You go to the supermarket, to pick up a few things for dinner. You’re just passing the Gala apples and headed toward the brussel sprouts–– because you’re an adult, and you’ve learned to like them–– and there she is, your ex. You were close friends for ages, you thought you’d be close forever, but the friendship is dead and so is she. You may or may not know why things fell apart, but you no longer speak; emails/calls/ even hand-written cards, go unanswered. It feels like a death, and you’ve spent lots of time coming to terms with the loss. You’ve grieved the death of your friend and the friendship you shared. Yet there she is, walking right toward you, preoccupied with carrots. What do you do?
Admittedly, in my case, I have no idea what happened. I have kernels– bits and pieces of things that caused mutual pain, but nothing that ads up to the end of a friendship, that I thought would last into old age. My friend made me laugh; she understood my deepest insecurities and struggles; she was there through thick and thin… until, she wasn’t. I’ve reached out every way I can think of. I’ve dug deep for whatever role I played to cause such a breach, but I can’t think of anything that would lead to a permanent severance of our relationship.
It’s been a while now. Our whole family felt the hole where she had been, and I have licked my wounds and grieved long enough. As with any death, the end of a friendship demands that you grieve and move on. Moving on does not mean that you let go, but that you don’t stay stuck in missing someone, and wishing things were different. Reality bites sometimes. However, unlike a real death, the end of a friendship may mean that the two of you will still run into each other; you may still have to interact.
It happened in the produce department. There she was, and there I was, holding brussel sprouts. She hadn’t seen me yet, and for the briefest moment I froze, unsure of what to do. For years, I knew that she would look up and a huge smile would brighten her face; we’d hug (we always hugged: coming, going, just because) and launch into whatever was going on. We might end up having dinner together, at their house or ours. Even if I were in a hurry, it would never have occurred to me to hide, or avoid her. Before.
However, as I saw her checking her phone, glancing at the carrots, I did just that–– I hid. I ducked behind a display, like a common thief, and looked for an exit. I watched her. She still looks great in anything; her smile as she glances as a text or something, is still brilliant. But that smile isn’t for me anymore, and just as quickly as I feel it’s warmth, I feel the sting of loss again. Through the bread and over to the next aisle I dash, hoping that if she noticed, she only wondered if it was me, but didn’t see me for the coward I now am. I’ve seen a ghost, and I’m rattled.
What is the protocol? How do we move forward when someone we loved but have lost is still around? I’ve seen these things turn ugly; I’m sure I’ve even been involved in ugly. It’s hard to get to this stage in life and not have people come in and out of your life, and not all of those transitions are smooth or pain-free. These days, I focus on figuring out my role in a situation, and looking at ways I can change if I need to. I try to make amends, but that only works if both parties want to heal or move on smoothly.
©thelizzies.blogspot.com
At lunch recently, another friend said to me: “You may never know what happened,” and even after all this time, and her words hit me like a brick. She had lost a very close friend, many years ago, and had the benefit of having had that friend spell it out for her in a letter. My friend explained that while it was a real blessing to know what had happened, it hadn’t changed the grief she felt. “She wasn’t there anymore, and no explanation could make that better. It just gave me something so that I wasn’t guessing. I was always grateful to her for that.”
I don’t have the explanation, and admittedly I was chicken when I saw this lost friend just a few feet away. No doubt, a year ago it would have been so much harder, but it still made my insides twist. I still miss her. I had to resist replaying all of the possible reasons why we’re no longer friends round and round in my head again. Instead, I bought some Cheez Its. I snuck around each corner and hoped she wouldn’t be there. I snuck around a few corners and hoped to get another look. I thought about abandoning my cart and just leaving, but then I’d get home to “what’s for dinner,” and I’d cry. I’d reconfirm for my husband and the three twenty-something males living in my home, that I’m a mid-life hot mess, and we’d have nothing to eat our feelings away with.
I think I did the best thing possible at this stage: I finished my shopping. I took deep breaths and bought what I needed. I talked myself off the ledge and reminded myself that I’ve grieved this loss. There’s no expiration on grief, so setbacks will happen, and seeing the person you’ve laid to rest, in person, under any number of situations, is just challenging. I’m not a hot mess. I’m a reasonable woman who’s lost someone I loved. I’m moving on, but I stumbled for a moment. Maybe some day I’ll see her in the store, or on the street, and I’ll smile. Maybe we’ll remember that we meant a lot to each other for a long time, and we’ll say hi. Or, maybe we’ll just avoid each other forever. There’s no good answer for how to grieve and move on, whether it be a friend, an ex-lover, or a family member who you no longer get along with. Shit happens. Life marches on. These things are clichés for a reason. After she was gone, I went back and got brussel sprouts; I went home, and I made dinner.
What would you have done? Have you lost a good friend? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
* * *
Help Me Reach My Goals! KAPOW! The Tales From the Motherland Facebook page recently hit the 2015 goal of 800 likes (which I set after hitting the 700 mark)! I’m going big for the next year and aiming for 1,000!! Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, no spam. ©2015 Please note, that all content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit; plagiarism sucks!
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
I had two best friends since elementary school. I went away the summer of my junior year and when I started my senior year in high school they did not talk to me, look at me, accept my frantic letters, listen to my pleas for understanding. To this day I don’t know what happened. I used to be really mad at them, but have realized that I am imperfect. Thanks for sharing your experience. Sarah Foster
LikeLike
Strange, Sarah, I had a very similar thing happen in high school. Years later, one of my friends told me she had “NO idea why she’d done it.” It was such a painful time, and no idea. That said, we’ve moved on and are still friends, all these years later. I’m afraid that’s not likely with my friend in the store. Sometimes you really do have to move on… I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts! Thanks.
LikeLike
Reading this, I realized I’ve never lost a friend this way– and since I’ve been married (34 years), I don’t really have tons of “girlfriends.” But I’ve lost a friend, who really died, and I miss her. I think I may have said hello.
LikeLike
I realize that a real death is very different, Lisa and hope I don’t offend with the reference… that said, I wish I could have said hi, but it’s really hard under the circumstances. It’s great that you would have, but then it might feel differently if you had in fact lost friend like this? May you never find out. xox
LikeLike
I’ve never experienced this, but I imagine it would be a difficult and awkward situation. As always, through your wonderful writing, you convey the emotions such an encounter would trigger
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Carrie. I hope you never experience it first hand, but I appreciate you sharing my story. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hear you and am right with you. I have lost a few friends over the years, one in particular that pains me to this day. And like you, I have no idea of what caused her to completely disconnect from me. I knew we had grown apart, but I was shocked when she refused to return my phone calls. Finally, for my own peace of mind, I sent her a letter. In it I conveyed that I would not bother her again, that I get she wants nothing to do with me, although I was clueless as to why. I apologized for anything I had done (without knowing what) to cause her pain or upset and I thanked for the years of friendship that we had had, explaining that I had found them meaningful. Over the years since then I have wanted to reach out and share things when they have come up that I knew she would have liked our had a opinion on, but I have started true to my promise to her not to reach out. Luckily those moments are fewer and fewer as the years have gone on, but it was/is heartbreaking.
LikeLike
Heidi, thanks so much for sharing your own story. It is indeed a very painful thing, and I appreciate you sharing your own vulnerability. I’m sorry you went through this.
LikeLike
PS: luckily for me, she and I live in different cities!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: What To Do When You See Your Dead Friend In The Produce Department | ugiridharaprasad
Thank you for sharing my work; it is always appreciated.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
LikeLike
i need closure too, Dawn and I would have hid in the Cheese It aisle as well. It’s like a scab you just can’t stop picking at…
LikeLike
Closure is something I really struggle with. If I KNOW what is happening, I may flounder a bit, but I don’t drown. The lack of closure has been really hard… Cheez Its was the only thing to do. 🙂
LikeLike
I like to think I’d have confidently said hello….I’m sure I’d have done exactly what you did 😉
LikeLike
I’d like to be more confident too, Annie. I hope I can be in the future.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Losing someone we love hurts any way we slice and dice it. Thanks for spelling it out. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
That, is indeed the truth. Thanks Brenda!
LikeLike
I have had that experience. A friend who was really close, listed as emergency contact on many school forms, etc. In and out of each other’s homes. She could call me at work and say she was in my kitchen and where was the sugar. Five or more years ago, she told me she wanted to have a birthday dinner for me. Then nothing more. Then, on my birthday, she dropped by with a card and said she couldn’t stay because she had some friends coming over. Soooo weird. And then, nothing more. I did see her in the store, we locked eyes, she smiled. I said hi. How’s the fam? Fine. Good. Bye. Funny thing is, her kids are still in touch with me and if in town, we’ll meet up and have a drink. I really don’t even care anymore. Figure is was something she was going through. Not me.
LikeLike
That is a hard situation, and very similar to mine, Heidi. I am fairly sure this is something my friend has been going through as well, but after spending so many years supporting each other, it has been very painful to have the end of our friendship be her solution. I’m happy you were able to move on; I hope I’ll (fully) do the same.
LikeLike
I am going through that right now, for the last yr. The UNKNOWING is what drives me crazy. States she cant talk to me. (for 10 months now) and always the same response when I reach out to her. Stated out with me suggesting lets go do this or that, always her response was she was to busy or her back hurt. She never shows the hurt i do in her words when she “might” respond to my texts or fb messages, its just she is busy. I put my heart out to her. Recently tho, a good friend I was talking to about this said, WHY do you ALWAYS think its YOU? (as in me) Good question, just always thing that is why someone wont talk to me, because I did something to hurt them?
As far as your grocery store situation, I probably would have done the same thing only because of the fear of rejection.
LikeLike
Cheryl, thanks so much for stopping by Tales From the Motherland, and for sharing your own story. I’m sorry you’re going through something similar; it’s very difficult! I hope you’re able to find some resolution or peace around this. I agree the “unknowing” is the worst. Hang in there! I appreciate you sharing.
LikeLike
I recently lost a friend who happened to also be my massage therapist. I gently confronted her about her desire to continue massage therapy and wondered why she had been canceling or moving so many of my appointments around. Her last text to me said that our client/therapist relationship had not been what she had wanted it to be for awhile and it was time to part ways. She refused an explanation. She refused to work it out. It left me feeling as though we were never truly friends in the first place and I was mostly just a paycheck for her. I chose to grieve her moving on for a few days and then decided that, I cannot force people to stay in my life. Besides, I wouldn’t want someone in my life, who did not want to be there. I did the only thing I could…I wished her well, I wished her enough and I said my goodbye.
LikeLike
Sounds like you did what you needed to do, to move on. I’m sorry you went through such a hurtful situation, and appreciate you taking the time to share your experience. Thank you, thoughtfulstroll!
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing yours! It makes me feel less alone in loosing a friend in such an abrupt way. Oh, and I wanted to tell you, I have no idea what I will do if I ever see her in a public space. I suppose what I do, will depend on what she does when she sees me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wishing you well with that. Moving forward is hard sometimes, but generally the best approach.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so sorry you had this experience, Dawn. This total rejection behavior sounds like Middle School to me (which is thankfully the last time I had this happen.) Ugh. What grown-up behaves like this, no matter the circumstances? You earned those Cheez-it’s. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I find that it’s not that unusual, Jen, though I agree with your point. I think adult women can be some of the cruelest and least mindful people around. I include myself in that statement, as I’m sure I’ve hurt someone. I try to be direct and honest, but we all carry battle scars, and I’m sure there is another story here… thanks for your feedback. It always makes me smile to see your red dress. xox
LikeLike
Oh, man. I am always ducking and dodging people I used to be tight with. I find myself hiding in the bread aisle more often than not. I’ve always just chalked it up to living in the same town for 30+ years and going through normal life changes: divorce, custody battles, job changes, etc. Recently though, I’ve decided to face my fears head on and talk to those I might normally have ducked. Turns out that these things are usually more benign than I imagine. Go figure.
I enjoyed this post. Keep writing, my friend. You are a force to be reckoned with (or a force with which to be reckoned!)
xo
P
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your supportive words, Pam. I appreciate you sharing your own experiences… I’m working on this, but it’s definitely daunting sometimes. I don’t feel like much of a force, but thanks for the vote of confidence. 🙂 xo
LikeLike
We moved several times, so I don’t bump into former family, friends, fellows I dated, etc. except those I’ve kept in contact with. I just figure maybe something happened in their life that I know nothing about. I’ve never been one to beg or go out of my way if someone cuts me off. I just let go. If I’d stopped seeing someone, like a former boyfirend, they either knew why before it was over or I explained if they wanted an explanation. I’m so sorry you were deeply hurt and didn’t know why. I hope you heal completely. — Suzanne
LikeLike
Sounds like you know just what to do, Suzanne. Thanks for sharing your experiences and your warm wishes.
LikeLike
I have been the friend that cuts off contact with no explanation. I’m sure my situation is completely different, but I thought I’d share my story, from the other side of this equation. Especially for the person who said, “What grown-up behaves like this, no matter the circumstances?”
I had a best friend – we’d been best friends for several years. Then I began dating my then-boyfriend, and the three of us all became good friends. We dated for a year and a half before he dumped me, and it was a cliche earth-shattering world-ending heartbreak (for me). Until I realized how abusive he had been during the entirely of our relationship. It took about two months of overwhelming heartbreak before I realized how abusive he had been, and started to deal with a whole different type of world-ending pain. During those two months post-breakup, my friend became very close with him. They weren’t dating, but she was putting a lot more effort into her relationship with him, than her relationship with me. This could have been for a lot of reasons – I was (admittedly) no fun to be around, maybe she’d been into him before, they had a lot of similar interests…but for me, when I realized how abusive he had been, I couldn’t tell her because I was terrified she wouldn’t believe me, because of how close they had become. And so, I stopped answering her texts, her phone calls. The last time we spoke was when we ran into each other, one October, a few months after I’d stopped answering her texts. She said hi, as if everything was normal, and I was polite but pretty much ran away. She never tried to contact me again. Looking back, I have to admit that I made an assumption about how she would react, and she might have actually been 100% supportive of me – I’ll never know. But in that moment, I felt like I couldn’t risk a negative reaction from her, and so I pulled away hard. I couldn’t explain why, without taking that risk. I needed to only be spending time with people who could help me through that pain, and having a best friend I was too scared to talk about it with? Extremely painful on its own.
This month, 4 years after we last spoke, I wrote her a letter explaining all of this. I haven’t sent it yet – I dont know if she would want to read it. Maybe its better left alone. In the letter, I apologize for the assumption I made of her, but I do not apologize for my actions. It was the only way I could think of to handle the situation, at the time. It’s hard because I dont think either of us did anything wrong, and yet both were left with this big painful and confusing hole where our best friend used to be.
LikeLike
Shannon, welcome to Tales From the Motherland. I appreciate you taking the time to read my piece and share your own experience. It sounds like you really went through a lot with your friend, as well as your ex. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, but hope you are in a better place now and feel like you’ve moved on. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
Ugh, this sucks. I’ve been there. It depends on how I’m feeling at the time of the unplanned meeting, and whether or not I have an opportunity to hide. I’ve hid before, but I can think of a time where I did go up and say hi. And there was one time where I was soaking wet from the rain, felt/looked like crap, and was walking through a tunnel with nowhere to run. (All three examples were with different people)
LikeLike
Sounds like I’m in good company with the hide option! 😉 Thanks for sharing M; it really does help to know that others get it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read this first thing when I woke up on my phone and it took me about 2 hours to find you when I checked on my tablet because you were no longer in my reader. Well a search finally got me to your facebook and here I am. Your post moved me and brought me back to a few years ago, questioning if I could have done something different but no, I probably just never realized we were done years before it imploded because there was never any open fight or confrontation. Friends for 45 years and poof! I received an email saying she needed a break, blamed me for our friendship breaking down and then I knew it had been over decades ago. I just hung on to what we had as kids, teenagers. So I let go with love. A year later I got a phone call and she acted like nothing had ever happened but I still had too many wounds to heal and was polite, pretended like nothing ever happened because that was what our adult friendship had turned into …pretenses. I am far from perfect, I know that. If I saw her in a supermarket, I would probably not hide but not run up to her either. I grew up, finally. We all do the best we can in life. Friends are a part of our story and I still treasure memories and look forward to many more with a world of possibilities.
LikeLike
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Oliana, it inspires me that maybe things will get better with more time. I think friends play such an important part in our lives. When things go south, it’s really hard to just let that go. I appreciate your feedback and time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dawn, I understand why you reacted to seeing an old friend the way you did. There was a time when I would have done the same thing – avoid making contact and move out of sight. I don’t think like that anymore. I am more philosophical now, thinking simply that life sometimes adds, and sometimes it subtracts.
Personally, I would not have changed my trajectory through the store. Nor would I have made an effort to make contact. If contact were made, I would smile graciously the way one might greet a stranger who smiles and says hello, and then continued on – no second thoughts. No looking back. If a friend were to quit on me for no apparent reason, I would feel that I owed them nothing.
I decided some time ago that I would not grant others the power to affect me if they occupied no special status in my life, a result of my natural tendency to be overly-trusting. Maybe that is part of the reason I have far fewer friends these days. I used to think having a lot of friends was important. Now I am content to have one or two. Maybe three. – Mike
LikeLike
It’s funny, Mike; a friend and I had lunch today and were saying how we find letting people go, who do not share meaningful, mutually uplifting roles in our lives, so much more realistic now than we ever would years ago. It isn’t easy, but it doesn’t seem unfathomable as it once did. Thanks, as always, for sharing your wise and thoughtful advise. xox
LikeLike
I have had that experience ,Thanks for spelling it out.
LikeLike
Thank you for stopping by Tales From the Motherland. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I’m sorry you’ve been through the same thing; it’s not fun, but thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
I feel your pain. Sad to say, but I’ve been on both sides of this. It always seems to boil down to communication – or more often a lack of communication.
I don’t usually run into ex-friends. But I am sure that my lack of communication skills would have me hiding, too. I did run into my ex’s current wife and thankfully she didn’t see me. I hid quite successfully in the baby food aisle. Not so lucky with my ex, though – waiting in the same line for a prescription. Small talk was a huge effort, but I was curious. As expected, he never once asked about our son. It was all about him. Blechh. If I could, I think I’d re-divorce him.
I am glad to have re-connected with 3 former ex-friends, much to my surprise. Glad I waited, and grateful that they were open to re-connecting. One of them had disappeared very suddenly in the early eighties and recently tracked me down to apologize. Shocked the hell out of me.
It seems like people clam up and remove themselves when the going gets tough, even if it has nothing to do with the other person. I know I’ve done it. I go through those blue times when I feel that I have nothing to offer. I don’t want to drag anyone down, so I do the turtle. I am sure that I owe many apologies and explanations, but… I’ve got a lot to learn still.
I hope that you and your ex-friend somehow, some way, re-connect; whether to resume some aspect of friendship or just to give it a little closure. Not knowing is so painful, just as you’ve written. And brussel sprouts are indeed an adult choice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Valery, thank you for your wonderful response. I think you need to start your own blog; you’d be a beacon of positive! I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts; you’re the best! xox
LikeLike
Thank you for posting this. I’m glad it’s not just me.
I’ve had this happen twice and it was heartbreaking both times. The first time it was someone who was both a mentor and a good friend after I’d relocated across country all alone. We hung out on weekends, spent holidays together and had enjoyed spa weekends. We had worked together until a department reorganization changed our positions. Then our paths crossed but we no longer worked directly together. One day at work when I asked her for some advice, she blew up at me and accused me of playing games. I had no idea what she was talking about and told her as much but she refused to elaborate. After that I was persona non grata. Invitations were declined with a curt no and no explanation. Required work interactions involved only as much conversation as needed, not a syllable more. Eventually, she “retired” but there were rumors that she’d been forced out of the company; I never knew why, exactly. A couple years later, a mutual acquaintance told me she’d said that I betrayed her but wouldn’t elaborate as to how. I can only assume she felt I played some role in her ouster from the company but I was so far removed from having that kind of influence it’s laughable.
The second instance was even more depressing. She had been my best friend for over 30 years. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and godmother to her daughter. When I first moved away from our hometown, our bond stayed strong. We spoke and visited each other regularly, even through the hectic years when she was working full time and raising two toddlers. Gradually, I could feel her pulling away and I reached out to her about it, not wanting the friendship to fade away. She said she was busy with the kids and didn’t have the time to communicate, even though she was at this point a stay-at-home mom and had her days free while her kids were in school. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and decreased my communications to only three or four times per year and more often than not, those went unacknowledged. At the same time, I could see on Facebook that she was enjoying girls’ nights out and scrap booking weekends with other friends while my phone calls and emails went unanswered. The final straw for me was a trip overseas for a really significant personal event that she knew about but never asked me about. Further, she never even ackowledged the Christmas gifts I bought for her family during the trip. Not even a texted “thx.” Seven months passed with crickets between us. Finally, I sent her a letter acknowledging that I knew the family kept her busy but explaining how her refusal to respond to my phone calls or emails hurt my feelings. She didn’t respond but objected when I unfriended her on FB in response. I again explained my feelings and asked her if we could work together to find times when we could chat and connect. She again blamed the kids saying they always interrupted her when she was on the phone. Mind you, by this time both were teenagers, so I had a hard time believing that she couldn’t break away for an hour a couple times a year to touch base. When I pointed out that I had never insisted on phone calls and that I was confused why she couldn’t even respond to a Facebook PM when I could see her hanging out with and reaching out to other friends, she stopped responding and we haven’t spoken since. It was a gradual death – kind of like the bad marriage you don’t have the guts to leave – but no less painful than a sudden one. I don’t really know what I did or what was going on in her life that caused her to pull away; I doubt I ever will.
I’ve had sort-of encounters with both women since our splits. The first, since we work in the same field, I occasionally encounter at professional events. I avoid her if I can and when I can’t, I say a quick but polite hello and move on as quickly as possible. Oddly, she told our mutual acquaintance that I wasn’t open to a reconciliation after we ran into each other at a party and she said hello to me and complimented my hair then walked away and didn’t say another word to me the entire evening. Similarly, two years after our split, my old childhood friend sent me a Christmas card (the family photo kind) but with no message or signature or anything, just a blank card. I suppose these two awkward events were possibly attempts at reconciliation (though I can’t really be sure), but quite honestly, I’m not open to rekindling the relationships. I tried to work it out with both women at the time but they’d have none of it. The grieving afterward was long and the pain too intense. I’ve finally made an admittedly uneasy peace with these splits; I won’t open myself to that heartbreak again even though I would love to know what the triggers were for their occurrence. Maybe that makes me petty, but I’ve made peace with that, too.
LikeLike
Anne,
welcome to Tales From the Motherland! Thanks for reading my work.
I’m sorry that you’ve been through this twice; it’s painful enough once! I do think that it’s hard to get through life unscarred. There are a lot of ways to hurt and get hurt. I keep looking at my part in things and work on that… it’s really all we can do. I’m glad you’ve found some peace, and appreciate your sharing your thoughts on this piece.
LikeLike
This was a really interesting post, Dawn. After reading, I sat for a long time and went through the memories of my life. I could not find a time when anyone ever did this to me, BUT, I don’t think no one has ever cut me off, just not a close friend, like the one you described. I am one of those people who you either love or hate when you first meet me. If someone can get through the first ten minutes in my presence, and if we develop something deeper over time, it tends to be with people who are not easily offended, who value what my particular personality brings to the table, and who will not abandon me (I tend to attract very loyal close friends); AND, it is very rare for me to let anyone close to me who I sense would ever do something like that; AND, I have so many more amazing friends, that if it did happen, I would say, “boy, they have a real problem” and walk away unfazed. Again, my particular weirdness.
I have had a different experience with rejection, however. Years ago, about half of a church body mistreated us, fired my husband, and then spent 2 years gossiping about me. The funny thing was that I was clueless as to the gossip. We came back to the church after a time, not knowing how much we were hated. Every Sunday morning, I went to the people who had mistreated us and hugged them. I could tell they were mortified. It was my little version of revenge and it felt damn great. I can still see one of the guys’ faces trying to find a place to hide when he saw me walk in the building. HA!
I would have walked right up to your friend, smiled and said, “Hey, girlfriend, how you been?” And I would have enjoyed watching her squirm. Because at the end of the day, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG and should not be the one shamed into hiding in the aisles!
You are loved, Dawn (especially here on WP) and have nothing to fear. Be grateful for what you and your friend shared, dump ANYONE who would do such a despicable, hurtful thing to you with no explanation, and move on.
((((Dawn))))
Peace,
– C
P.S. Can you tell that lady makes me mad? I want to come shopping with you next time and kick her ass. 😉
LikeLike
C, thanks so much for your incredibly kind words and for sharing your own detailed stories. I can’t say that I did nothing wrong. I may not know what my ex-friend feels and what hurt her, but I do know that she was always kind and caring, and there must be something. Sometimes we hurt others without knowing… in my case, I may not know, but I believe she must have her reasons. So, while I love your reassuring support, and the love, there’s no need to be mad at her… my guess is that she has an entirely other side to this. There is always another side, right? Again, thanks for all the love. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dawn, the thing is, if she really loved and cared for you, she would at least tell you. That alone makes me think she’s an overly sensitive type who just needs to grow up – you obviously did not hurt her on purpose or maliciously. By the way, your post inspired me to write something of my own on the subject which will go live on Saturday morning and will link to this post. Hope that’s ok with you. 🙂 Have an over-the-top GREAT Thanksgiving, ok?!! Peace, C
LikeLike
Thanks for your supportive words. Of course you can link to this… I’ll be traveling on Saturday, but I’ll check it out when I get there and have some time. 🙂 Thanks C! Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Of Friends and Asses | Judah First