After weeks of happy stories with happy endings, this week I don’t have that story in me. As if all the horrible news around the world weren’t enough, the death of Robin Williams on Monday really rocked me– as it did so many. Suicide. I don’t know if he left a note, but when I saw this photo, that’s where my head went. Monday night, my 17 year-old son said: “It’s so sad that while he was making so many people laugh, he was that unhappy.” Out of the mouth of babes, right? My boy is young, and suicide is far from his reality. But, I get it. This resonates and shakes me to the core. Ultimately, I feel a deep sadness for the loss of someone who has made me laugh, touched me with his rivetingly performances in serious roles, and been present since I was in high school– but who was clearly so broken. “Oh Captain, my Captain!” Rest in peace, sweet man. (The scene, in this link, is one of my favorite movie scenes ever, in one of Robin Williams’ finest roles. Especially poignant give the news this week).
Friday Fictioneers is a weekly flash fiction challenge: Using a photo prompt, write a 100-word story, with a beginning, middle, and end. This week’s photo comes from Jan Wayne Fields. His wonderful wife Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is our hard working and fair minded leader. If you’re interested in participating, or would like to read other stories in the series, please visit her blog Addicted To Purple.
© Jan Wayne Fields
100 Heart-broken Words
In the quiet of my private night, there’s nothing left to laugh at.
Worthless, unable to pull my shit together– hopeless–
I’m so tired.
It’s not your fault– I love you more than anything else.
If it weren’t for my babies… and you, I would have given up
A long time ago.
It’s me; I’m broken–
Fucking spent.
There’s nothing
left in me to give.
Please understand–
It’s me, not you.
I can’t hurt anymore; and I don’t want to
Pull you down with me.
Nothing left– I’m empty
And useless…
I just can’t do it anymore.
Forgive me.
* * *
If you enjoyed this post, please hit Like and then leave a comment; I love to hear what readers have to say. Check out Tales From the Motherland’s Facebook page (my goal is 500 likes this year; I have a ways to go!), and Twitter, where I struggle to keep it brief. If you see ads on this page, please let me know. They shouldn’t be there. © 2014 Please note, that all content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, please give proper credit. Plagiarism sucks.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
It’s really sad, lost of hope and self-love!
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It is sad beyond words, Elizabeth. So much talent, and such deep sadness. Thanks for visiting TFTM. I appreciate your time and effort!
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Well everybody really liked Robin Williams but I hope this character didn’t ever take his way out of things
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Yes, he was a much loved entertainer… and suicide is never the answer. However, I understand how deeply troubled someone can get, and I feel enormous compassion for both Robin Williams and those he loved. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Larry.
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I don’t want to clutter up your comment section with videos here, but here’s something I never saw before until just the other day. Robin was such a class act.
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He was indeed! There are so many remarkable videos of him, and this one is really special. Thanks for sharing it. Iv you click on the link in my story (Captain, my captain), THAT is one of my favorite RW scenes… and doubly touching given the meaning now. Very powerful, and one of his best movies.
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Lovely, Dawn, just lovely
Robin Williams was my all time favorite comedian. He was wild and brilliant, as is your 100 words this week (skip the wild part, keep the brilliant.) Alicia
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Thanks Alicia. I found it hard to come at this this week. I appreciate your feedback.
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There are a lot to be said about suicide.. and it can be kept general, but still the end of Whitman’s poem reads
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
yes a tragic end.. and the picture of the crying clown comes to mind…
I think this is what a suicidal person would say (and I have talked a friend through some dark evenings.. and he’s still alive)..
Björn
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Lucky friend. So often, it’s when someone is alone that the thoughts become darkest. And yes, there is a lot to be said, for sure.
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Dawn,
The loss of this wonderful man has touched me to the core. And your son’s astute comment has been running through my mind all week from my own perceptions of Robin’s pain. I just wish that for that amazingly gifted artist that there had been another way…
Cathy
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I think that so many of us wish that… if we’d only known, right? Thanks Cathy. xo
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Dear Dawn,
I once wrote such a letter. The other times I left out the letter-writing part. It seemed so pointless. So happy today to have moved past those dark times, so sad over those who succeed in their own attempts. You have captured the dark feelings well.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Marie Gail, I’m so sorry that you have been there… and I get it, in a very personal, and deep way. I’ll share that another time. Thanks for your very meaningful comment. I’m glad you are past those times as well, and yes… it is so sad that others are not. All my best, in return. Dawn
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The latest I heard was that Robin Williams was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Perhaps he could not face putting his family, friends and fans through the tortuous process of watching him slip away. Whether or not that had anything to do with his taking of his life, I cannot help but shed tears where I and millions and others used to laugh. I look forward to re-watching his movies, especially Aladdin. He was the most remarkable, hilarious Genie ever! Thank you. Robin, for the joy you added to our lives. And thank you, Dawn, for this fitting tribute to a remarkable man. – Mike
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Thanks Mike. Yes, his movies will be with us forever… The Dead Poets Society (the link I included) is one of my favorites. There are so many great films! He gave us so much to remember him by! But how very sad that we must remember him…
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Dawn, That was a lovely tribute to Robin Williams. It came out that he was bi-polar along with his other problems. My husband, as I’ve said, is bi-polar. When I saw Robin perform I used to wonder if he was bi-polar, as I know that manic behavior well. His act was always hilarious, but I used to also be concerned because I know what they go through. The lows follow the highs. I read that he used to go off his medication so that his performances would be better. It’s so sad. Bi-polar sufferers are often suicidal. If a person is deeply depressed and alone, they’re their own worst enemy. May he truly rest in peace. —Susan
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So poignant, Dawn. Everyone is in shock. Good, if devastating words.
Claire
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Thanks Claire. No happy words here. Good will do. 😉
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A very touching tribute, Dawn. There’s always something beyond the laughter, demons that torment and destroy. This is a good reminder to be sensitive to others who may be crying out and need someone to walk with them through those dark places.
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We all get so caught up in our own work days and struggles, and it can be so easy to miss the signs, of others who are struggling. Your points are all dead on, Russell. Thanks for taking the time. 🙂
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Gave me chills. Dead Poets is one of my fave movies ever.
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My favorite too. I quote that line ALL the time… and was just talking about him/the movie this weekend. It was such a shock to hear the news! Watch that link now; it has an entirely different impact.
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Oh dear, just thinking about watching it makes me well up.
Jimmy Fallon stood on his desk in tribute, and I lost it.
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I watched the Jimmy Fallon tribute and cried like a baby… or a big one
… any developments on your little one?
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Wow, I didn’t see Jimmy Fallon (Psychobabble’s comment) stand on his desk. I would have lost it, too. The world lost an incredible human being. He cared so much, and felt everything so deeply I think. Whenever I think of suicide, for a fleeting moment, I say this could have been avoided, if only someone was there to intercept, to intervene, I just wanted to turn back the clock and the whole day, and hoped it wasn’t true. So sad, Dawn! It’s sad to think he left this world in pain. I hope he is at peace now.
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You can google the Jimmy Fallon tribute; it was very powerful! The link in my piece is one of my favorite scenes ever… in any movie– Especially powerful now.
I have thought the same thing over and over– if only someone had been up that night.
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I did google Jimmy Fallon’s tribute and got teary eyed. Standing on a desk is forever changed now.
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Indeed!
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Dear Dawn, Well written and to the point. Suicide is such a hopeless ending. You thought this out very well and sadly, so many people are touched by mental disease. Thanks, Nan :
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Thanks Nan. Yes, such a hopeless ending indeed.
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You captured our sense of loss, Dawn. Well done.
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Thanks Sandra. I think we are all in our own sad space right now… those of us who were touched by this amazing man. It means a lot that you were moved by my writing.
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Dear Dawn,
It’s been a rough week for those of us who loved Robin Williams. Your poem touched me deeply. I’ve been very close to it myself at times. (Happily in the distant past.)
Dead Poet’s Society is one of my favorite RW movies ever and the Captain my Captain scene one of the most beautiful ever. Isn’t it ironic that it involved suicide?
Beautifully done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I think that so many creative souls have “been there,” or close to it, at some point. Like you, that movie and that scene are is one of my favorite ever. And yes, the irony was not lost on me, as I watched it again this week. I really lost it. Shabbat shalom. dawn
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a very nice tribute, Dawn. it’s been a very sad week indeed.
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Thanks KZ. Hard in many ways.
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I understand totally, Dawn. I worked on the Morning Show on Fox 4 for 18 years in the studio. On November 29, 2011, our morning show weatherman killed himself. All of us, Kansas City included, were devastated. Like it was with Robin Williams, it was with us, too. Through that, though, we started the You Matter campaign, offering resources for suicide prevention and depression. If you search on YouTube for Don Fought Depression, you’ll see how agonized we were that morning, but there was hope we also told about — don’t be afraid to get help! I also lost two people I know to cancer this week, so it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride.
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Kent, I’m so sorry that you have experienced so much loss this week! Condolences. I’ll check out your the link, but what a spectacular thing you all did, from such horrible loss! Way to go!
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Thanks, Dawn. 🙂
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Isn’t it odd that so many of our generation (especially) were so moved by this loss. Your introduction mirrors my thoughts, our thoughts and I wonder if he had known how much he meant to us without us even knowing him if it would have made a difference. And then I read your letter and realize it would not.
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Thanks Dawn… I’m not sure if my letter is accurate, or close, but I do think that he was a broken, and hurting man… who could not save himself. I think he knew that he was much loved, but when you’re hurting that much, it doesn’t matter. Your views become so skewed.
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Well it is flash fiction; none of us can ever claim to know how badly another one hurts. A friend of mine lost her 20 something son this week, I won’t disrespect her for trying to guess why or how and although my heart breaks for her I can not possibly know her pain, nor do I ever want to.
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THAT loss is unfathomable! Not even I could address that, fiction or not. I appreciate your wonderful support!
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A lovely tribute to a great performer, Dawn. It seems both of us chose to remember Robin Williams this week.
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Dawn, so true, so true. The news of Robin Williams death felt like a punch in the gut. I don’t know why. I didn’t know him, but I thought he was truly one of the most talented people I’ve ever seen, and his humor sustained me at a time(s) in my life when sadness almost overwhelmed me. I was a true fan. Thank you for this tribute.
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Eleanor, I completely agree. Of course, I didn’t know RW either, but his life impacted my during important times. His death was a sad and incredible blow. Thanks for checking out my weekly flash fiction. I’ve written a longer piece about this as well. It’s always wonderful to get your insights. 🙂
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