Week five, and I’m feeling great about ending the writing drought. Thanks for all the support and wonderful feedback all y’all! This week’s photo prompt comes from Björn Rudberg, the weekly nudge from our dedicated leader, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. To join in the fun, check out her blog Addicted to Purple. As always, I appreciate honest, constructive feedback; please leave a comment.
© Björn Rudberg
Check Mate
Nina’s childhood was traumatic. Her mother’s death when she was nine, was followed a year later by her father leaving. She lived with her aunt and uncle until college, and then set her own course.
She learned from that childhood to be vigilant. “Life is like chess,” Nina told friends, “you have to be thinking two moves ahead.”
When driving, she calculated what each car would do, and looked three times before crossing; twice wasn’t enough.
I love you–– please say yes! She read the text, and smiled. Reaching for her phone, she never saw the flared lights of the oncoming truck.
(100 words)
*Please don’t engage in distracted driving! Put the phone away, out of sight. It only takes a moment’s distraction! It’s something most of us could work on.
* * *
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Is it better to have loved and lost than ….? Great story, Dawn
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Thanks Neil. I’m not sure about that… loss is loss is loss. Thanks so much for your feedback.
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Dear Dawn,
Unfortunately believable story. Tragic and beautifully written. Someone is burning the midnight oil. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Yes, not sleeping well… which makes it lucky for me, to see the prompt right away. 😉 I appreciate your kind feedback; thanks!
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PS) talk about the early bird, or burning in oil… err, burning oil! Old habits die hard?
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Oh no! Well crafted.
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Thanks so much, and thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland!
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Very believable – and sadly only too topical – I really like the tone that matches Nina’s reserved demeanor & control and how the text message offers a brief glint of relief,change, hope even but quickly snubbed out as she’s caught off-guard. I did wonder about the order of words in that last sentence would she reach for her phone before reading text? But that is a very minor nitpick!
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Thanks Poppy; I appreciate you taking the time to read, and share your feedback. Yes, I intended the order–– imagining her seeing the text pop up, and then reaching for her phone, to perhaps answer it, or read it again. I think that happens too often! Someone sets their phone down, driving–– intending to not use it, but then see a text flash on. If it pulls the reader out of the story, however, maybe it doesn’t work? I’ll give it some thought. Thanks for the suggestion! And welcome to TFTM!
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Well played. Tragically real.
So glad your writing drought is over!
xo
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Thanks so much Jen. We’ll see if it lasts, but working on edits with the novel… feels great! xo
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Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Check Mate | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks so much for sharing; it’s much appreciated!
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O what an end, you hit me where it hurt, great piece of writing. Mike
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Thanks Mike. The story came to me in an instant, and just needed typing… and word counting. 😉 Thanks for the feedback!
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Oh no! What a tragic ending, just as she found happiness at last. Great writing.
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Life is not fair… as they say. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Lain.
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Such a sad ending. But congratulations on being first past the post. Now get some sleep!
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Thanks Sandra! It works that I’m up (too) late, and the story came quickly. I felt a bit guilty, not using that beautiful bass, though. 😉
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So happy to see your stories! Such a tragic tale, sometimes too much is not enough. Nicely done.
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Thanks Loré! I think the story found me earlier in the day, and must have been waiting for a chance to come out and play. Tragic indeed, but life unfolds this way, every day.
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Never let down your guard to read or write a text! Well told lesson to be learned.
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I probably should have added the public service warning; perhaps I still will! Thanks Alicia.
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Whoa! I didn’t see that one coming either… Nicely done, Dawn.
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Thanks Cathy; I knew the outcome from the minute Nina walked in the room. 😉
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Wow so sad, it only take a single slip for a history to change. So real, and alas, so close to reality
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A common, and horribly sad reality. Sorry I didn’t use that gorgeous bass! The photo is so rich and beautiful, but it was the lights that jumped out at me. 😉 Thanks for your feedback, Björn.
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That was all too tragic and all too sudden. Hit me where it hurts. Well written.
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback; it’s much appreciated! And thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland. 🙂
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Can’t believe she spent so long being so cautious and it was love that caused her to be reckless in the end! It only takes a moment. Tragic tale but nicely told
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Thanks Lynn. Interesting… so often, love causes us to be giddy and reckless. But yes, it only takes a moment.
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Sad but very true and tragically it happens every day.
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Whoa! You just gave me the chill of all chills. Phenomenal twist ending that played on the being uber careful… and then not. Oh the irony.
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Sorry to hit you Susan! The story just came that way. 😉 Thanks for your feedback!
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I’m always amazed about how much you can do with 100 words! Every one of them counts. And, I want to know the rest of the story!
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Now I just have to get you writing these stories, Heidi! Something tells me that you have something to share too. 🙂 As always, thanks for your support and encouragement!
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Oh so tragic. To have lost life at the height of it!
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Oh this gave me shivers Dawn. So very well written and goes perfectly with the prompt.
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Wow, long time, no hear, Carol! So great to see you in my comments, and thanks for your positive words; it means a lot!
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Oh that sliced through the heart! So sad that love caused her to neglect her normal caution.
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Yes, distractions come in so many forms, from so many directions… we can’t lose sight of what’s important. Thanks for your feedback!
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Nooooooo! Ach! Well done. That killed me.
Your drought is definitely over.
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Actually, it killed Nina. 😉 Sorry… dark humor there. Thanks for the feedback, Dale!
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LOL!
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Hi Dawn,
This is my first contribution to Friday Fictioneers and yours is the second contribution I’ve read after Dale’s piece led me there. Your piece was well put together with that cautious vigilant personality totally abandoned due to love. So many people pay dearly for that split second lapse of thinking.
My piece is also about death, inspired by the story of Jacqueline Du Pre and her husband, except he had moved on before she died. He was living in Paris and she was in London.
I play the violin so all I saw in the photo was the cello. My cousin is a professional cellist as well.
xx Rowena
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Rowena, welcome to Tales From the Motherland; welcome to Friday Fictioneers (warning: it’s highly addictive!) and thanks so much for the feedback. I appreciate you taking the time, and look forward to reading yours. 🙂
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I can imagine it’s addictive. What’s amazing me is the vast difference between the contributions. I was so absorbed in my vision that all I saw was the cello. Understandable given that I play the violin but it’s fascinating seeing how others have seen the same photo.
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That is definitely one of THE best parts of this! So many different takes… I often look for something obscure in the photo… not always. It’s a fun challenge, to see what comes up.
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Very much so. I’ve been doing a flash fiction challenge over at Carrot Ranch for awhile which uses a word prompt. I’ve really been amazed at what’s come out. I think it’s producing some of my best writing.
Here’s a link: https://carrotranch.com/
xx Rowena
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Thanks Rowena; I’ll check it out.
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Well that was unexpected! I am a terrible chess player by the way.
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I have been known to say that, about driving… it’s like playing chess; you have to be watching 2-3 car (moves) ahead! “Drives” my kids nuts! 😉 Thanks for the feedback, Louise!
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Ouch! What a terrible fate for such a careful woman.
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Even the best of us loose track of what’s important; it only takes a second! Thanks Liz.
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And everything was going so well, then bam! Good lesson that even the cautious let their guard down.
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No one is immune; we all have to pay attention to what we are doing! Thanks for taking the time, LLoaDL; it’s much appreciated!
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Poor girl, one moment of letting her guard down
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Sometimes, it only takes one… thanks for the comment, Michael.
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Whoa! Talk about a turn …!
Five out of five text messages.
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Thanks Kent; I know it’s a bit morbid, but that’s how the story came to me… despite the pretty image! I appreciate you taking the time. 🙂
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i guess one couldn’t be too careful. accidents could happen anytime.
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Yes, they can! We must all be aware of what we are doing, when we drive. Thanks Plaridel.
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Ironic comes to mind with this story. Her very well-organized way of life
didn’t serve her well in the end. A thought provoking story for todays
tech world. I enjoyed this very much, Dawn.
Isadora 😎
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Thanks Isadora. I think her organized ways wasn’t really relevant to what happens, other than to show that we all make mistakes. Life isn’t fair that way, for sure, that moment’s distraction is all that counts, in that particular moment.
Thanks for your thoughts; I always enjoy connecting with you.
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I appreciate your showing me another angle to your story. I – a neat nick – was so focused on her having order that I missed the bigger picture. I love these prompts. They give us so much in simply 100 little words. Words are powerful. 😎
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Whoa! Talk about life changing (or life ending) moments. So very real.
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Thanks Russell; I appreciate your feedback.
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Oh yes – it can happen in an instant. Nicely told, but what a sad ending just when love’s about to bloom, and after all her vigilance.
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Great to see you here, Margaret, and all good points! Hard to say what takes each of us to the story that we find, but this one was bound to go this way. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated!
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Dawn–great story! The psychology made a lot of sense to me–the early tragedy making her almost excessively careful, and then her ironic, tragic death! Distracted driving is dangerous–you’re right.
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Thanks Emily; I appreciate the feedback!
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I like how you show how no one is immune from this deadly distraction.
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Thanks Dawn.
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A story that fits right in these days. There’s checking the phone when driving and crossing the street, both extremely dangerous. At other times it can just be annoying. Good writing. —- Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne; it really is something we all just lose track of! I appreciate your comment.
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Oh no! What a tragic time for her to let down her guard for a moment, after being so careful for so long. Did not see that coming.
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It’s so easy, to be distracted for just a few moments… always the wrong moments, when driving! Thanks for your comment, Joy; it’s much appreciated.
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Nicely written. What a tragic end after being so careful…
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Definitely a sad outcome! Thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; I appreciate your feedback.
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Sad but true. Such a shame.
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Thanks for the feedback; it’s much appreciated!
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