We all poop. We bleed when we’re cut.We laugh when it’s funny, and we cry when it hurts. But sometimes it feels like an uphill battle to be recognized as having feelings, by people who I think matter. I try really hard to be thoughtful. I don’t always hit the mark, but it’s rarely intentional. I’m careless sometimes, but then I generally realize it and feel terrible. I apologize; I try to make amends. I try again. In a year that has been especially focused in my personal life on moving on from things, letting relationships that don’t work go, owning my own needs and worth–– it’s been a strange realization that the world where I write, is often the place I feel the most unheard.
That is a hard thing to swallow, because writing is also where I feel the most me. It’s where I lay things raw and try to share without filters. I put myself out there, and I hang in the wind. For the most part, it fills me. And no doubt, writing is not for sissies. Maybe I’ve become one? But lately I have felt hurt by folks in my blogging community, in my writing community–– by people whose opinions matter to me. I’ve felt abandoned, and a couple of times, used. Yes, it’s irksome, the Daily prompt, but as I started to write this post, I realized it transcends even that. How to put it less whiny? I’m not sure I can, and still be honest.
I’ve said it before: I see my writing communities as sacred. If I “Follow” your blog, I read your posts. Ok, so you’re doing Nano Poblano–– blogging every day in November? I admit, I choose which ones to read, because I just can’t read most posts every day. But I look. I never hit delete, without looking first. I try to leave comments, not just Likes. I know what it feels like to write something and then feel like there are only crickets. If you are publishing something, I try to buy it, read it, and support it. Putting together an anthology? I donate, even if I’m not submitting work, because I think it’s important to those who are. I recommend folks for awards (real ones, like BlogHer Voices of the Year), and I vote when your books or pieces are nominated for things. And no, I’m not perfect; I miss the mark on some of these things. But I do my best, because I think writers should be supported, in any way I can. Each of us is putting ourselves out there, and that takes courage, faith, and chutzpah. It’s hard. If you mean something to me, I try to support your efforts.
My therapist (I’m on the lifer plan) has a saying that I hate: You are entitled to your labor, but not the fruits of your labor. He’s right; I know it. But lately I feel like people I have thought of as part of my tribe, my writing tribe, aren’t really there for me, and I can’t help it, that bothers me. I have struggled to write, and then when I do, folks aren’t there. I see them in other places; I know they’re still making rounds… just not round to me. Folks ask me favors: can I help hook them up at Huffington Post (Actually, no. HF chooses their writers and I have no real pull. None. Not because I don’t want to support you, but because I can’t). Can I help put a blog post out there? Can I give advice? But they aren’t reading my work, or helping support my efforts to keep on plugging. It’s hard enough to plug along, but that much harder when you feel alone.
Some of you are always there. You know who you are, and please know that you mean so much to me! My Friday Fictioneer buddies area wonderful about reading my 100-word ditties each time, and I do my best to read theirs. I’m a little put out when other bloggers only read those 100-word pieces, and don’t take the time for bigger posts, while I read and comment on theirs. In all likelihood, they won’t be reading this one either. The folks who are there over and over–– I know who you are, and I know you’ll be the ones to say: “don’t let it bother you; hold your head up; keep on plugging…” Thank you. Sincerely, thank you, you, you, you, you/Mike, you, you/Heidi, you, you/Redwoods, you, youMary Ellen, and you. I know how lucky I am to have your support. I know it, and I appreciate it. This rant purge effort to express myself, is not directed at any of you.
But I do let things get to me. I do question my worth and my ability to write. I question my writing worth, when folks I have respected and shared with, don’t take the time for me and my work. It’s not just tit for tat, it’s about supporting each other in efforts that are hard won and important. It’s about being real and following through. If you ask me to write a plug for your book/post/work, then honor that and send the love back. Don’t forget you asked, and then leave my plug swinging in the wind. Don’t ask for favors, when you aren’t taking the time to do me the favor of a read. Don’t say “let’s support each other,” and then disappear. It sucks. It makes me question these connections. It hurts. If you’re still reading, you may see why I’m still in therapy.
Blogging/writing is a very personal and special world. We all work hard to connect and build relationships. We rely on each other to build traffic and feel heard. Of course, we all have busy lives. We all have families, issues, losses and joys, that we’re grieving or celebrating. We miss a post here or there.Some bloggers are just so big that it’s hard to keep up (first world writing problems). I’m no different. I put myself out here and try hard to honor the fact that you do to. But when you drop off the radar completely, or never really show up, it’s more than irksome; it’s hard not take it a little personally. Sure, maybe I’ve been naive in some of my perceptions–– believing some relationships are “realer” than they are. Clearly I’ve read some signs the wrong way. I was never good at dating either. But now you know: I wear my heart on my sleeve; I take things (too) seriously; I’m not perfect, and I care. A few telling Tweets or missing Likes and I bleed. A few too many slights and I blow (in case you weren’t sure what this post is all about) and yeah… we all poop.
If you feel like I’ve been a hypocrite here, if you feel like I don’t hold up my end of our writing friendship, if you feel the same way or not, if you just have some thoughts about this, leave a comment. I appreciate hearing your feedback. And if you’d like to contribute to the daily prompt, check it out here.
Insert writer for rapper and enjoy this ditty! Really, play it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuJzSTNDUGI
* * *
Help Me Reach My Goals! KAPOW! I’m going big on Facebook, in 2016: I’d like to hit 1,200 Likes, and time is running out!! Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, as soon as they’re published, with no spam.
©2011-2016 All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Well you get attention with that headline… always there for you, cheering, even if I don’t read or comment on all posts. Thinking 2017 time for a new anthology as it’s been 5 years since TT!!!
LikeLike
See the post now, Lisa. I hit publish by accident, before I’d put in links. I feel you, and appreciate all of your support and kindness. No one gets it 100%, that’s why you’re “you.” xo
LikeLike
Somebody smart said that only fools are confident they know everything and only genuine artists/writers have doubts. I know where you stand.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ugh. I’m not sure I get that one… I could fall in either spot! Thanks for reading Eva; I appreciate it!
LikeLike
You know Dawn, in my own selfish way I’m sort of glad when I first began this post (and really didn’t have the slightest idea what it was about – I thought it was going to be a funny post about poop – I’m very shallow and easily pulled in by click bates haha ) but I’m glad to read along and felt that you became more human to me. I know your blogging and real life (from the little bits and pieces I’ve followed along with cause I’m not perfect at the least in keeping myself on the radar) has taken off and I was similarly excited and sort of sad that my little blogosphere I started when I was 16 and sort of left out in the open in the last year seemed gone – so even though it’s not the happiest emotion you’re expressing right now, it’s comfort in an ironic way that you feel the same fears. I guess what I’m trying to say is that thank you for being honest and hanging your heart on a string too – it makes it feel okay I do that often here (:
Plus that quote about labor, I could use that
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have always put your heart out there, Ducky. But with years come experiences… I think. 😉 Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, and for stopping by to see what this old mama has to offer. xox
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you know that I cheer for you through my apathy and my challenges. It may be too internal and not expressed enough. I so enjoy reading your words so keep them coming. There are others like me who get tangled up in their own skin I’ll bet. Love and poop.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know, dear friend. That’s why you’re “you.” It’s expressed. xox
LikeLiked by 1 person
First off, yes, I’m here! And I hope that just by writing this down it helps you feel better. (It usually does for me). “You are entitled to your labor, but not the fruits of your labor.” Interesting quote; new to me. You may not be ENTITLED to the fruits of your labor, but it’s quite reasonable to expect some sort of exchange for them, whether it’s money, a gift, or even someone’s genuine gratitude. All that said, I still marvel at your writing skill. It really shines in your Friday Fictioneer pieces; so many times I sit here and say, “Shit! I wish I could write like that.”
I don’t know about you, but the weather here lately is not helping my mood AT ALL. Too gray and wet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps I should have titled this: Rain, rain, bad moods, the election and poop? And yes, sometimes just venting, writing it down, helps… but then, when I make it public, I do sometimes wish I’d just sulked. 😉
As for the quote, it means: we are entitled to do all the favors, gestures, efforts we want, but we’re not entitled (ENTITLED) to a reward or payback. It’s so true, I think. But, I still hate it. Thanks for being “you,” Susan. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, i for one certainly appreciate you coming over to my place time and time again EVEN when you know there is a 99% chance you wont find the post still there
Good vent here and you deserve reciprocal sincerity.
I enjoy your writing and YOU.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks so much Audra. That means a lot! I will keep coming, even if for 1% success. It’s becoming a thing of mine to race your delete button! Know that the feelings are entirely mutual. xox
LikeLiked by 1 person
You just made me laugh out loud. ☺️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I, too, race to beat your delete button, Audra. Love you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hopefully Cathy, you noticed that I love “you” too, as #1 in that list. 😉 You are in good company! xo
LikeLike
Oh yes, I noticed. We’re number 1!, we’re number 1! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
xox
LikeLike
I love you guys. You really are the best.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m one of those who have had to back out of the blogging world other than pit stops here and there. But I always enjoy your words, whether here or on Twitter. Blogging is a reciprocal process, no doubt, and it can be disconcerting to frequently visit a blogger who doesn’t visit you back. But whenever that happened to me, I tried to remind myself that the blogger might have a lot going on and just doesn’t have the time to comment. That doesn’t mean they’re not reading the post. Maybe they just don’t have anything to add. I guess what I’m saying is, try not to take it personally. Your writing is honest and heartfelt and will always reach an audience. But I know that’s easier said than done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Carrie, I can’t tell you how much it means to me to find you here today. You are and have been one of the “yous” I mentioned, but since you’re taking a break, I didn’t give that link. You also have a much better ability to not let things get to you… you know I’m a bleeding heart! I find it particularly hurtful when I see some folks commenting and landing elsewhere, but not here… when I am in their yard, regularly. I do get that sometimes it’s not something to analyze or take personally, but sometimes… it is. Thanks for the words of support and kindness, I’ve missed you! (I guess we’ll always have Twitter! 😉 )
LikeLike
At least Twitter is quicker, and sometimes that’s what we need. But even there, I find I’m ‘liking’ some people’s tweets who never come like mine. But that’s okay. In fact, check out this interesting article I just read right after I read your post: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160921152243.htm#.WCDIctV0Fpc.twitter. Someone had tweeted it, and it’s so weird it coincided with what I just read on your blog. I’ll try to take the information in it to heart and just focus on my purpose instead. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow! Just read it, and interesting timing! Admittedly, it’s not such a big deal on FB and Twitter, for the most part, but my writing is so much more personal… and yeah, well, I could work on my self-esteem, for sure! Or, I could get it finally… I’m doing the work! :-p Thanks for sharing Carrie!
LikeLike
You’re right–our writing is more personal. Tough to put ourselves out there and hear silence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
First of all, I L.O.V.E. Flight of the Conchords. Second, your writing worth is not tied to your human worth, both of which I believe are off the charts! Third, I respectfully disagree with your therapist. You are entitled to the fruits of your labor. Your are also entitled to choose what you believe those fruits to be. The fruits of our labor can be the self-satisfaction of knowing we gave a task our best effort or forgiveness when we think we fall short. Fruits, when left unnoticed, rot on the vine, dammit, and let’s face it, sometimes others won’t notice our hard work to serve our families, communities, friends, jobs, and social, financial, & civil obligations. So, hell yes you are entitled to relish in small victory and great achievement alike. No one can tell you how you should feel. I can say that I hope you feel not so alone after this comment 😉.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose I should also write an entire post about those of you who make it amazingly clear that i’m not alone. That is why you’e “you,” Steph. Good points; I’ll give that to you, wise fellow writer and cyber friend (who I know I will sit with one day), but oh how I sometimes hurt for the slights. I DO get all of your points, and you and the folks who have lavished such lovely comments on me do make a deep imprint on my heart. Thanks for that… but some days, I do feel like my fruit is rotting. By the way, a dear friend used that analogy with me, very powerfully, a while back. You fruit ladies! 😉 Thanks for these rich words, on this rainy night. Hoping for a bright day tomorrow with the election, and then harnessing my new mojo, to get back to writing! xox
LikeLike
Dawn,
I’m so honored to be one of your yous! Thank you, dear heart! I love your writing in every way and sometimes delay my response, especially on busy work days, until I can give it my full attention. I also miss a few posts from time-to-time, but your perceptions, your wonderful way of expressing and your just damned excellent insights always touch my heart.
In my humble opinion, it’s perfectly okay to kvetch! I have to admit, I’m one of those people who has dumped friends over the years who have taken my love, affection, attention without ever returning anything. My feeling is that our world does contain those individuals who are “takers.” You’re definitely a giver and healthy givers also learn, over time, to be able to receive – as well as to recognize the takers who don’t give back – no matter what – and call them out. Your vent here is perfectly appropriate and healthy.
Please know that there will always be a dedicated and appreciative audience for your work (as well as friends who truly enjoy your company – I’m so grateful to be counted among your friends).
Mwaaaahhh!
Cathy
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also, been waiting to exhale for a long time. Let’s see our girl winning this thing tomorrow and leading us out of this morass!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of the best things I ever did in Denver, was meet up with you at the museum! Now, I try to find ways to detour through CO, my friend. Thanks for this… these diamond words, that set my heart aglow! Xox
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too! So glad we did that. And we have to figure out a time when you can come and stay a few days… And I can come visit you. We’ll make that happen.
Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
High on my list!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
LikeLike
Pingback: We All Poop | ugiridharaprasad
As always, thanks so much for sharing!
LikeLike
When I blog, I am not thinking… I am just pouring my heart and I don’t care what others will think about what I wrote. Of course it can be embarrassing when your colleagues fall upon what you wrote the other night, those embarrassing/ unspeakable things that you did, that should have never seen the light of the day. I just tell them.. not to read the article in my presence. So I go around pretending that no one knows
LikeLike
Prashant, welcome to Tales From the Motherland and thanks for sharing! I prefer to write without filters, and pretend that no one I know will see it! That said, I’ve also made it a goal to meet other bloggers… from that, has come bonds. It makes it harder, when I write, and people I know or think I know, see what I am feeling… sometimes, I really want to just close comments, so no one can talk me into or out of a thought/feeling… but then, I wouldn’t have met you. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time!
LikeLiked by 1 person
yeah,l not a big fan of closing comments. might as well keep a personal diary instead.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Clearly, I don’t do it either… but, again, sometimes…
LikeLiked by 1 person
These day it’s alot about me me me ME!!! As long as I get what I want, giving back ain’t important. What they forget is that people only give so much and if they never get anything in return they will stop giving…
So, maybe, you need to let go of some parts of that comunity and find new places to belong to. Life change and sometimes those around us take a diffrent road – or stand still.
Someone told me once that people come and go in our lives and that is just as i should be.
You’ll be fine, just stay true to your self and you’ll capture us readers ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for this kind and hear-felt comment, Laila; I really appreciate it. Working on the letting go part… it’s… I’m a work in progress! 😉
LikeLike
Aren’t we all?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel for you Dawn. Well – on a certain level.. I’m not asking for my husband to press the like button on my page. I’m not even asking him to read. I’m just asking him to NOT butcher my writing. If he has negative feedback, I better not hear it because it can be sharp as razor. The ones we care about and expect to give us a boost can really cut us deep. Perhaps all I’m saying here is… let’s just focus & celebrate on the relationships that continuously reinforce us and keep us rolling 🙂
LikeLike
Jen, I’m sorry that you face a razor, rather than a lift; it’s not how it should be. And you’re right, the focus is too often on the wrong things. I’m working on that! Welcome to Tales From the Motherland, and thanks for your time and feedback; it’s much appreciated. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: The Last Day… I Didn’t Know. | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND
Well, now I feel awkward just ‘like’ing and not commenting
LikeLike
Don’t feel awkward at all. I’m happy you stopped by TFTM, and appreciate your time; thanks! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person