Three steps forward, two back still equals forward! But still not writing as much as I’d like. Thanks for always showing up, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields! This week’s photo is provided by Ronda Del Boccio. Honest, constructive feedback is always welcome.
Caught In Your Web of Lies
Last night was amazing! You sure know how to make me feel special, babe. Your body’s so hot! Baby, I’ve been thinking about you all day––
Alice re-read the last two lines of the email and slammed the laptop shut. Her eyes burned with tears as she glanced at the photos along the mantel, then ran to the bathroom to vomit.
Two hours later she opened the computer again.
John, I’ve taken what I need from our bank account. Call your baby. I’m through.
Alice hit send, and left her home for good.
(Word count: 92)
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Decisive action, and probably what he deserves!
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Thanks Iain! Much appreciated. 🙂
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Dear Dawn,
I can’t help thinking of Waiting to Exhale where she burned his belongings in the driveway. Too good for the jerk. What an email to find. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I think I’d be the woman to burn it all. 😉 Thanks Rochelle!
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I didn’t get it on the first read, but the second was quite stunning. Imagine finding out in such a way. Difficult to get your head around. Well done, Dawn.
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Thanks Sandra. I appreciate the feedback. I’m wondering what was missing, that you didn’t get it? Do you have a suggestion for tightening it up? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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It was just that I read the opening email as being addressed to her. And he sounded so lascivious that I couldn’t blame her for being disappointed about his tone. My problem entirely.
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Not really… this is good feedback, as any reader might not get that they are dropping in on a scene. There are small tweaks that might improve that. I like to know what doesn’t work, to improve overall. Thanks Sandra!
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Did my comment disappear? I’ll pop back later to check.
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No
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Nope!
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Yegads!
Hubby is a bit of a numpty, and not in a nice way.
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Not at all. I love the word “numpty;” it’s a new one for me! 🙂 Thanks C.E.!
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What an idiot, he deserves what he gets. I wonder how long Baby will stick around when she finds out that all the money is gone (I hope).
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I think that once a cheater always a cheater, in most cases. Given that both he and baby are cheaters, I can’t imagine it lasting. Thanks for the feedback!
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Stupid man. His new “baby” needs to remember that he who cheats WITH you will cheat ON you.
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THAT’s right! BUT, I think that the woman who sleeps with a married man is just as much the cheater… so “baby” is bound to find herself in another tangled mess.
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Totally agree.
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Fist bump for Alice!
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Louise!! SO wonderful to see you here! I’ve missed you, but have so enjoyed your books and watching you shine! Thanks for the kind feedback; it’s always appreciated. xo
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❤️
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He and his baby deserve each other,
Kudos to the wife for not accepting it – nor giving him the opportunity to try to bullshit his way out of it!
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I imagine it’s MUCH harder in real life! Thanks Dale. 🙂
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He got what he deserves
Good on her
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Thanks so much; your feedback is much appreciated.
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You’re welcome
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He got what he deserved
Baby will soon realize i hope that if he cheats with you he will likely cheat on you
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Yes, totally agree!
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I kinda ended up sending two comments because i sent one and didn’t see it and ended up sending another one .
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No worries. It happens a lot! 😉
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Ouch — had that happen to me once. Hit home. Well done
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So sorry you went through that. I wish it was always fiction. Thanks for your kind feedback!
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Im glad he got his come-uppance. Not very tech savvy to leave such messages just lying around…
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Fools are always fools. Thanks for the feedback!
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What made Alice do what she did? Why did she leave John with his money?
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Sounds like my story missed the mark for you, Abhijit. It’s always helpful to know what didn’t work. Alice finds an email on her husband’s computer, and from the email she learns that he has cheated on her. She takes THEIR money from their banking account and leaves him. Thanks for taking the time to read and let me know what you thought.
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I am sorry I missed it. Totally my ignorance.
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NO worries. Not every story lands the same way for each reader. 🙂
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With no money left the baby won’t be staying for much longer. John is in for a dosage of karma. Nice one.
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Karma’s a bitch. 😉 Thanks Subroto.
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He’s blessed that’s all you did!
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Yes indeed! All ALICE did, thankfully, I’ve never been in this spot. I hope to never find out.
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Glad to hear it was pure fiction 🙂
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Yes indeed!
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My bet is, he used the exact same lines on her.. Nicely told!
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Once a cheat, always a cheat, I tend to believe. Thanks for reading, Violet.
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What a horrible way to find out but glad she took what she needed and simply left. I don’t think I would have been so gracious. Great write!
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I am very certain I would not be, but then none of us knows what we’d do, until we’re in someone’s shoes. Thanks for your thoughts Brenda!
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Poor Alice. I like how you told the story with the two emails interspersed with the narrative. A very dramatic story.
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Thanks Margaret. I think it caused some confusion for a few readers, but we make our writing decisions and the live with them. Glad you enjoyed it!
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Decision! Laptops certainly play a part in the drama of our lives.
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Oh the complex things they have wrought in the world… but I couldn’t live without mine!
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Phew…I know that feeling all too well! Good for her…thinking with her head instead of her heart.
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I feel so badly that you have been here, Dawn. But then, you’re that much stronger and smarter for having been. I know, sucks when it’s simplified; know that I don’t find it simple. Thanks for the feedback.
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Interesting short. Would like to see more of the story!
Keep writing my friend
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Thanks for your encouraging feedback; it’s much appreciated.
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