As always, a giant thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for her weekly dedication. This week’s photo prompt comes from Sandra Crook (we’ve missed you). As always I welcome honest, constructive feedback; please a comment and tell me what you think.
© Sandra Crook
Memories of June
Clang! The metal walker collided with the hall corner.
Jimmy, duck!
“Mr. Murray, you OK?”
A shudder ran down his bent spine, as he righted his footing.
That was close, Buddy! Nearly got us both. Eddie’s voice was tight.
“You’re doing fine; watch that post, dear.”
Incoming! Run!
“That’s a sharp hat you’re wearing again today. Where’d you get this pin?”
The smell of Eddie’s flesh and then silence, as the world erupted.
“Mr. Murray… the pin?”
“It was given to me for the seventieth memorial, at Omaha Beach.”
“Oh, nice. Now let’s get you to the dining room.”
(100 words)
* * *
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TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
And I bet the aides at his hospice or old folks home have no idea what stories are in his head…
This was a most touching piece, Dawn.
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I think that so many older folks are lost in memories, that others don’t understand. Thanks so much Dale; I really appreciate your kind feedback.
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I believe so. And others often don’t try to either.
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I had to read it again to get the nuances of voice and presence. That nurse, though helpful, was clueless.
Opinion? Loved it. My mind was on Galipoli and ANZAC day in Australia as my friend wrote about celebrating earlier in the week. So your writing just fit right into my thoughts.
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Ahh, thanks Lynda! I remember seeing the movie Galipoli years ago; just brilliant! I’m glad that you were able to get the nuance, I wondered if it would not work for readers.
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Love the structure of today and then.
Painful tale, sensitively told.
Feedback: Should ‘Eddie’s voice was tight.’ be in italics?
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Thanks C.E.; I appreciate your feedback. No, it shouldn’t, thanks for catching that! Had I gotten to reading sooner, I would have changed it right away! 😉
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Hmm, just double checked and don’t see that it’s in italics. If follows italics, but I don’t see that in italics too. Maybe I’m missing something else?
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Um, it isn’t in italics, I thought it should be, as it is part of the flashback.
Like ‘The smell of Eddie’s flesh’, no?
Sorry I mentioned it now!
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Ahh, got it. And yes, it probably should be. I was thinking dialogue only, but you’re totally right about that. Thanks again, C.E… changes to be made.
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Sharp eye! I hope you’re not upset? (the “sorry I mentioned it now!). I was just missing it, myself. Still slow in post-op recovery, and thought you were saying that it WAS in italics and shouldn’t be. Wee communication blip for me. Thanks again!
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Beautifully told. The worlds inside other people’s heads are eternally fascinating
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Thanks Neil, such a lovely comment!
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Great structure and moving piece Dawn
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Thanks Lain! I had an idea; I’m glad it worked.
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The dialogue is exquisite–internal, external, woven through. So sad. So real. So well done!
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Wow, thanks Na’ama, that’s so kind of you and means a lot to me. 🙂
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🙂 My pleasure, Dawn! It was very well done!
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Dear Dawn,
This is such a touching story. I can see both the external and the internal story. Well told.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. I had a goal, and hoped it would come thru’ this week. So glad it did. Your feedback is always appreciated. xo
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He’s lost in his memories. I like the different voices in this – past and present mingling together.
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Thanks Margaret. My intention was to convey that the sound of the metal on his walker hitting the wall sets of a ptsd response… but yes, there’s past and present here. Glad you picked it up. Thanks for your feedback.
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You just never know where another person is in their thought pattern. This was wonderfully done.
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So true, Violet. We can all remember that and be more sensitive sometimes. Thanks for your kind words.
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This painfully reminds me of my own youthfull arrogance when explaining ‘reality’ to my grandmother who was also lost in memories. Excellent storytelling, Dawn, and very moving.
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While I’m sorry for a painful reminder, I’m glad it resonated and made you think of your grandmother, Gabi. Thanks for your lovely feedback!
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you created a vivid chapter of life in a nursing home for veterans. Good job.
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Thanks so much; I appreciate your kind words!
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You are very welcome, Dawn.
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This is told with a great deal of empathy and understanding, great work
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Thanks so much Michael; your kind comment means a lot.
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A lovely story, Dawn. I know about a person lost in memories well. My father died in 1980. In her mid 90’s in the 1990s my mother was in the nursing home for Alzheimer’s and wondered why he didn’t come to see her. I told her he was on a fishing trip to Canada. She thought she was in her 30s. I also know about walkers as I use one because of a back injury. Good writing as always. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Suzanne, such a creative idea for you to alleviate your mother’s suffering like that! Not much point in making her relive his death. 😦 Thanks for your personal thoughts on this!
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I think with such stark memories you are excused of getting a bit lost…
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He’s excused, not me. 😉 But I imagine my day will come, Björn! We all get lost sometimes. Thanks for taking the time; it’s much appreciated.
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A very touching and poignant tale. His past and present converging. I enjoyed the internal dialogue and thoughts mixed with the voice of the aide. Very creative!
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Thanks so much Brenda; I’m so glad it worked!
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If we could collect the memories of all the old soldiers in nursing homes around the country, we’d likely have a more accurate and realistic record of all that took place on that fateful and fearful day.
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Absolutely!! Time is running out for that; I wish it were possible. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Linda.
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Touching story. A group of senior citizens taken to the dining hall. The attendant seem to be alert and not callous.
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Abhijit, There is only one senior being taken to the dining hall–– he is reliving his time on Omaha beach (D-Day), and the attendant probably isn’t callous, but definitely isn’t alert. They are missing the fact that this gentleman has ptsd, and is reliving some very painful memories. Thanks for your feedback!
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Lot of layers. Sorry I missed almost everything.
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NO worries, Abjijit. Every reader sees something different in a story, and I always appreciate when someone takes the time to read my stories. 🙂
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I would love to know the stories in his head! Can I join them for dinner?
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Right? Me too, Dawn! So many seniors really have so much to offer, and are so often overlooked. Thanks for stopping by!
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I must remember to take more notice!
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We all could do that. 😉
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Not enough of these stories get recorded. They’ll leave earth with the soul. Sad, we could learn a lot from personal stories.
Great stuff!
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Yes! Like so many important historical events, we miss the chance to learn. Sadly, the survivors of WWII are growing few. Thanks for your feedback; it’s much appreciated.
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