Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left

Posted on February 2, 2017 by Dawn Quyle Landau

(Aaaand, once again, I forgot to add my post to the link up!)

I missed a week, recovering from my trip to Israel and the March on Washington. Hard to wrap my brain around so many things right now…

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for rallying whatever, whatever the mood or weather! Find details on her blog and join us! Thanks to Roger Bultot for the wonderful inspiration.  As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback.

roger-bultot-flower

© Roger Bultot

 

What’s Left

Your footsteps echo on the empty street. Even as I hide behind the curtain, the smell of you lingers in this room. I cry out, a silent scream–– please don’t go. But you disappear around the corner and emptiness fills the space.

How did we drift so far, that I didn’t see your empty smiles and vacant eyes?

The cat rubs her back along my leg, and a guttural sob erupts from my constricted chest. Stop! Don’t touch me.

The cold coffee shakes in my cup, and I pour it into the orchid you once nurtured–– both of us abandoned.

(100 words)

*     *     *

GIPYKAPOW!  I didn’t meet the 2016 goal for Likes on the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page; missed it by 14! So this year, I’m not setting a goal. I’m grateful for each Like I get. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email,  no spam.

©2017  All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!

 

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
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53 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left

  1. mariner2mother says:
    February 2, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    Ooo. I love where you went with that. Caught me by surprise in the best way. So raw and honest.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  2. HonieBriggs says:
    February 2, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    It’s in the air, isn’t it? Sad juju all around this week. Except maybe Russell’s chicken runner. I like the way you completely lay out the emptiness.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  3. Photobooth Journal says:
    February 2, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    Very powerful, Dawn. The ‘don’t touch me’ screamed at the cat heightened the emotion a lot for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left | ugiridharaprasad

  6. Cathy Ulrich says:
    February 2, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    So many wonderful senses in this, Dawn. “Your footsteps echo, the smell of you lingers, emptiness fills the space.” This is a great piece. When I saw the title in my inbox, I thought your story might have something to do with politics? And maybe I’m just searching from my own pain, but this is a great piece about loss and evokes similar feelings to what many of us are feeling about our beloved country… Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Dawn Quyle Landau says:
      February 3, 2017 at 10:27 am

      Thanks so much Cathy. While this is fiction, it definitely comes from that darker place where many of us are living right now. I didn’t want to go political, but it definitely impacts all I do right now. Sigh. xo

      Like

      Reply
  7. Sandra says:
    February 3, 2017 at 1:14 am

    The prompt has certain brought out the melancholic in many of us this week, Dawn. Very nicely crafted tale of the breakdown of a relationship.

    Like

    Reply
  8. neilmacdon says:
    February 3, 2017 at 1:51 am

    Beautifully written and heart wrenching, Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. rochellewisoff says:
    February 3, 2017 at 3:53 am

    Dear Dawn,

    There’s something about the cat rubbing up against her leg in the midst of her despair that caused a catch in my throat. I felt this scene down to my toes. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Oristel Guenael says:
    February 3, 2017 at 3:57 am

    Amazing piece of art. I love the way you set up the scene. By the way, when I reached the last paragraph I was like, “Please no, don’t be the end, please!” and when I saw it was the end, “I want more, pleaseee” I wish you had written more! Great piece of art. Congrats. Keep on moving, never let any obstacles stop or slow you down. You are strong. Thank you very much for writing and for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. rgayer55 says:
    February 3, 2017 at 4:09 am

    I hope it wasn’t an unpleasant smell. After all, he did shower just before Thanksgiving, and it’ll soon be time for another one with Easter coming up. Maybe he just went out to get her some chocolates for Valentines Day.

    Like

    Reply
  12. Kecia Sparlin says:
    February 3, 2017 at 4:58 am

    I liked that you never gave away the gender of the narrator. The reader, man or woman, can identify with the pain. As others mentioned, the sensitivity to the cat’s touch nailed it. And cold coffee, what’s more depressing and forlorn than that? Great work.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Dawn Quyle Landau says:
      February 3, 2017 at 10:40 am

      Thanks so much Kecia! I appreciate the specific feedback; it helps me determine if I met my own writing goals. I intentionally left the narrator unclear… I think pain, and loss can be felt by anyone. While the cold coffee was deliberate, I would venture that most stay at home mothers know cold coffee as a norm. 😉 Thanks so much for stopping by Tales From the Motherland, and thanks for your wonderful feedback; it’s much appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  13. Dale says:
    February 3, 2017 at 5:49 am

    What a beautifully written piece, Dawn. You captured that whole scene to perfection!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. jellico84 says:
    February 3, 2017 at 5:55 am

    A well-written tale of woe. Good one! 🙂 ❤

    Like

    Reply
  15. writelindy says:
    February 3, 2017 at 6:53 am

    So sad. I could feel the desperation. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. liz young says:
    February 3, 2017 at 7:33 am

    Eveyone’s so sad this week! I wonder if coffee is good or bad for orchids?

    Like

    Reply
  17. Alicia Jamtaas says:
    February 3, 2017 at 9:45 am

    This is beautifully done. Like others, the cat did it for me. As a cat owner, I felt that the rub could either be welcome or annoying, depending on the woman’s mood.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:
    February 3, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    I felt her heartbreak and feeling of being abandoned. Like the others her screaming at the cat expressed her emotions beautifully.

    Like

    Reply
  19. wmqcolby says:
    February 4, 2017 at 6:44 am

    Wow! Lyrical and heartbreaking. And the coffee into the orchid? Perfect period to the end of the story.
    Wonderful, Dawn! Just great!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  20. plaridel says:
    February 4, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    adding the cat to the scene made it all the more relatable. well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  21. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) says:
    February 5, 2017 at 9:43 am

    I feel we saw the same sadness in the street and the flower… taking revenge on the orchid… (yes I can imagine you would do that)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  22. patriciaruthsusan says:
    February 7, 2017 at 2:58 am

    Powerful piece full of emotion, Dawn. I felt empathy for her sufferings. Such good writing. My daughter and her friends were in the Chicago March. It was second in size to the DC march. 🙂 — Suzanne

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    Reply
  23. Michael Wynn says:
    February 7, 2017 at 4:24 am

    You create a great feeling of sadness and regret

    Like

    Reply

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