Hoping to finally get back to some writing, and Friday Fictioneers is always the best place to start! If you would like to learn more, or join this eclectic group of writers, from around the globe, check out Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog, Addicted to Purple. Rochelle manages to herd this wild and wooly group and keep her own blog going too! This week’s photo prompt is by J Hardy Carroll. As always I welcome honest, constructive feedback; please leave a comment.
© J. Hardy Carroll
Ain’t Nothin Easy In This World
These floors ain’t nothin’ but work and time. I been cleaning ‘em now for goin’ on forty years, and they ‘aint never stayed clean. Don’t hardly matter to no one else that I been on my knees scrubbin’ while people doin’ their business. Important things be happenin here, and that only be a lot of dirt for me to clean. My kids aren’t wearin’ nuthin fancy, but they be gettin’ a better future than I ever had, because they gettin’ college educated. These floors may never look shiny or new again, but they done made all the difference.
(Word count: 99)
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
What are you doing here at this time of the day (or night) Dawn??? 🙂 Lovely to see you so early and with a great story. I like the voice in this – words like ‘phlegmatic’ and ‘stoic’ spring to mind. And in its own way, contented. Well done, loved it.
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I can now go to bed content; your positive feedback always makes me smile. And yes, it’s way too late, but I was restless and in came Rochelle’s notification. I saw the photo and the story was down in a few minutes. I think I could have spent more time letting it simmer, but I have had a hard time putting words on page lately, and I figured I should strike while the mood hit me. 😉 Thanks again for your lovely feedback… now, to bed. Hope your day is productive!
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Ain’t Nothin’ Easy In This World | ugiridharaprasad
I love the mentality you created here. I’m always fascinated by the way people see the world through the lens of what they do, and you rendered that perfectly – other people’s business is just her (his?) dirt
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Thanks Neil for your thoughtful feedback, and for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; it’s much appreciated. While I envision the narrator as a mother, I purposely left those details out. I wanted this to be a stream of consciousness… it came to me, the instant I saw that floor.
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I love this.
Drew me in straight away.
Reminded me of my own mother, and many others where I come from.
Very creative, Dawn.
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Thanks CE; your feedback always makes my day.
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Missed you!!! Seeing your photo in the InLinkz put the smile on my face. Loved the voice of your MC, there is something strong and resilient shining through.
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I’ve missed writing, Loré, but burning the candle at both ends has left me short on words… perfect for flash fiction! 😉 I’m glad you enjoyed it, and as always, I appreciate your feedback.
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Dear Dawn,
I agree with the others. The voice makes this piece. Just from this snippet I feel that I know this woman and her family. (I suppose it could be a man as well.) Well written which is nothing less than I expect.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much, Rochelle. I wanted her words to paint a life, and I’m happy that you and others read that. Thanks for your kind words. Shalom!
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When I looked at the photo I first saw empty benches. Then you floored me with your story. Your perspective always fascinates me. And the dialect brought to mind several people here in The South that I have encountered. – Mike
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Thanks Mike; you are always so encouraging! I suppose I too saw the benches, and the lighting. I thought it might be a church at first. But the floor jumped out at me… I too had the South in mind, but I think it represents for any hard working person, who has felt unseen as they toil.
(*Did you intend the floor pun? Made me smile)
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Writing in a voice like this can be so difficult to pull off. You nailed it!
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Thank you so much Thom; I really appreciate that wonderful compliment. Thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; I hope you’ll be back.
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Slice of life! Authentic!
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Thanks so much!
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Awesome reflection for us all to be mindful of.
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Thanks! I think there are a lot of people who we don’t notice, or see, day in and day out.
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Impressive write, and full of wisdom. How much change those jobs can do. Yes, education makes it all possible.
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Thanks so much Björn; I wasn’t feeling particularly wise, but I love the compliment! 😉
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I love where these photos take you, Dawn. Perfect story for the shot! And beautifully written – I love the voice.
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Thanks so much Cathy! I have been a poor blogging buddy of late (a poor writer, as well); I appreciate you sticking it out!
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I really like where you took this. As someone who always tries to take a different stance, this story is the perfect illustration of the interesting places you can go to, given a good prompt. Bravo!
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Thanks Graham. I like to find a less obvious prompt in each photo; it’s great when it works. I appreciate your lovely feedback.
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Nice voice.
DJ
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Thanks so much.
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That is strength and contentment talking.
Being realistic.
Great story.
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Thanks; that’s what I felt I was chanelling. I’m glad that’s what came through!
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The voice perfectly matched the photo. I can see the person speaking, on their hands and knees, scrubbing away, while everyone goes about their business. Well done.
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Thanks Susan. It’s always a fun thing when others see the vision you try to create, in writing. 🙂
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A really authentic sounding voice, Dawn. And in such a short piece you’ve got in character, history, family and aspirations. Nicely done.
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Thanks so much Claire; that is especially encouraging, coming from you! xox
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Wonderful voice, and a good philosophy in there too. Top marks!
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Thanks Jennifer; I really appreciate that!
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That dialogue was so so good 🙂
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Thanks Helen!
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Definitely a character voice and a mother who sacrifices for the kids. Outstandingly great!
Five out of five squeegees. 😉
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I do love squeegees! Thanks Kent. Someone else suggested it’s a dad… I believe it could be either; there are a lot of hard working parents out there! 😉
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Yes, very much ado. I laughed out loud at your love for squeegees. For some strange reason that tickled the heck out of me! 😀
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Wow. I loved the voice in this. I was totally drawn into the inner monologue. 😄
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Thanks so much; I appreciate your kind feedback. 🙂
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As everyone said, such a great voice. And such an uplifting story, where hard and honest work gives you pride, dignitiy, and a better life for your children.
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Thanks Gah. I think there’s something very simple in all of that… it’s overlooked sometimes.
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Love this. I read it as a man who was scrubbing BTW, and I’m with Mike Lince. I saw benches, but you saw the floor. Which is so perfect for the flash fiction. Mostly we see the benches and the windows, but there’s always a floor to be scrubbed and someone who scrubs it who we maybe don’t see.
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I love how each of us takes something personal from the image, and then creates a very personal story. It’s my favorite thing about FF, each week. You should join us, Jen; I think you’d be wonderful at it, and it’s been an incredible lesson in editing for me. Thanks for your feedback, xox
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Great story, Dawn. Filled with resilience and pride in what might seem a lowly job. The voice you’ve used is great – honest and raw. And through a life of hard work comes hope for the future. Great. Love how we all come at this from different angles too. Super story
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Thanks so much Lynn, and welcome to Tales From the Motherland; I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. The diversity of perspective and story telling, each week, is my favorite thing about FF!
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My pleasure – a great read. And yes, it’s lovely how our minds spin off in different directions. Adds to the fun 🙂
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Very strong voice that carries this story and its message perfectly. So many owe so much to people like your main character.
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Thanks Siobhan; your feedback always means a lot to me. I really appreciate you stopping by.
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Great voice and great concept of how something mundane and everyday to the rest of us makes all the difference to someone
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Thanks for your thoughtful feedback; I appreciate it. Thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; hope you’ll be back. 🙂
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Adding to the positive feedback on your writing Dawn.
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Thanks Jacob; I appreciate that!
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You really got into the mind of this woman and I could feel her pride.
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Good, honest work pays off. LIke allllll the others, I loved the voice and story you created, Dawn.
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Thanks so much Dale. This character felt real to me…
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Great story, Dawn. Sometimes we forget to be thankful for our work, no matter how menial, and what it provides for our family. As a Southerner, I thought you nailed the voice. Outstanding piece.
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Thanks so much Russell and I’m relieved and honored that the voice worked for you. I worry, when I dapple in other accents/voices/styles, that I will offend or be off. Glad it worked for one of my favorite Southern gentlemen!
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Love it, Dawn. Great voice and I especially like the last line. I hope college will pay off for the kids. I like the sound of hope I hear in this.
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Thanks Amy! I appreciate your positive feedback. Just got back from 3 days off the grid. Your story wasn’t up, before I left, but looking forward to reading it now!
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the attitude of a winner. way to go.
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Thanks so much, Plaridel!
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She has every right to be proud. She’s earned it, literally.
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Yes, it’s a hard life that she/he has worked to move beyond. Thanks, Dawn!
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A really heartwarming story, this time, Dawn. I could see that woman on her knees scrubbing away. The floor in that station looks like it’s been washed a number of times. Glad to see you back. Well written as always. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks so much Suzanne! I appreciate your feedback.
I tried the first day, to leave a comment on your story, and I keep getting a message that says: “Sorry, this comment could not be posted.” I have tried logging in MULTIPLE times, and several more today!! Anyway, here is the comment I typed out, the first day you posted, and still can’t leave on your page: “Well done Suzanne! You had me the whole way through… the sense of dementia setting in (or established), and the clever surprise at the end. Nice job! I really enjoyed this story!!”
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