Like riding a bike… I saw a picture and 15 minutes later, had a story typed out. Cutting down those words is always the hard part. I’m rusty. As always I’m grateful to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for sticking with this and paving a road for so many writers. I’ve missed my FF posse! Just started blogging again, and writing Heavy stuff. As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback. Please leave a comment. Waiting for 2nd grandson to be born (any day); I’ll do my best to reciprocate. If anyone would like to contribute a post to the 2018 Attitude of Gratitude, please visit this post and add your piece. There is never enough gratitude!
©TedStrutz
Infinity
Bobby groaned. “Come on baby, I love you.”
“Not until we’re married.”
He rolled his eyes.
“A piece of paper don’t change anything. Why we gotta’ wait?”
“I won’t be stuck here. Get a proper job, marry me, and we won’t have to do it in this old heap. “
“This here is one sweet ride, Sue.”
“This car is going nowhere; unless you get a job, neither are we.”
She straightened her sweater, smoothed her hair.
“Daddy will be staying up.”
Bobby turned the key and eased the Chevy down the rutted, dirt road. He was tired of waiting.
(100 words)
* * *
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©2011-2019 All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
A faultless rendition of an eager and not so eager adolescent, Dawn. Lovely to see you back, and thanks for the ping-back last week. Look forward to seeing you regularly on here, you’ve been missed
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Thanks Sandra; I always appreciate your feedback. And it’s good to be flashing again! I hope to keep it up; life gets in the way. 😉
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Nice to see you back Dawn, and a great couple of voices here.
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Thanks Iaian, good to be back! The original came in at 150, and oh that cutting! I felt the voices sounded a bit stilted here, but then I’m rusty. Thanks or the kind feedback.
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Dear Dawn,
I’m happy to see you back amongst the Hollywood Squares. I’d say Bobby should just keep on driving then. He’s not worthy of Sue. The dialogue is spot on. Well told.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Shalom Rochelle and toda ribah! I imagine Sue won’t hang around for long. And I’ll take Paul Lynde for the win! xo
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Expertly told.
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Thanks so much Violet; your kind words are much appreciated.
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Welcome back, Dawn. Sue’s reticence is justified
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Not sure they’ll last! Thanks Neil; great to be with my peeps again.
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Dawn: Have you entered Cascadia Weekly’s Fiction 101 comtest? Open until February 15 at fiction101@cascadiaweekly.com. Word limit 101 words, any topic or genre. It’s hard to write short! Marian
Sent from my iPhone
>
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Hmm, I hadn’t seen that. Thanks so much Marian; I’ll check it out!
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Nicely done! If he’s THAT tired of waiting (i.e. respecting her wishes), then perhaps she will do well to get tired of HIM … However, if ti is just teen angst against his wishful hormones, and he’d continue to respect her boundaries and wishes then … well … perhaps he’s a keeper worth waiting for. 🙂
Na’ama
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No doubt, Na’ama! This falls under the heading of #TimesUp… old theme, old values, but the photo took me there. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated!
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Old themes, perhaps, but for many cultures these are still the values… and for many girls it is still about choosing the time that works for them instead of feeling pressured to do more than they are comfortable with. So … yeah, it’s timely still … 🙂
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Good point! I appreciate the feedback. 🙂
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Also, sometimes I’m argumentative … 😉
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Then you’re in good company. 😉
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Ya think?! 😉
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No doubt.
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So very glad to have you back in the squares, Dawn. And kudos to Sue to not giving in… If he believes she’s worth it, he’ll wait and work 😉
By the way, tell your daughter to take Castor oil… It worked for me! Took it at 10:30 PM, had my son at 6:30 am… just sayin’… 😉 (I wanted to tell you on your “Heavy” post – which I now have to check to see if I did respond because now i’m not sure…
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Thanks, Dale! I wanted to join last week for your photo, but it didn’t spark a story and I was a chicken. 😉 I appreciate your feedback.
As for labor, I did the same thing with my 3rd child, who was 10 days late, in August, up hill, in the snow, with mosquitoes, and he weighed 9 lbs! BUT, she says it’s very unhealthy. And what do I know about having kids?
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Haha! No worries…
Right. Why take any suggestion from us “old” folk who know from nothing… I was induced for my first. No way in hell I wanted to be induced for the second, which was set up for March 31st. Instead, March 30th, I did the Castor Oil thing and he arrived on his own (besides, induction at what time? would I have had an April Fool’s baby? I couldn’t chance it! :D)
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That is one smart girl…you painted the picture with ease and it shines through.
Good to see you write again.
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Loré! Good to see you as well! Didn’t we both take a break? I still haven’t gone to my inbox, but that’s what I remember you saying. Thanks for the kind words, and yes, it’s good to be back. 🙂
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A good, fluently told slice of life. I think Sue has absolutely the right idea!
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Thanks Penny; I appreciate your feedback!
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I liked it! I thought it was cute and spot on! Made me think of the song “Keep your hands to yourself” 😉 Will be keeping positive thoughts for your daughter and grandson! Cheers! ❤
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Thanks so much Courtney. It was meant to be vintage and fun. Reminds me of “Happy Days.” We appreciate the positive thoughts!
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I love the conversational tale. Bobby shouldn’t be tired of waiting, instead, he should respect her wishes if he truly loves her. I agree with Sue’s stand on this.
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Thanks! I think we are all on the same page… and anyone who things Bobby entitled, well, move along. 😉
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Girl was a hard nut to crack. She was right, a paper changes a lot of things. May be Bobby was not good for her.
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I don’t think he is, Abhijit! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts; it’s much appreciated.
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so glad to see you again… your writing isn’t rusty at all.
I liked the story a lot, and there are too many miserable stories saying who is the wise one… but in the end there is a bigger story here, girls leaving for the city and education and boys being stranded in the countryside…
I hope Bobby will see what she means before it’s too late….
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Thanks Bjorn; it’s so great to see all my FF buddies again! I did a ping back to your web page on one of my recent blog posts, remembering our lovely lunch in Sweden. Such a nice day! Thanks for making time for my story; I’m glad to see your face.
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She knows what she wants and that’s a good message, timely too. And a welcome back from me, too. 🙂
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Gabriele, thanks so much! It’s nice to “see” all my flashy friends again. I appreciate your feedback. 🙂
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Ugh!! Well-written!
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Thanks!
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I like Sue. Not much for Bobby but I suppose I shouldn’t hold a grudge against a horny teenager.
You cut this well. It fits perfectly at the word limit.
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Thanks Dawn; I definitely had to work with word count… I’m out of practice! I appreciate the feedback.
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Looks like Sue is going have to fight her way out of this one.
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Time will tell. Thanks for taking the time, James; it’s much appreciated.
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Good stuff, nice to read your stuff. I think she did the right thing.
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Thanks for taking the time. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂
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Very skillful rendition of a movie scene we cant help but associate with such cars. Interesting to contemplate it through the lens of the “me too” movement.
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Yes indeed! I made response to another comment. The times they are a changin’ (finally!) and these scenes will seem more and more antiquated, I hope. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated!
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What an era you paint. Familiar to so many people, and to none. Can see this as a movie scene and am left wondering what happens next.
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I am hoping that the ending changes, from the old, stale story we all got used to. Lucky for me, I only had to find 100 words. 😉 Thanks for taking the time, Kelvin.
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Authentic voices . Good piece. One is left wondering whether there might be a crime scene to worry about as he is tired of waiting x
gramswisewords.blogspot.com
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I don’t see any crimes here, but maybe we can kill some clichés! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Marian; it’s much appreciated!
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I felt like I was in that car.
And I have been!
Very real, very well done
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Thanks so much CE. I always appreciate your feedback!
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Welcome back Dawn. Teenage dialogue captured expertly here and hints of a bigger back story that conveys a lot more. Very well done.
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Thanks so much Subroto, it’s good to be back and good to be finding some teen dialogue, that works for some of my favorite writer folk. Thanks for taking the time!
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Intriguing ending – leaves me wondering what’s on his mind now. Nothing good I’ll bet.
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Honestly, Margaret, my vision is generally far less sinister than some writers. I think Bobby is just a lazy, selfish guy. They’re a dime a dozen. 😉 Thanks for reading!
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I loved the delineation of the characters/ He’s impatient, out for a good time. And she’s amazing – strong, level headed, no cliched young girl eager to be swept away by a handsome face and honeyed words. Loved this interaction and though I’m guessing they’ll break up, I suspect it might be for the best – at least for Sue
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Thanks Lynn; you win the “got my intention” prize! I appreciate that you understand where I was going with this, and the time you took to get it.
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My pleasure. I’m sure my understanding was purely gained through your writing. A pleasure to read
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You and I wrote very similar stories this week–we even goth named our MC “Bobby.” Yours has a more positive ending than mine in terms of their relationship, but both girls said NO and meant it 🙂
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it looks amazing keep it up 🙂
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Thanks Louis, I appreciate your feedback.
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its ok keep it up its brilliant 🙂
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Well-crafted.
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Thanks so much; I appreciate the feedback!
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Nice story, real. I remember you Dawn. I haven’t been around much either lately.
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We’re practically neighbors to boot! Thanks for stopping by, Ted!
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Dawn, I feel like the worst friend ever. I guess I knew just enough to realize I didn’t really know anything at all about your true childhood. This piece is beautiful just like you. Life’s experiences make us who we are today.. and I wouldn’t want you any other way. Enjoy this chapter! ❤️
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Thanks so much Sharon! And you are certainly not the worst friend ever! (That’s someone else~ LOL!) You have been a friend for a long time, and I’m grateful for your steady support. I think these things really impacted who I was then, and why the merest hint of abandonment (so common in hs and in teens, right?) was so hard for me. It still is. I really grieve the end of relationships, even ones that are not healthy. Anyway, thanks for your love; it means a lot. xox
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Just a PS) I just noticed your responded on this story, and not the essay… I’m sure it will seem out of context for anyone reading about an old car! lol
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