I cannot deny, I live in a Facebook world. I log on every day; I like things; I comment and interact with friends and family, near and far. Admittedly, I lose hours to Facebook every week. I wont justify or explain; it is what it has become. I see many wonderful advantages to Facebook and have felt grateful for the opportunity to connect, on some level, with many people who I might not see for long periods of time, and who– if left to letter writing and phone calls, I might lose touch with altogether–Friends and family alike. It’s a reality of busy lives, geography, and changing social norms, and there are benefits to these changes.
This girl was a little lost and clueless… in 1981
Take my high school graduation class: These are people I grew up with, but admittedly, many of them I hardly knew then and wouldn’t know now…if not for Facebook. Back when we were in school together, we were kids– living in that adolescent haze that we only recognized as blurred, much later in life. Prior to Facebook, I attended two high school reunions, and honestly– I left feeling disconnected and disappointed. I moved away from my hometown a long time ago. My childhood and youth were fraught with struggles that made me feel separate and isolated from the frivolity and social themes I saw around me in high school. I was busy trying to look normal, each day when I left my troubled home. While I knew that my mother was doing her best, I also knew her best wasn’t something I wanted to share with others. So, I covered well and tried to fit into a world I believed was better than mine. At reunions, honestly, I came back and felt just as outside the box, as I had at 12, 15, 17 and 18. That was even more disconcerting, as I aged and knew that I didn’t need to put myself in those situations anymore. Why go?
While the woman she became danced and enjoyed the connections!
Then, just before our 30th reunion, someone started a Facebook reunion page– and an entire world of good people opened up to me. I was hesitant about another reunion, unwilling to travel so far to possibly leave feeling empty again. Instead, as former classmates greeted each other on our private FB wall– as they shared their family pictures, their status updates, their joys and challenges– the walls came down, on the wall. I saw that much of what I’d thought I’d known about people, in our youth, was just as fictional as my own story. Other kids felt outside too. Classmates were bullied, were gay, were insecure, were happy and unhappy; some were losing parents to divorce and early deaths, or struggling to fit in and look normal… just like I was. We each had our own stories, and few of us really knew how many other stories were happening around us. We knew surface. However, at nearly 50, on our new Facebook wall, the need to appear any certain way melted, and I saw good people who I might connect with in new ways. Because of the connections we made on Facebook beforehand, our 30th reunion was a fantastic weekend of really connecting with each other. These people know from whence I come, and because of FB, went into the weekend with a clearer idea of who I am now.
Yet, for each reason I can give for being grateful to Facebook, I also struggle– mightily, with the downside. As someone “who came of age” at a time when we memorized phone numbers and called people, wrote letters, visited– it comes down to this: I just don’t get how real, meaningful connection can take a back seat to Facebook’s easy “Likes” and false sense of meaning and connectivity. I don’t get it. And herein is my struggle: I believe in connection. It is central to who I am and how I live my life. Admittedly, my connection may not appeal to everyone, and I am certainly old enough to understand that one can only sustain so many real ties. We’re not all meant to be friends; ok, I accept that.
However, take real life… the life that unfolds on a deeper level, and I believe, is not enhanced by Facebook. I have far more friends on Facebook than I have in real life, but what do I mean to most of them? People meet you at a conference, or a party, or the grocery store, and they friend you on FB. It’s hard to decline. As a blogger, I get requests from folks who have only read my writing. What are they seeking? What should I offer? That’s why I have a FB page for my blog– that’s where those friendships should live. Others have gotten to know me through my writing and have reached out to know me better. I appreciate their interest, but I am not my blog; I am not everything I write. Yet, in some cases, Facebook allows us to share those same family photos, goals and adventures, and get to know each other.
But should family and friends– real connections, rely on Facebook to maintain connectivity? No. If we cannot share a real phone call, a lunch or coffee or meeting face to face, where we share some reality, why do you need to like my new haircut, or birthday celebration, etc… on Facebook? If you can’t call me to say you want my advice, or like my taste in restaurants, doctors, movies– if you don’t really want to spend time with me in person (and let’s be honest, some of you don’t), how is it ok to write to me on Facebook and ask me to do you a favor? If you chat with me on-line, and play games, “chat,” socialize– but wouldn’t include me in a flesh and bones get together, that you know I’d like, why make the effort on-line? If I call you and try to share real-time, and you can’t reciprocate, why be my Facebook friend at all? How do you benefit from seeing what I did today, on Facebook; how do reality and cyber blur?
Who is this person, versus the one writing this post? I am sure that I don’t actually have 477 friends!
The ability to watch each other’s lives unfold on Facebook can be fun and sometimes the most realistic way for friends and family, who live far away and live busy lives, to keep up and share things sometimes. But it can also be a very superficial way to think you are connecting, when in fact it’s as empty and meaningless as reading the news and thinking you get what people in the stories are feeling. I am so much more than the happy birthday greetings, the photos of fun times, the news of events that I post on Facebook. My feelings are hurt when I try to connect with people– reach out to say: hey, let’s have lunch; let’s go birding; I’d love to join you– and you don’t respond… but hit like on a FB posting. My feelings are hurt when I call you, and you don’t call back or acknowledge the vulnerability that goes into trying to reach out for real, but you like my photos and leave your mysterious imprint on my Facebook wall. Some days, those imprints– those cyber footprints, those mysterious breadcrumbs are haunting… why were you there? What do I mean to you? Or, is it only my Facebook image that you like?
Facebook has become a double edges sword that is a major presence in our day-to-day world. The powers that be at FB have determined that we need to know when someone has “seen” something we posted; that we can be liked for things as widely different as our daily run or the birth of a child. If you’re on FB, you are constantly reminded that people you know, are there, looking at something you wrote, or posted– but not necessarily connecting with you. People can avoid you in real life, but still let you know that they wish you a happy birthday, or like your outfit, or just looked at something you posted (“Seen by 10 people,” but who, and why?), and then retreat to the background again.
Where does that leave us in 2015, in regards to relationships? Are we destined to become more and more dependent on sound bites, hit and run Likes, and comments to show our feelings? If you haven’t been kind to me in person, but are nice on-line, should I give you the benefit of the doubt– and visa versa? I’m not suggesting that it’s all one-sided; I am just as guilty of drive by affection as the next person. But these things creep into my thoughts regularly, and trouble me. I struggle to know who do I invite to a party, based on real life versus Facebook ties, and what does a given person feel about me in real-time versus the way they Like me on Facebook? These things keep me up at night, trying to come to terms with reality versus the Facebook bed our culture has made– and in which I find it hard to sleep.
Share your thoughts in the comments, and if you haven’t already, stop by my Facebook page… and hit Like. Yes, I’m ironic that way.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Wow! You’re so right. Facebook is powerful and complex and demanding and wonderful. When my son sends me a photo of a new hike in Taiwan or a writer friend living far away in Ontario wants to talk literature in a private message, I’m absolutely thrilled. We could do it via email, but somehow FB is more immediate, more like an explosive electronic bouquet and, darling Dawn, we all need flowers. Love you!
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We do indeed. And occasionally, some of those flowers will have thorns. I still choose flowers.
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Those with thorns have delightful scents, of course, and are often quite lovely. Beware?
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Yes, beware. I remember when you noted on FB that it had become too easy to just hit Like, and you were going to avoid it– preferring to leave something more meaningful, as a comment, etc. I like FB; I use it all the time, but I still think that it has led to a level of apathy and insincerity in many interactions, that makes me cringe. The movement, that prompted your thoughts about not just hitting Like, but trying to be more engaged, was prompted by someone else, who saw what I’m saying here. I am not original in these thoughts, and others have said it more creatively or eloquently, but I really do think that too many people think that a quick Like can replace a sincere and thoughtful effort to connect. I do, however get flowers– thorns and all.
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I totally agree with you in the gist of what you are writing. And, I rarely friend people unless they are classmates from high school (though I have unfriended a couple of bigots), have the same face-to-face spiritual teacher, or I have a gut reaction about them that I might want to get to know them better. So after 5 years, I only have 170 friends. Some are overseas friends that are mentors, teachers, students online. I get many requests, and posted a meme on my personal header that says that this page is for close friends only, but they can “like” dkatiepowellart.
I have also been disappointed in wanting to meet a local that I thought about friending — and they didn’t want to meet to be my FRIEND after wanting to friend me on FB. I think people like tht collect friends. And family doesn’t connect much on FB. Yes, maybe a little, but we talk on the phone and see each other in person.
Finally either texting or FB has changed the way people interact and I don’t like it. Some don’t know how to have a conversation anymore, write a letter, respond when you send them an email? They treat it like a tweet! And don’t get me started on tweeting. I don’t! I have our business name as an account so no one else can use it!
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I agree on every count, here. It’s so strange to me, the folks who want to connect on line, but not in person. Strange. And yes, ignoring emails and phone messages, as if it was a Tweet. It’s a wild and wicked world, we’ve created. This old dog struggles with the new tricks. Thanks for taking the time to read, and share your thoughts. It’s much appreciated.
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Ahh. The Facebook conundrum. I have less than 100 friends on FB and it works well for me that way. I have enjoyed reconnecting to a few former classmates (both high school and college), and I like keeping up with some cousins this way. There have been a few people I’ve unfriended over the past few years. But more and more, if I’m not sure I want someone to read about the fact that I’m tearing my hair out over my kids anxiety attack, causing him to miss school yet again, I don’t friend them in the first place. If they really want to connect, they can send me a message. Usually, they don’t.
I recently checked out the feature FB has where you can make posts visible to only certain friends by creating groups. I’m going to be working with a woman who has FB friends who work with her in the school system, and other friends who know she’s a working psychic. Because the two don’t always mix well (especially around here), we’re going to create some groups for her to be able to post about an upcoming psychic fair without all the people she works with seeing it. (And yes, she does have a separate page for her intuitive business).
Thought provoking post!
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Thanks Susan. Yes, I think that’s one of the things I struggle most with– people seeing personal things, that I don’t really want to share with everyone. I know there are the groups and you can list people as acquaintances, so that they see less of what you post… but it’s all so much work. If I’d known then, what I know now, would I have accepted that friend request? No; I wouldn’t– even as I acknowledge that I’ve also built some very wonderful connections on FB, that would be hard to manage otherwise. What a tangled web… Thanks for your thoughts!
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It’s interesting to read this, because as an introvert, I don’t experience this. I’m just as closed off in real life as I am online. In fact, I probably offer more information online than I do off, but even that is fairly superficial. It’s just not in my nature to reach out and connect beyond my limited interactions. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy people’s company–I do. But introverts tend to have very limited inner circles, and they’re fine with restricting their contacts to them. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Fascinating post, as always, Dawn. You’re always giving me new insights. 🙂
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That being said, in terms of social media, I don’t really like Facebook. I prefer Twitter.
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Short, sweet, and much more invisible… I can see that.
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And you, Carrie, are always shining a light on an aspect I didn’t consider– or didn’t see quite the same way. Thanks for this insightful feedback. I’ll take your word for it, and resist pushing to meet in person. 😉
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Haha. 🙂
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When we were living overseas, Facebook and various other social media were ways of staying in touch with family and friends as well as new friends we met along the way. Now that we have settled into domestic life stateside, Facebook is mostly good for following the events of grandchildren and, as you stated, high school companions who are spread out all over.
My wife was a social media fanatic while we were traveling. Now she has dropped them all. There was so much crap out there – bigotry, uncivil comments, trash talk, etc. mixed in with news, commentary and photos that it just did not seem worth the time to follow, much less respond to people. Ironically, I am now the connection to bother her family and mine.
Speaking of connecting, I am eagerly anticipating our next shared coffee break. 🙂 – Mike
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Mike, I can absolutely see how that would be true for you guys. Distance certainly feeds that connection. I can see how it might change, when you’re home and that connection becomes superfluous.
I’ll email you; we definitely need to make that happen. 🙂
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Dawn, I too have mixed feelings about FB as well as about much of technology and the paradox of the immediacy of it vs the impersonality of it. I realize that much of each of these (FB, internet, email, etc.) is what I make it, the time I put into it, what I do with the relationships I make there or those improved by the use. Often, it’s just TMI, things popped into the ether of the public without thought or care. It can be difficult to manage the emotions and effects to the ego. But, these things won’t go away, so I guess I have to learn to deal with them or withdraw, the latter something I don’t want to do, either. In the meantime, I’ll continue to meet people in person, write letters, talk on the phone, use texts and emails to keep in contact, and try to maintain my control over all of this “stuff”, taking advantage of what’s useful and steering away from the rest. Sometimes I’ll succeed and sometimes I won’t and I’ll try to maintain privacy as much as possible (if I can figure out how.) 🙂
janet
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Thanks for contributing to the dialogue, Janet. I agree, as you can see, with all that you say. To some extent, I feel like an old dog, who struggles with new tricks, but really it’s deeper than that. It’s the frustration I feel with people who prefer the shallowness of a Like, or a quick comment, than the effort that is required to make that call, or answer an email or text– as if a like can reassure me that you’re there? There? Of course, there are personal details to all of this, which, I think are fairly transparent in this post, but my husband and I were talking about how I think this changing landscape is something that more and more of us struggle with. The impersonal element of instant contact.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and share your thoughtful perspective. It is much appreciated, sincerely.
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What astonish me constantly are the comments and posts, not just on FB but online in general, that are full of words people WOULD NEVER use in face-to-face conversation. I’m 100% for free speech (nous sommes tous Charlie), but the output has to keep in mind that there’s a real, live human being on the receiving end. Yes, Facebook et al. are great ways to connect and re-connect, replacing ye olde Christmas letter and helping spread everything from cancer remission to Amber Alerts. But all broadcast and no real two-way (or at least no earnest consideration of dialogue) makes sorry sots of us all, drunk in our own navel gazing and unable to filter out the garbage.
Indeed, we had similar things on our minds today. See, the internet’s not all bad. xo
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The internet is brilliant, indeed… but with all the potholes that you mention. I find it all very tangled and complex. I love that FB and the internet brings people right into my house, and helps me connect with folks like you, and others, who I might not have “met” otherwise. Ultimately, it’s the gap between the effort some make (and others don’t) to connect and the lack of efforts that others make, that I struggle with. It’s a multi-layered issue for sure, but ultimately, yes, I am so grateful for connections I’ve made with you and other remarkable people. Blessings.
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Dawn, like you, I had a life before there was social media. At times, I’m exhausted by social media, so I limit myself. Some people really eat it up and love it and it’s obvious. I find Facebook a bit draining sometimes. It’s like hearing everyone’s voices at once. You know those people who have special powers to read minds, this is what Facebook feels like to me. I take in a dose and then I must leave it for a while, because it feels like too much at once. As soon as I’m not having fun with it, I leave it. My personal relationships have diminished since I have been online in the last two years. So, hmmm….I need to do something about that. I’m trying to reach out to more people in my real life. I wonder if people have got into the habit of not reaching out, because FB and other social media is easier. You don’t even have to get dressed! Wonderful, insightful post!
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I think FB is an enormous distraction from real connection. People seem to think that if they hit like for something you post, or say happy bd on line, they no longer have to call (this applies to closer friends and family*!). It’s very perplexing to me. I have always been someone who works hard to maintain ties, and I really grieve over those losses. This post, comes of months of struggling over some losses and some recent observations about effort, connection, relationships… Love hearing your insights, Amy. And, of course if it weren’t for blogging and FB, we might not have met… so, there’s that. 🙂
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What an interesting post. I find myself on FB more solely for the purpose of publicizing my blog to generate more views and followers, so it is interesting to learn more about strangers via FB than those in my personal life.
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There’s no doubt that FB was intriguing to me for those same reasons, Queen, and no doubt I would not be on Twitter at all if not for blogging and “platform” building. My writing has driven a lot of my social media ties, but FB has infiltrated all aspects of life, I think, and now you may only hear from relatives on FB… just as much as other bloggers!
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Very true! Happy Sunday!
Amanda
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Great post! I kept bobbing my head reading your post. I have not used FB for a while to chat with friends but relied on it to share my posts; I check now and then…and when someone sees me on line they may chat with me…but I have had to tell friends that if they need to contact me to please do not fb msg me…text or phone me. I post so friends and family see but blogs are public and some comments I have a group of close friends and family that can see. I do still prefer a nice letter delievered by the postman:) A friend got me on FB who had moved to Australia and I like that part of connecting with people who live far away but if a friend calls, that is connecting:)
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Thanks Oliana, and welcome to Tales From the Motherland. I’m not sure I can put this genie back in the bottle, but sometimes it’s tempting! Agreed, FB is in fact wonderful for long-distance friendship: sharing photos, updates, etc– the immediacy can be great! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment; your time is very appreciated.
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7 or 8 years ago, I don’t remember correctly, I opened up a facebook account…which I closed a couple of months later. It made me feel more lonely and I couldn’t understand why bother inviting someone you barely even talked to while at school, to check what you’re doing. To me, facebook is the joy of the peeping Toms out there. I just don’t get it how it got so huge. I understand the promotional side of it. I think it’s a powerful tool for artists but for people like me is just…well..a little sad. Enjoyed reading you…yet again!
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Exactly! Yes, that’s it, María; it is a very peeping Tom kind of thing. I like the connectivity that it brings to some of my friendships: messaging, sharing instant stuff, etc, but it’s the folks who I hardly know, or worse, who I know don’t really want to hang out with me or like me, who are there just to see what I’m doing. It gives me the willies, but then, I let them in the door.
Thanks for your thoughtful response.
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Ahhh navigating the facebook FOG and the 6 degrees of separation. I have love hate relationship with FB. I dislike that they made my name public on FB. I don’t like that due to my job in the community that I have to be careful and can’t be myself on FB. That interference on my personal life makes me cringe. I think FB allows people to be “fake” but, like you, have rekindled some friendships but the connection certainly isn’t real. The best part of facebook, for me, is the ability to easily connect with family living out of state and it is the only way my college gal will talk to me : FB messenger. She can be on it at work in the library. Also– the ROTC Army has a group, believe it or not, and I can see what she does. I love the pictures and the sharing of ” life” from my real friends. That makes me smile, everyday.( I’m a genuine person and sometimes FB hurts.)
I enjoy social media but I enjoy it more if I can be free..hence not using my full name. I let those in that I want but make it difficult to find me. I love love love my blogging buddies and they are mine all mine. No stupid FB interference. Twitter too
And now I need a nap…most words I’ve written in months. Haaaa
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Yes, yes, and yes! One of my dearest friends can’t be on FB at all do to her highly public, and risky job. Can’t take that chance. I miss not being able to share photos, etc with her… but otherwise, yes. Thank A. I appreciate the very genuine (and yes, to that too!) words. D
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I suffer from social anxiety. I can only cope with meeting people I know, friends I like, one at a time. More than that and I risk a panic attack. Even the prospect of meeting up with one person, a friend, takes a great deal of effort. I tend to go for occasional walks in the country with them as the movement helps to prevent me leaving, which I would want to do if we were in one place. I will dissect everything I said afterwards for weeks and feel awful, convinced I have said something foolish. I couldn’t attend a family funeral last year (which really hurt my husband) because the idea of being questioned by all those people terrified me.
If it weren’t for Facebook I would have lost touch with all but a handful of people I know and like. I eschew meetings. I rarely answer my phone. My family know to text me. I am comfortable writing but not speaking.
Facebook I keep for people I know. Twitter is my window on the world and I love it, that I can be part of a conversation without fear. I do go out sometimes, but to places where the people I meet will not know me personally. I find it easier to be with people who do not know me. I can walk away afterwards safe in the knowledge that I will be forgotten, just another face in the crowd.
Reading back on that I must sound like a weird person, perhaps I am. My point I guess is that reasons for refusing to talk or meet up can be complex.
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I’ve witnessed my daughter’s social anxiety, so I can totally relate where you are coming from. She uses Tumblr a lot, so I can see what has been interesting to her lately.
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I think that many social medias are especially good (or bad) for people who struggle with social anxieties– allowing them to engage, with less fear, with safer boundaries. I too find comfort in that sometimes. I question, however, when social media (FB, Twitter, Tumblr, etc) are used to simply violate others’ space. If you know what I mean? As always, it thrills me to see ME, when I log on. Though, NO doubt, face to face would be so much better! xl
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Jackie, I really appreciate you sharing so openly, and candidly. I totally understand this aspect of socializing, and agree that getting together can indeed be complex– there are more reasons than we can string together here. For me, my struggle is with folks who simply aren’t really interested in connecting, but prefer to slip in, take a peek and leave. Hard to swallow sometimes. It’s a double edged sword, as I said. There are many positives I get from it as well. I love the dialogue it’s started! Thanks for contributing to that.
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LOL Dawn, I can’t help mentioning that you bullied me into friending you when I had only joined Facebook for a study group and I was determined to limit it to that. I would much rather see you in person but I am glad I get to see glimpses of you through Facebook. I have a strange hodgepodge of cousins, and former schoolmates; there is no rhyme or reason to who I have friended. It is mainly people that I would lose touch with if not for Facebook. I still am nervous posting anything because I feel like privacy is something that is undervalued but I don’t always have time to post a thoughtful comment and that is why I like the Like button. I feel supportive and sometimes with enough Likes something catches the eye of the newscasters and I think that is really helpful too.
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I would argue that “bullied” is too strong a word… begged, pleaded, perhaps. I recall feeling very vulnerable and needy– desperate for one more possible way to be near you! 😉 That said, our FB connection has not exactly fed that need! I have always admired how you conduct yourself, ME. You have true integrity in everything you do. Be assured, if there were no FB, I would still jump on a plane, to be near you… I only wish it was more often! FB at least allows me to take a peak every once in a while, and see your face. xo
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Another post that gets right to the heart – of the matter, of the individual, on so many levels.
It seems clear to me that every person has different strengths and capabilities. Different time constraints and different comfort levels. This is just as true on social media as it is in real-life, face-to-face relationships. And that’s OK.
I have noticed that some FB friends post daily, multiple comments while others remain virtually invisible. And that’s OK. I can see which friends have all their family members overseas and which friends are tied up with hectic work schedules. I know that when I post a photo it will not be seen by everyone – they’re not all checking every day. I also know that I miss a lot by not checking every day (and sometimes I have to be content with just a quick peek). And I tend to clam up when the crappola hits the fan.
It’s complicated. No doubt. But I’m grateful for what I’ve gained: connecting with people I care about. Getting the chance to know old classmates better, too – boy, those 4 years of SHS flew by and I was so busy with school work (and the boyfriend) that I missed the chance to know some terrific people. Social media has changed the way we relate to people, but I believe the benefits outweigh the difficulties.
See? You’ve piqued me into a lengthy rant here. I could play it safe and hit “delete”. That would keep me in my comfort zone. But you, my dear, are worth it. 143 🙂
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You rarely say something that isn’t worth saying, Val! I often want to take your responses and write a whole blog post around them… or put them in the original piece, for their beauty and honesty.
I probably was not clear in this post: I enjoy and like FB for the all the same reasons you and others are suggesting. I get that not everyone will “Like” a post, or comment– I don’t want that, actually. It’s the folks who use FB to create a false relationship (hey, we’re friends on FB, but I would never invite you to join me in person) that I struggle with. I struggle with my own involvement in that, as well.
I agree, too, that for the most part the benefits “outweigh the difficulties,” but sometimes that’s a bitter pill I swallow. Thanks for your (as always) enlightened perspective. Love you. 143.
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Ah yes. Those people. The “friend” collectors. OK for businesses, but not for personal life. I can see how that would become a problem when the personal and business worlds intertwine. If anyone comes up with a good way to handle that I would love to know. It can really be painful. But from what I can see you are doing a darn exellent job!
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Ah man, why’d you have to go and make me think deeply about Facebook? 🙂 Now that I AM thinking about it, I actually don’t use Facebook all that much to interact with my closest friends (unless they live out of town) or the people I do hang out with in person. Because we CAN forge our connections in person. I do most of my interaction with friends and people I hardly see and may NEVER actually see in person…not that I WOULDN’T hang with them in person. Okay, now I’ve written ENTIRELY too many words in all caps, which means I’m getting WAY more serious about Facebook than I need to be. Now I’m going to go snoop on your page 🙂 Just kidding. I have to get my ass to writing. Still no ideas for a blog post this week, and I have two deadlines for a new gig I started last month. Geez Dawn, stop distracting me with your awesome blog.
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I love the way you think, Kelly… even when it circles back. 😉 I’m dying of curiosity: what are the new gigs??? You must share– we’re friends! On Facebook! And on blogs! That must count for something… right? 😉 xox
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Your 1981 photo has a movie star quality. I’m not on the facebook. I know no one now who I knew in high school. It seems to me that if you are good at forgiveness, then reconnecting works. Not having mastered that particular skill, I tend to stick with coping in the moment with those who actually are in my life. If someone should happen to want to know what’s happening with me, I try to keep an open mind and give them the benefit of the doubt that all they want is to relive their own glory days. I just re-read this. I sound so cynical. I need to work on that. 😉
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Honie, I think I’ve had to work really hard on forgiveness, on SO many levels. When it comes to my hs friends, it has been so healing to get beyond what we all felt in our youth. I can say, very few of us are “reliving glory days,” but instead we have all been much more open to real experiences, and letting go of old issues. I love that! We share a very strong childhood place, and it’s really special to move on and enjoy where we are now. You don’t sound cynical; I get it. 😉 Thanks for weighing in, S.
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Look at all there comments–good for you! I am ambivalent about FB these days, as you are. It is a great way to connect and reconnect with people and I have had several experiences that mirror your with long lost friends or even new acquaintances who turned into friends. And I have experienced huge losses of time by reading what people post.
As one of the other commenter posted, FB was great when we lived in Australia last year. It helped me keep track of where we were, what we did and made it easier to keep up to dates with friends while on completely different hemispheres. Of course blogging also helped me keep in touch with friends and family back in the states too!
But in many ways FB adds to isolation. Reading snippets of others’ lives and commentary can paint a rosy scene that feels lonely to those not included. It is funny that since my accident, and inability to get out on my own, I have barely been on FB. I’ve little positive to report and seeing what everyone else is doing compounds my self-pity. I enjoy FB and what it offers when I’m in a better place emotionally to contribute.
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Heidi, I imagine it’s really frustrating to be stuck inside, or inactive, while others are posting their activities. Hopefully you’ll be back in the swing of things very soon! These are all very good points; thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!
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Well said. You have articulated something that’s been nagging at me for awhile. FB has led to connections, sometimes meaningful, sometimes not. And it turns out that I don’t use it that much except to keep track of the conversations and sharing in all the groups I belong to.
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I think a lot of people feel exactly like you, Jilanne. I don’t want to give it up, but I wish I could put the Genie at least half way back in the bottle!
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I absolutely hate the thing! I only use it to promote my blog. I don’t visit other people’s FB page. I rarely visit my children’s posts because if they’ve posted something I don’t know about it makes me anxious, and if I do know about, then I certainly have more details then they are posting. I find the thing to be voyeuristic and manipulative (people who “unfriended” me because they didn’t like my blog posts purposely troll my children’s FB pages–WTF?), so when I cease to need a medium to promote my blog and books, I’ll cease to use Facebook.
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I can so understand where you’re coming from Eleanor… some days, I really wonder what I’m doing, while other days I love it. I certainly love the opportunity to share info/photos, etc with people I care about, who live far away.
Thanks for taking the time to read and share you thoughts. I always appreciate your thoughtful comments.
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