I’ve been hibernating. Injured back, too much on my plate, heavy stuff and too much rain… feeling bad that I haven’t been able to keep up with reading other stories… take your pick; I had to take a break. But oh, those photo prompts tease me! They sit in my inbox, urging me to come back and play. This week, Dale Rogerson’s photo won out. And so, here is my tale for the week. As always I welcome honest, constructive feedback. Thanks Kate for reading an oldie and testing that theory!
If you’d like to give Friday Fictioneers a try, check out Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog Addicted to Purple. She keeps runs this show flawlessly!
© Dale Rogersons
The End of Diets
“Fuck’m ifee cantake a joke,” she slurred.
A chill hit her shoulders, and she sank deeper into the warmth. A half slice of pizza dangled beside her glass of wine. She pushed it back from the edge with one wet toe, as remnants of her favorite dinner grew cold.
She rubbed tears, which had begun again.
“Thre’s not nuf moisturizer to make me that youngandthin agin.” Her voice grew thicker as the room spun in and out of focus.
The phone rang–– him, calling with more lies. She slipped beneath the scarlet water as it all faded away.
(98 words)
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KAPOW! I didn’t meet the 2016 goal for Likes on the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page; missed it by 14! So this year, I’m not setting a goal. I’m grateful for each Like I get. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, no spam.
©2011-2017 All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
I think I am going to scream!!! I just wrote the most wonderful comment and the WordPress app ate it! Arrrgh!
I hope this one will send.
I loved the story and the post. I got a mention! How cool is that? The story seamlessly included so many details from the photo prompt. It was sad and funny, too. I love the detail of her toe pushing the pizza and the crack she makes about the moisturiser!
Happy Easter Dawn. 🐰🐣🐰
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Thanks Kate. You did indeed get a mention! I loved that you read that post and gave constructive feedback! I appreciate you reading each time, and sharing your thoughts. Happy Easter!
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Need to add that the bit I found funny was the crack about the moisturiser. Overall it is very melancholy.
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Thanks again Kate… hopefully the hint is clear.
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Yikes! Dawn! This is awful, but it’s awfully good
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I’d rather be awfully good than just awful; thanks Neil!
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Wow, great slurred dialogue. That’s hard to write well and you did a fantastic job. As for the story, talk about drowning your sorrows. He’s not worth it.
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No doubt, he isn’t worth it, Russell. Thanks for the slur feedback. Clearly a misuse of word count, but I tried playing with the words, and then typing them as I said them. Glad it came off well.Maybe not for the protagonist, but the reader is what matters to me! 😉
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Dear Dawn,
That’s one way to end a diet. Chilling and well written. Hope your back’s on the mend.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle, yes, not the greatest diet. Glad you enjoyed it. It’s been a trying 8 weeks! Eek, can’t believe it’s been that long… not a fun time!
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There’s a lot of emotion in this 98 words, Dawn. Hope your back is improving. I know of a good Rolfer, but she’s in Colorado. 😦
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A trip to CO is probably exactly what I need! Interestingly, I spent Passover with a wonderful local Rolfer, and he knows who you are! I was talking to him about Rolfing and laser, and then told him about you… he said “Oh Cathy, I’ve heard of her!” Wow, small, wonderful world. He’s an amazing person too. xo
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Oh Dawn, what a fabulous job you did with this one…
Though, frankly, there’s no man alive (or dead) worth losing her life over…
And I so hope your back is on the mend
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Thanks so much Dale. I completely agree, but also know that this story is, sadly, all too real for many. Thanks for the feedback!
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Yes. Way too many…
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BTW: that pizza looks awesome!! Much better than the matzo and harosets I just ate! 😉
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It was! Eaten in the dark in my AirBnB in Montepulciano…
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Monetpulciano–– Say no more!
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😍
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Sorry to hear about your back. Hope it heals soon. But I’m glad to see it hasn’t affected your ability to create great flash fiction. 🙂
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Thanks so much Carrie! Always great to see your gravatar; makes my day! Turns out it wasn’t my back, but an old and very poorly fused broken tailbone… big mess, but at least we’re on the right trail now. It’s been a rough ride… no pun intended. 😉
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Grim but realistic, well done, look after that back,
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Thanks Michael! Much appreciated.
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Ouch! That ending is . . . Perfectly sad.
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I’ll take perfect. 😉 Thanks Lish!
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Wow, I loved the dialogue and picture of heartbreak that you painted.
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Thanks so much Dog Lover; I appreciate that feedback. I wanted it to be realistic… but not to maudlin.
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Baptism in a bad way ….
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Indeed! Hadn’t thought of that.
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No man is worth that – tell her to wake up and breathe the freedom!
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Sometimes it’s so hard to see the “ligtht,” from inside the tunnel. Thanks Liz!
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I love the slurring dialogue and the “scarlet water” just all at once grabbed me. A very sad scene, effectively written. So glad you’re back! The rain has been crazy on the west coast, hasn’t it? We’ve had quite a bit too. Hope your back is feeling better.
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I think of you so often with the rain, Amy. I remember your post about the low water levels in CA… it stayed with me, and now when it rains out here, I think of you! 😉
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Dawn, no more low water levels now. It’s really something how things can change so drastically with a handful of storms…but there have been a lot!! It’s our snow pack too that’s way above normal. What a relief! Anyway, thanks for thinking of me. 🙂
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California really needed it! Us, not so much. 😉
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You did a great job here leading up to the awful image of the scarlet water. Well done
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Thanks Michael. I wanted it to be subtle, but not a “twist.” As always I appreciate your feedback, thank you!
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So well done. I didn’t see where this was going until the scarlet water, but on re-reading saw the where you’d inserted the clues – wet toe, sinking into warmth.
Hope she has the time to sober up and pull herself out.
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Thanks Sarah Ann. It’s meant to be a sad, but softer tale, not a twisty turny shocker. I’m glad it worked for you, and thanks for the feedback!
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I liked how the story unfolded and the use of ‘scarlet water’ as the description.
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Thanks so much, I’m glad that detail worked for so many! Welcome to Tales From the Motherland; I appreciate your stopping by and sharing your feedback.
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Great to see you creating again, Dawn. As always, you pack so much in these short pieces– dialogue and imagery. Scarlet water– loved that! Rest, relax and I do hope you will ease back into the writing more. Be well and take care of YOU.
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Thanks Audra. I’m definitely in a rut, with writing. Ironically, I write; I just don’t publish it! Rut.
Thanks for the kind words; the encouragement is much appreciated, always. xo
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sad. i sensed she committed suicide based on the water turning scarlet.
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You sensed right, Plaridel. A sad ending to troubled times.
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So sad…
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Tis indeed.
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The slurry words and the use of ‘scarlet water’ are brilliant!
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Thanks so much; clearly those two elements hit the mark with a lot of readers. I appreciate your feedback, and thanks for stopping by Tales From the Motherland; hope you’ll be back. 🙂
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Sure! Cheers!
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