Welcome to Friday Fictioneers– a most addictive weekly flash fiction challenge. Use the photo prompt to write a 100-word story and join this group of Kool Kats, from all over the world! Check out our fearless leader Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog Addicted Purple, to read more stories, learn more, or join in. The photo this week is from Lauren Moscato via Amy Reese.
As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback; please leave a comment and tell me what you think.
© Lauren Moscato
Leavin’ This House Full of Hard
When I was little, mama told me to study hard and get my diploma; said an education was the only way outta this town.
Daddy worked his whole life in the factory– gettin’ up before the sun, and comin’ home after dinner. Mama kept his food warm– leavin’ the oven door cracked to keep us warm too. I don’t think daddy ever had a fresh cooked dinner, ‘cept on Easter and Christmas.
Sometimes it seemed there was nowhere to go but down– but I got a bus ticket and my diploma, and I’m sure not lookin’ back.
(97 words)
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Where you do not reveal much of the character’s emotions, the image for this story fills in a lot about the hard life of growing up on the edge of poverty. I may have supplied my own emotional content, because I could personally relate to this story. I didn’t have it hard as a kid, but I sure couldn’t wait to get away from home once I had my diploma. You evoked emotion without writing it. I appreciate what you did there. – Mike
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Thanks Mike. I wanted to leave out the emotional side of this story, as I think we all have our reasons for leaving… or not. But I wanted to tell it plain and simple, like the narrator. Thanks for the feedback, Mike. I always appreciate your view point!
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This is my neighborhood. I found all the interpretations interesting and this is one of my favorites!
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Thanks so much La La! I’m happy to see you in my comments and doubly honored that my story resonated with you. Thanks for sharing your feedback; it much appreciated.
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I really like the voice in your story Dawn, and the idea of Daddy never having a fresh cooked dinner. It adds great authenticity
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Thanks so much Siobhan. The photo is so evocative… this girl just spoke to me. Thanks for the kind feedback.
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Great story! She finally got outta that town! 🙂
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Yes she did! Sometimes, that’s all you can do.
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Excellently conveys that feeling of a hard life and the determination and courage that comes from it in just a few words. That was not my experience, but almost makes me feel like I know it.
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Thanks so much Perry. We are each forged by the place we come from, the people around us… it makes for a lot of unique stories. 😉
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Loved it.
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Thanks so much Rogershipp, and thanks so much for visiting Tales From the Motherland. Your time is much appreciated.
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i couldn’t help but pull for her. well done.
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We all pull for the underdog, I think. I’m glad my story brought that out in you, Plaridel. Thanks so much for reading my story, and sharing your thoughts.
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You have gotten so good at saying so much with so little!
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Thanks so much, Heidi. I really appreciate that!
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This sounds like some of the kids I grew up with and the way people there have of talking–dropping the “g”. The only difference is, many didn’t leave home. Akron, Ohio, had jobs available at the time. Many boys, who didn’t go to college, did go to work in the rubber factories. I went to work not far from home as a teacher. My dad always loved his job on the fire department, but his brother didn’t like working in the rubber shop. Well done as always. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I think there are so many stories out there, and often different stories from the same place! Thanks for your comment, Suzanne; it’s much appreciated.
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I really liked the voice in this, emotionless, defiant, but best of all determined. Well done Dawn.
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Thanks Sandra; that was my goal. My husband said that it lacks emotion, but I wanted her to be straightforward, and resolute… I appreciate your feedback; thanks!
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I loved the way you didn’t write about emotions, just let the reader feel their own, fab 🙂
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Thanks Helen. I hope it hit a mark… I wonder if I left out too much?
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Great interpretation of the prompt. It showed the determination of getting out of a difficult situation with a greater goal in mind. Powerful reveal of a struggling life. 😎Love it !!!
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Thanks so much Isadora. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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I love the voice in this.
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Thanks Dawn; I appreciate that. I have wondered if it is too flat? I had a goal, but wonder if the lack of emotion misses the point.
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I don’t think it lacks emotion and with less than 100 words to work with…you are on point; as you usually are.
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That means a lot; thanks Dawn.
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I have to echo others here and say that I really love the narrator’s voice in your story. I get the impression of a very strong-minded and determined young woman, and the accent is well shown simply through the dropped letters. Very well done. 🙂
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Thanks milliethom! I appreciate that. It’s hard sometimes to know if folks are being polite, or if what you wrote lands the way you intended. Thank you for the feedback. 🙂
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Leavin’ This House Full of Hard | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks for sharing this piece; it’s much appreciated!
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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The voice in this is matter-of-fact while being quite upbeat. Well done. Nowhere to go but up for this gal.
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Thanks Alicia… I saw her as resolute and simple, from a hard life. Glad some of that came across! I appreciate the feedback.
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Matter of fact and to the point. What you leave out here says as much as what’s included. I think that’s true of any art form. There’s enough room to breathe, for the reader (or viewer) to fill in their own stories. For my part, I feel the love in this family…
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Thanks Cathy! THAT is what I was working toward… I’m glad you saw it. 😀 So often, when we write in all of the emotion, the reader is trapped in it– there is no room for interpretation or thought. I probably could have included a bit more emotional content, but I had a specific voice in my head. (She said to the therapist 😉 )
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You say a lot in a few words, Dawn, and paint such a vivid picture with the little details. Lovely job. Happy Easter~
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Thanks so much David. I’m glad the story worked for you. We had our Passover Seder tonight… but I’ll be wishing happy Easter to y’all tomorrow! May it be a good one. 🙂
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Dawn, This is an amazing story! You are so descriptive with your words and you do it well! Nan 🙂
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Thank you so much, Nan. Your lovely words always make me smile and are much appreciated.
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Dear Dawn,
I’m with Sandra. I love the voice in this. Full of determination. I think there’s plenty of emotion, you just have to read between the lines.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well then, I’m glad I have such kind, patient readers. 😉 Your feedback is always appreciated, Rochelle. Shalom!
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You did a great job, painting a full sketch of their background in a few words.
I’d have gone with something about the door being on the second floor. Yours is much better.
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I’m not sure there’s “better” with FF, dear Guapo. I’m always amazed at all the different stories that come from one photo each week. Did you write one this week? I think I missed it!
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Dear Dawn,
Perfect title and fantastic story. Dialog and regional accent was spot on and the feel was graphic and gritty. I felt joy at the last when your protagonist escaped. Very well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Mahalo Doug! That really means a lot to me. I felt this girl’s voice jump out at me, when I saw this photo… I’m happy that others heard it in my writing. 🙂 Have a wonderful week!
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This could be clipped right out of the pages of early 20th century life. Long hard days in the factories and everybody looking for a way up and out for their children. Well written, Dawn.
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Thanks so much Russell; I really appreciate that feedback. In some places, I don’t think much is changed!
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I love wondering where you’re going to take the prompts. You never fail to to draw me in. Nice work.
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Thanks Audra. I never know where they’ll take me either… 😉
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Great use of the prompt. The sad situation of the family is heartbreaking, but I’m glad he escaped.
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I think so many people feel this way, whatever their circumstances… the grass is always greener. But yes, it’s nice to see this young girl leave and hopefully figure some things out.
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I like the way this fits together, the way you develop the theme. Well done.
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Thanks so much Mick. I appreciate you making the time to read and comment.
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Real story there. So many can understand because it happened to them.
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So true, Susan. I think that most of us want to leave home… even if it was good. That’s what kids are meant to do! 😉 Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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