This is what comes from staying up too late: you get your story in early! Woot, woot! Icing on that cake: I got to meet fellow Fictioneer, Erin Leary today! After months of trying to connect, we finally sat down for drinks and writing chit chat, today in Seattle… Double cream icing: John Cena was at the next table! Must be my lucky day, all around!
Hats off to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, who manages to keep the Friday Fictioneers going, week after week and this week contributed the photo prompt as well! If you would like to join us, learn more, or add your story, please check out her blog Addicted to Purple. As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback.
© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Love Don’t Pay The Mortgage
Alice stared out the window. The fields sat empty: no corn, no soy and no wheat. The early mist seemed to accentuate the emptiness and she walked away from the sink, and wiped her eyes.
Next year we’ll double our crops and pay off this miserable year, sweetie; I promise.
Bobby had always come through on his promises. He’d promised her the moon, and they’d built a home and a wonderful life on these 200 acres.
When she’d found him slumped over in the tack room, she’d realized that some promises can’t be kept. His heart attacked, hers broken.
(word count: 99)
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
So…heartbreaking. I feel what she feels.
Well done. You actually have me in a small bit of tears right now.
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Miles, welcome to Tales From the Motherland. I appreciate you taking the time to read my piece and share your thoughts. I’m sorry you are feeling this way, but I do understand it myself. Thanks for your feedback.
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So beautifully written, Dawn. And such a wonderful, tragic last line.
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Thanks so much Claire… coming from one of my favorite authors, I’m extra honored.
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Love Don’t Pay The Mortgage | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks for sharing my writing; it is always appreciated.
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There are so many ways to break promises and this is one that certainly leave you empty afterwards. I could feel her energy draining.
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Thanks Björn. We both seem to be on a “sad trip” writing wise, recently… but it’s heart felt. Thanks for you feedback.
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Fantastic last line, Dawn. Very well done, early bird. Or late bird…
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Thanks Sandra; I’m paying for it today! I was going to bed… TOO late, when I inadvertently saw Rochelle’s email. I was hooked instantly; I’m that predictable. I appreciate your feedback, thanks!
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Dear Dawn,
So much story in a few words. Heart wrenching last line. Your story goes very well with my photo. Now get some sleep. (I’m later this morning after a night of insomnia).
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I saw your email, by accident, and was hooked! Thanks for the prompt, Rochelle, and the very kind words; both are much appreciated. 🙂 Shalom.
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Desperately sad tale, Dawn, superbly constructed and beautifully written.
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Thanks so much CE, I really appreciate your very kind words!
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At least it wasn’t suicide. You’d be surprised how common it is here in farm country. Nicely done.
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Welcome to Tales From the Motherland, J Hardy; I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I know suicide is prevalent in so many places, but farming is a hard life for sure! Your feedback means a lot; thank you.
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So heart wrenching — the emptiness in the fields echoing the emptiness in her heart, very touching. You really capture that feeling of loss, not just of her husband but of their dream together. Well done!
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Thanks so much Joy. I saw this photo and the story was there in minutes. Great prompts make all the difference! I appreciate your kind feedback; thank you!
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I love the last line powerful.
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Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback.
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Desperately sad – with no resolution in sight.
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Life is that way sometimes. Thanks for your feedback, Patrick; it’s much appreciated.
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I can see why you chose the direction you took for this one, Dawn. The light in this photograph feels sad and empty. Well done!
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That’s exactly what hit me, Cathy. I had the story in minutes. Lucky timing! Thanks for your feedback.
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Aww so touching Dawn.
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Thanks so much Louise.
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Louise, email me; I have a bloggy idea: tftmotherland@gmail.com
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Have done 🙂
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Like a condensed O. Henry short story, you took me quickly into a rich setting with meaningful characters. Then, just like that, you managed the unexpected twist at the end. By now, after becoming familiar with your writing, I should not be caught unexpected, but that is the gift of your talent as a writer. Well done, Dawn. – Mike
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Aww, Mike… you are SO kind, and I so appreciate it! Thanks, for always helping me feel good about my writing, when always tend to throw myself under the nearest bus. It is much appreciated!
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The ending is very different to what I had expected. Very touching and a strong last line.
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Thanks so much; I’m touched that you enjoyed it and appreciate your feedback.
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You are so talented! Wow, that last line just capped it! Others above have said it better than I can.
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Thanks so much Heidi; your feedback always touches me. xo
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Powerful. And too true for some of us.
DJ
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Thanks so much DJ; I’m sorry you’ve experienced something like this, but yes… there are a lot of us.
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You captured her heart ache very well.
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Thanks so much, Tracey. I appreciate your feedback.
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Good story, Dawn. How heartbreaking. This is a reality that happens sometimes. We can’t really plan ahead as we don’t know what will happen. Well written as always. — Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne; life is indeed an unexpected ride! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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Oh that was so sad. I didn’t expect him to have dies.
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Liz; it’s much appreciated.
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Now my heart is breaking, too. Very effective writing, Dawn.
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Thanks Jan! Always love getting feedback from you. 🙂
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Beautifully written and filled with emotion. One of your very best.
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Thanks so much Russell; that means a lot!
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sad story, but well told. i feel alice’s loss.
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Thanks for the feedback, Plaridel. I hope you feel the loss fictionally, but I’m glad you connected with my writing.
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The last line says it so simply, but yet so powerful. I imagine all the stress didn’t help any and lead to the heart attack. Nice fluid piece.
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Thanks so much Amy. Life is hard; there are a lot of broken hearts out there, and a lot of them attacked. xo
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I’m certain there are many women living this story. Art imitating life…nice one.
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Thanks Hugmama! I’ve missed you; thanks for stopping by! (( hug ))
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Great story : “His heart attacked, hers broken.” is lovely and poignant too.
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Thanks so much Graham. I appreciate you stopping by Tales From the Motherland. Your feedback is so lovely.
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Lovely story, with much heartache, all in 99 words. Great to meet you at last!! Thanks for making the long drive. I hope we can do it again!!
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Thanks so much for your feedback Erin. The feeling is entirely mutual! xo
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Seems she had so much to be grateful for until then. And that’s the way life goes. Disturbing and effective.
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Thanks Perry. So often, we don’t really appreciate what we have, until we lose it. A cliché, but true. Thanks for taking the time.
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Loved the title!
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Thanks Dawn!
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Difficult times on the land – it’s a harsh life, not for the weak at heart.
Nice work.
KT
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Thanks so much, KT; I’m glad you enjoyed it, and appreciate your feedback.
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Nice scene. The conflict leads to a larger story. Nice job.
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Thanks os much, Joseph. I really appreciate your feedback.
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Such a powerful last line – the wording’s great. A sad story, beautifully told.
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Thanks so much Margaret. It’s such an evocative photo; it really inspired me. Thanks for your comment.
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