desired 🙂
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It does look that way… we’ll see! 😉
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So sad. I could say, “Hope he dies soon,” but I won’t.
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You wouldn’t be alone! I think a lot of readers, who have followed this story, are waiting for poor Henry to die. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
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Great Job~ Love it, Nan
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Thanks Nan. So glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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