We’re back from vacation, and sadly, my dear computer, was indeed dead. Fried logic board was the COD. Thanks for all the good advice and help last week! I’m still figuring out my new Mac, but glad to be plugged in again. Friday Fictioneers is a weekly Flash Fiction challenge, orchestrated by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week’s photo prompt comes from Luther Siler. If you’d like to join Friday Fictioneers, or would like to check out the many other wonderful stories, please stop by Rochelle’s blog Addicted To Purple, for more details. As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback. I try to do the same.
© Luther Siler
The darkness was something they were used to, but the strange smell made Jeb’s skin crawl.
“Somethin’ aint right here.” He nudged his buddy Clem. “We need to wire headquarters.”
The other men stopped working and listened. Jeb had been working the mine longer than any of them; his instincts were solid.
Jeb held his light aloft, made his way back to the tunnel intersection, and reached for the small cage. The light illuminated two delicate yellow bodies.
“Men, there aint no time to waste; the birds are dead!”
As they ran for the exits, a loud explosion shook them.
(word count: 100)
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
My parents were both from northeastern Pa so I’ve always heard those mines were scary. This really presents a concrete picture of how dangerous things are down there. I’ve always thought the canaries were real though
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Larry, welcome to Tales From the Motherland! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated. The canaries were real, and when I saw this strange photo, that’s the first thing I thought of.
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The picture made me laugh. I was further entertained by your title and where you went with the story. And best of all, you chose the perfect name for your main character. Who else but Jeb could save the miners!
I love your story, even if it were meant to be more dramatic than humorous. After all, a coal mine disaster is not that funny. I guess what allowed me to chuckle a bit was me perceiving the tone of a graphic novel. I am sorry if I missed your intent. (Maybe I watch too much television.) – Mike
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I love that FF lets each writer and each reader, see what they want… in both the photo and the stories. Thanks Mike; your feedback is always great to get!
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Oo, I like your take on the photo prompt! Although for being such an experienced miner, Jeb dropped the ball by not watching those birds more carefully. I hope they all got out okay! (Yes, I worry about fictional characters in flash fiction stories…)
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Welcome to Tales From the Motherland, Joy and thanks for your feedback; it’s much appreciated! I thought about that detail, but wasn’t sure how to rectify it. Nice catch! Thanks for taking the time to read and share your thoughts.
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Great, suspenseful take! I like where you took this one. Your beginning set it up really well.
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Thanks Amy. The photo was so… different, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Then the canary in a coal mine came to me, and the story just needed typing. 😉
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I was going to write about when I wore one of these costumes. I settled on something else entirely. Maybe I should have written the other one. You never know. It’s nice when a idea just needs to typed and completed!
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And now…I’m singing that Police song! Haha
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I almost added it to the post!
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If you did, I would have clicked to listen. 🙂
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Canary In A Coal Mine | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks for sharing my work; it’s always appreciated.
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This was very intense, poor little birds. We use and abuse everything and I know that many times it saves our lives, but it istill a hard pill to swallow.
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It is indeed, Loré. I had a friend in college, whose parents raised canaries. They are such delicate, sweet birds. Their songs are magical! As always, your feedback is appreciated.
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contact me via email: bjdqlandau@comcast.net, I want to share something with you. 🙂
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A miner’s life is hard and dangerous. I’d heard of birds being used to detect gas in a mine. This was a realistic and well-written story, Dawn. — Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne. Yes, canaries were used for many years. They were able to sense gas before miners, allowing the men to get out in time.
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Yes, I hope the story has a happy ending! It’s interesting to see each of us interpret the photo prompt. I’m always intrigued by the comments also.
Lily
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I love that aspect of FF! You never know what you’re going to read!
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Run!!!
I like how nothing more needed to be said than, “The birds are dead.” Probably the worst four words a miner can hear. Kudos.
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Thanks Alicia. I can’t imagine being stuck down under the ground like that, let alone finding the birds dead! I appreciate your feedback.
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oh my, hopefully, they were able to get out on time.
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Hopefully! Thanks Plaridel.
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Tells an interesting tale about a world I know little about besides the song “Canary in a Coal Mine.” There’s a tense foreboding feeling throughout.
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Thanks Perry, that’s what I was going for. Glad it came across.
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Dear Dawn,
Brilliant use of the story. You took a nice broad step out of the box and landed on your feet. Great set up and explosive ending.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Such a kind and supportive comment; I really appreciate it! Shalom.
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Excellent writing, Dawn. I could just see the fear in their blackened faces upon finding the dead birds. Hope they made it out alive.
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I hope they did, too Russell. Not sure where this story would go next, but the photo got me this far.
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I really like where you took the prompt.. I expected it already from the title, the dead canary is something that have given me nightmares in the past… I could probably never be a miner.
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I don’t think I could be a miner either, Björn; just the idea of being so far under the surface scares me! As always, your feedback is much appreciated.
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Clean, tight writing. Good job! (You missed a period after “here” in the second paragraph). 😉
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Thanks for the feedback and I really appreciate you catching that! I’ll go add it. 🙂
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I was just reading a book that talked about this very thing. We complain about bureaucracy but the little man has a lot to be thankful for from it.
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I think many of us don’t get a lot of things, because we are fortunate to not have to deal with such things. Thanks for your feedback, Dawn.
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I wonder how many lives those birds actually saved? Great take on the prompt.
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Thanks so much Subroto; I appreciate your feedback.
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That was a dramatic and vividly narrated tale! Great story!
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Thanks so much; I really appreciate your feedback.
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You’re most welcome!
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