On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him

Posted on November 25, 2014 by Dawn Quyle Landau

freshly-pressed-circleThank you to Word Press, who Freshly Pressed this piece. I have been deeply moved by the responses. Thank you to the many, many people who have read this post (here on WordPress and on Huffington Post) and shared their kind words or their own stories. I write to impact people, but this one is very personal. I did not expect the response that it got; I’m very grateful to everyone who has shared it, responded to it, or read it. Thank!

 

Dear Sir,

I don’t know your name, but you killed my father on June 9, 1973, in Stockton, California. My father was thirty-two years old then; I was ten. If he had lived, he would have been 74 on November 29, 2014.

The year my dad ws killed

The year my dad was killed

I am a 51-year-old woman now; my father has not been with me for most of my life, and yet I still feel his presence; I still miss him. When I was ten, and he was killed, I hated you. In fact, I hated you for many, many years. Somehow I got it in my head that you were a drunk driver and killed him while driving drunk. Perhaps someone told me that, or maybe it’s just what a child creates, to make sense of a senseless world. Admittedly, that story helped me for a while. It gave me a place to focus my pain, anger, and loss. If I hated you, for taking my dad away, I didn’t have to look at so many other pieces. We all need something to grab on to, when we’re drowning.

However, many years later my aunt, dad’s sister, told me that you were in fact a good man– young like my father, and that you felt terrible about your part in his death. She told me that she thought you had even come to my father’s memorial service. It was news that challenged me on so many levels; it’s information I’ve chewed on for several years since. I remember the day my father was buried, so well. I remember the funeral home– filled with people, suffocatingly hot in the Stockton heat. I remember that our family sat separately, in an area apart from the other mourners. I was restless, listening to people get up to speak, listening to prayers– to a God I hated. I remember my father, in the casket… It was one of the worst days of my life. If you were sitting there too, I can’t help but wonder what that day felt like for you.

My dad, 6 months before he died.

My dad, 6 months before he died.

My father was a very young man when he died. He was the father of three children; I am the oldest. My brother was eight, and my little sister was almost five. We have all grown up without our dad, and that hole has impacted each of us very differently– but make no mistake, we each have a hole. For so long I wanted to fill mine with what ifs, and anger for you. You, you, you– a mysterious face in the crowd, who changed my entire life! If only you knew how many times I’ve imagined your face, and wondered where you were and what you are doing. Have our paths crossed, in all of these years? Could we have met, and not known who the other was? If I met you now, what would I do, what would I say to you?

 

I would say this:  I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that you were just driving that day; you had no idea that your car and my father’s motorcycle would collide. I can only imagine the pain you’ve felt over the years, having experienced such a trauma. I would tell you that I grew up to be a successful and happy woman. I have three beautiful children and I’ve been married for 28 years, to a very good man. My oldest son looks like my father sometimes– there’s something in his hairline, and the shape of his face. It catches me off guard when I see it, like my father has whispered in my ear: I’m still here with you. I want you to know that I’m alright. I have never stopped missing my dad; I’d give anything to change that day and bring him back. But, I imagine you would too.

A couple of years ago, I heard an amazing story on NPR about people who had accidentally killed someone, and how that impacted their lives. I was deeply touched by the stories– the depths of the storytellers’ remorse and pain. It sounded so much like my own, that I suddenly realized I’d been carrying both your pain and my own… all these years. You have been as much a ghost to me, as my father has– both of you haunting me. I have imagined that day– that intersection–the crash– countless times. I’ve relived seeing my father, lifeless in a casket, for years. And I’ve imagined what you must feel. Hearing that story on NPR was so hard to listen to; I cried and cried– deep, convulsing sobs, as I let go of the last of my anger, as well as yours.

It’s a burden I don’t want to carry any more; I don’t want you to carry it either.

I’ve fantasized about finding you. I think about what I would say, and how we would both finally put our burdens down together. I would hug you, and say I’m sorry you’ve suffered. Perhaps you put this behind you a long time ago. God knows it’s been a long time– but pain and grief don’t have an expiration date.  Given the years, you may not even be alive now. Because his sisters, my aunts, are so youthful and such an important part of my life, I imagine my father would be alive now, too, if your lives had not collided on that day in 1973. However, the reality is he might not have lived to see his 74th birthday, this week. Perhaps we wouldn’t be close, and I’d be worrying about whether it would be awkward to have him here for Thanksgiving dinner– lots of families struggle with conflict. Or, maybe we’d be the happy family I’ve dreamed of– He’d be excited to see his grandchildren; I’d be happy to have my dad here for the holidays, getting together like so many other families. I’d have a birthday present tucked away, for after dinner, and a birthday cake beside the pumpkin pie.

These are questions I’ll never answer; there are so many things I’ll never know. But I do know this: if you are still out there, if you still think about my father: Robert Quyle, and the day your lives intersected– put that burden down. He is gone; nothing can change that. We both need to move on, and live our lives fully and gratefully. To the man who killed my father, I forgive you.

Dawn Quyle Landau

*Please consider sharing this letter/post. It would be amazing to find the man I wrote it to, or someone who knows him.

*     *     *

GIPY

Make me smile; HELP ME REACH MY GOAL:  I’d love to see the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page reach 500 likes in 2014. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, it’s where I’mforced to be brief.  Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. I love to hear what readers think. Honest, positive or constructive feedback is always welcome. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, with no spam.  If you see ads on this page, please let me know. They shouldn’t be there.  ©2014  Please note, that all content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, please give proper credit. Plagiarism sucks.

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
This entry was posted in Aging, Awareness, Blogging, Daily Observations, Death, Death of parent, Honest observations on many things, Life, Love, My world, Tales From the Motherland, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

612 Responses to On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him

  1. Claire Fuller says:
    November 25, 2014 at 4:13 am

    Dawn, this is such an amazing story and you are so brave to put it down in black and white after all these years. Happy birthday, Robert Quyle.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  2. UpChuckingwords says:
    November 25, 2014 at 4:14 am

    Quietly, I click like and send a hug.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  3. Snow's Fissures and Fractures says:
    November 25, 2014 at 4:17 am

    So well put together, this can be written only when we pass a certain age. The older I get, more calm, understanding and forgiving I become, acknowledging life’s true values. I am so proud that you wrote this, because although I don’t really know you, I know there is one more person in the world who was wise enough to forgive and let go.

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 25, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Thank you SO very much. I could not agree more. It’s taken many years to work through these feelings, this life story. It felt really good to write it down and send it out into the world. Thanks for your perceptive, very kind comment; it means a lot.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
  4. cyclingrandma says:
    November 25, 2014 at 4:27 am

    Wow, what a powerful piece of writing, Dawn. You captured so much of the emotions both you and this man must feel. Good for you to forgive him. Sure makes the saying, “every day is precious” ring true.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. Pingback: On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him | ugiridharaprasad

  6. Fearless Leader says:
    November 25, 2014 at 5:17 am

    I consider myself a man with a great deal of resliency and a certain kind of “toughness”. No more. I am crying like a baby.

    What an incredibly touching story. More incredibly, the simple but profound act of forgiveness that took so much courage and fortiturde to perform under such soul-wrenching circumstances.

    “To err is human, to forgive Divine”.

    God bless you and this man, Dawn. You have earned it.

    Extraordinary post.

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply
  7. Suzanne Joshi says:
    November 25, 2014 at 5:23 am

    Dawn, Lovely story. It’s such a relief when you can forgive. Your dad was my age, only about 3 months younger. I thank God every day he gives me; I never take it for granted..We were fortunate to have my dad with us until he was almost 83 in 1980. Have a great Thanksgiving! — Susan

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 25, 2014 at 7:46 am

      Thanks so much Susan. I often look at people who are the age he would’ve been, and wonder what he would have looked like, who he would have been– what our relationship would be like. It was time to write this. Thanks!

      Like

      Reply
      • cyrusquick says:
        November 30, 2014 at 10:00 am

        I am a few days older than you father is (to put it that way) and he is the same age as John Lennon is. I hope it is not crass of me to say that I am glad that UK made ‘skid-lids’ compulsory years ago. It is weird to see Americans bareheaded on motorbikes. I just wonder if your father wore head protection.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • talesfromthemotherland says:
          November 30, 2014 at 10:35 am

          My father was not wearing a helmet. They were not required back then, and he loved riding without one. That said, he died of massive chest injuries. The helmet would not have saved him. Thanks for taking the time to read this post; I appreciate your time and thoughts.

          Like

          Reply
  8. Tracesofthesoul says:
    November 25, 2014 at 5:37 am

    What a beautiful story thou have written!! Bless thou for sharing this amazing act if forgiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Jueseppi B. says:
    November 25, 2014 at 6:35 am

    Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  11. Mike Lince says:
    November 25, 2014 at 7:06 am

    I believe you may have outdone yourself with this inspiring story of forgiveness. Everyone who reads this story will find something they can take away from it, and perhaps find in your message the strength to forgive whoever haunts their lives. – Mike

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  12. Carrie Rubin says:
    November 25, 2014 at 7:35 am

    Amazing piece, Dawn. Forgiveness can be difficult to give for tragedies like these, but I’m sure letting go, especially after all these years, must be liberating.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  13. Carol Middelburg says:
    November 25, 2014 at 7:42 am

    A beautiful piece of writing and beautiful of you to forgive. I have thought of that man many times over the years, too, and I hope he found peace. Just as I am glad you now have also found some sort of peace. Happy birthday to my dear brother. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  14. Pat says:
    November 25, 2014 at 7:57 am

    Best of all, I truly believe your Dad–my brother–would want us to forgive. Life is very precious, a thin thread that can be broken at any time. Thank you for this missive, Dawn, and Happy Birthday to my brother!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  15. Kylie says:
    November 25, 2014 at 9:39 am

    Dawn. I didn’t know we had this in common. We are so close geographically. We must see each other again and talk and talk and talk.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  16. Linda says:
    November 25, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Dawn . Very moving and well written . Thanks for reminding me that forgiveness is a blessing .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. storydivamg says:
    November 25, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Nothing ever truly resolves such tragedy, but forgiveness of all parties goes a long way toward making the world a better place in which to live. Thanks for sharing this reflection.

    Marie Gail

    Like

    Reply
  19. Melissa McCreery says:
    November 25, 2014 at 11:21 am

    What a beautiful, brave, and touching post Dawn. Just wow.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  20. etomczyk says:
    November 25, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Beautiful…and very, very empowering. Took my breath away.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  21. Melissa McCreery says:
    November 25, 2014 at 11:32 am

    What a beautiful, honest, and brave post. Wonderful Dawn!

    Like

    Reply
  22. Lyn Keiran Smith says:
    November 25, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Dawn,You are amazing. As I sit here sobbing, I feel some of the sadness that I carry with me from the loss of my own father leaving me. I am thankful that I have a friend like you that knows how to put her feelings so wonderfully into words! xo

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  23. AreYouFinishedYet says:
    November 25, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    So, so beautiful Dawn. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  24. rkilbreath says:
    November 25, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    This is moving and fascinating because, in a lot of weird ways, we have some strange parallels! My father was also killed in a motorcycle accident. I was 18 and never felt any anger at the driver, oddly enough. It always seemed like something so random, so ridiculous that no one person could be at fault. It felt bigger than some random garbage truck driver to me.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this story. It made me stop and think about the man driving the garbage truck and wish to absolve him of any guilt he might be feeling.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 25, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      We have all kinds of parallels my wonderfully edgy and talented friend! I have to say, I think my anger stems from being so young, and some of the more personal details surrounding his death. That, and the fact that we’re different people… right? 😉 Thanks so much for stopping by R!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  25. hbksloss says:
    November 25, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Wow what a letter! 34 years ago a man killed my cousin. She was 26, I was 17 and she had lived with us for part of her growing up. I miss her most of the time, but I have to admit that I no longer think of her constantly. While I don’t know why she was murdered, I do know that it was not an accident. Death shapes our lives as does life: who we are missing, who we pine for. Sounds like you have come a long way to be able to write this post. Hope you have a happy thanksgiving and give your boy, the one who most resembles your father, a special hug.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Thanks so much Heidi, and I’m so sorry for that horrible loss. My entire life has been shaped by loss and death. It is very deep in my veins. This was just the first, and most traumatic. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and very personal response. I really appreciate you sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  26. Shelly Geraghty says:
    November 25, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    Dawn…an amazing heartfelt story and I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I’m certain your dad still lives in your heart. You never have to stop celebrating the day he was born and you can spend the rest of your life celebrating his birth. Wishing you peace and joy this holiday.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  27. viviankirkfield says:
    November 25, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Thank you, Dawn…what a perfect story for Thanksgiving week. I hope this post helps others lay down their burdens of anger, remorse, regret, bitterness…whatever negative emotions they are carrying for whatever reason.
    I wish you and your beautiful family a most Happy Thanksgiving.

    Like

    Reply
  28. Valentine Logar says:
    November 25, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you, I needed to learn this lesson.

    Like

    Reply
  29. kjlangton says:
    November 25, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    Wow. Wow. Thank you, Dawn….

    Like

    Reply
  30. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) says:
    November 26, 2014 at 4:26 am

    I must say this touched me a lot Dawn.. One of the stories that touched me most when I read it as very young was by Swedish Author Stig Dagerman. We read it at school, and I think it has had a positive effect on my driving. It seems to exist in translation:

    http://www.dagerman.us/writings/short-stories/collections

    Also there is a short film on youtube

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B75F1vo5864 (but it seem to lack subtitles).

    Like

    Reply
  32. Janine says:
    November 26, 2014 at 7:58 am

    Wow. What a touching story. You are such a strong woman. I often look at my children (ages 10 and 5) and silently pray to God that nothing happens to their father and me because their world would be destroyed. I see through your story that while it would certainly be the worst thing in their lives, yet they would ultimately be okay. I admire you so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  33. mamaheidi60 says:
    November 26, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Wow! Look at the flood of emotions and stories you opened up for so many folks today! If the man is still living, I’m sure that this moment in life is with him, just tucked away, but not forgotten. Thank you for writing about this. You have often talked about losing your dad when you were so young. This really seems like a closure after all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. Pingback: On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him | Love All Blogs

  35. thisdayilove says:
    November 28, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    What a powerful and moving piece of writing. I hope that I can too forgive one day, I am still on the anger phase

    Like

    Reply
  37. unbelievablyunbounded says:
    November 29, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Such an inspiring, thoughtful, and touching read… And I can continue on with a number of different adjectives that describe this amazing post. A very moving story of forgiveness- you’re so strong on so many levels.

    Like

    Reply
  38. indysay says:
    November 29, 2014 at 9:45 am

    So sorry about your loss. I am happy you see him in your son’s face, and hear him whispering he is there. I’ve no doubt he is. Saw the movie “Book of Life” with my kids recently. If you can tolerate a children’s movie, see it next time you miss your dad. It gave me great solace regarding dealing with death of loved ones.

    Like

    Reply
  39. itsmayurremember says:
    November 29, 2014 at 9:54 am

    I salute you! Your strength is admirable!
    Truly touched and inspired!!

    Like

    Reply
  40. clumsytrex says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Your heart in this post is a beautiful gift to behold. Thank you.

    Like

    Reply
  41. Stuart M. Perkins says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:14 am

    Very moving and powerful.

    Like

    Reply
  42. suvidhakannan says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Yea, its true that pain has no expiration date…its been five years and I still miss my dad…i miss him everyday….and the pain has not gone nor it pained less.

    Like

    Reply
  43. suvidhakannan says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:22 am

    And you have wonderfully done it…it was so heart touching…made me to feel the loss, pain…
    P.s. I am not expert but I just felt.

    Like

    Reply
  44. Marie says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Such a beautiful thread, from your letter to the voices of family, friends, and strangers standing beside you in a place of forgiveness. Too often tragedy shelters us from peace, casting long shadows over joy as we struggle to move past a loss. I hope your words travel far, chasing shadows and inviting peace.

    Like

    Reply
  45. suvidhakannan says:
    November 29, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Reblogged this on suvidhakannan and commented:
    Miss you dad…

    Like

    Reply
  46. itsallbuki says:
    November 29, 2014 at 11:16 am

    You are brave. Please accept my condolences and love. I’m sure your dad is proud of you to have written this

    Like

    Reply
  47. hasan202 says:
    November 29, 2014 at 11:41 am

    After reading I thinks for a while WHAT SHOULD I COMMENT ,But There is NO words .YOU truly Great Dawn.

    Like

    Reply
  48. Jordan says:
    November 29, 2014 at 11:46 am

    This is truly powerful and made me tear up.

    Like

    Reply
  49. hemphaus says:
    November 29, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Great post!

    HempHausMag.com

    Like

    Reply
  50. nfadera says:
    November 29, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    A penetrating piece of remission. My heart bleeds and your fortitude, I admire. The ability to come this far in life without paternal guidance is quite simply inspirational. I salute you Ma’am. Your Dad would be proud. May his soul rest in eternal peace. Amen.

    Like

    Reply
  51. María says:
    November 29, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Very powerful words. A very emotional post. You moved me. 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  53. buildingnewfuturesfoundation says:
    November 29, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    in memory of your papa…may his soul find true peace in your forgiveness…👌

    Like

    Reply
  54. talesofthechair says:
    November 29, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    What a beautiful post. Your an amazing woman!

    Like

    Reply
  55. buildingnewfuturesfoundation says:
    November 29, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    sre thing,also trying to bring our new blog to reality and touching,most of all,the very lives of those who love to read,and of course,write. Follow us and we will sirely follow you back,hoping you wouldnt mind us rebloging some content☺ Enchante!

    Like

    Reply
  56. buildingnewfuturesfoundation says:
    November 29, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Reblogged this on The Building New Futures Foundation and commented:
    To Become A New, We may all Need To Let Go, To Forgive, To Live, Leaving the Life of The Fallen Leaf and Letting Peace Fill Us, To Feel yet again..

    J_m.f. kennedy

    In memory of 100 years, the aftermath of The First World War… Long Live The Mother Earth!!

    Like

    Reply
  57. Joan T Warren says:
    November 29, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    To hell with the 500 likes, you are worth so much more than that! Brave enough to bare such a personal thing, and loving enough to extend forgiveness, your precious spirit is a great example of what it means to be redeemed. We need a “love” button here, I love love love this kind of writing, this kind of person. Mwah!

    Like

    Reply
  58. brookscarpet says:
    November 29, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Great life story. We all have to look at forgiveness for a host of life altering circumstances. Sometimes hard to dig deep and agree with ourselves that we need to forgive. What a relief when we do no matter the cause of our pain.
    We never know when we may be in need of forgiveness ourselves as a result of our walk in life and that will include the common everyday need or our part in a life altering situation for others we may come to be unforeseeably involved.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      Welcome to Tales From the Motherland; I really appreciate you stopping to read my words. True words indeed, brookscarpet! I have certainly needed forgiving, and admit that giving it is not always as easy as wanting it. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave your thoughtful comment. I’m grateful.

      Like

      Reply
      • brookscarpet says:
        November 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

        Thank you, we all can do well to look for the good before looking at faults or reasons for blame.
        Our nature, however on the average is to see adverse before good. Our struggle in life, works far better once we attribute to others, that which we desire ourselves, to be given a chance to be understood and have opportunity to make it right. Forgiveness opens doors that will be closed to us otherwise. Even, fault related change in a persons life as a result of another persons habits or negligence, if any, over unforseen occurrences that will visit all of us sooner or later, in some way, big or small, will have a good associated with it if we are willing to see through forgiving eyes of faith, in, for the most part, others true intention is to want to do good. Usually, the related benefit is like your article, in that, your life experience now publicized, can help many with their struggle and help them see others understand and so we are not alone. We can be in it together.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  59. Jouwiee says:
    November 29, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    My father was brutally murdered this year, i hope i will get to be as forgiving as you are. Lovely post

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Oh, Jouwiee, I am so very sorry for your loss. I might feel very differently if my father had been murdered. As a child, it felt the same: an accident and murder. Either way, my father was dead and I felt empty. As an adult, who has had lots of time to grieve, and work out my feelings, I’ve realized that I need to let go of my anger, to be healthier– myself.

      Let yourself grieve; it’s so important. Check out the site SLAP’D (https://www.slapd.com/) it’s a great source of support. I wish you healing and peace, as you work through your feelings. Thank you so much for stopping by Tales From the Motherland. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my story, and share your very personal, painful thoughts.

      Like

      Reply
  60. gloriousinfidel says:
    November 29, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    I’m left without words, except to say that I am so sorry even after all this time, for your loss. For the memories that you have missed. I commend you for your bravery in putting this post out there. I hope the healing continues. Best wishes.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful, kind words. There is so much that I have missed, but I am who I am for both the missing and the having. Thanks for taking the time to visit Tales From the Motherland– to read and comment. Your time is much appreciated.

      Like

      Reply
  61. minnierx says:
    November 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Reblogged this on minnierx and commented:
    This is beautiful

    Like

    Reply
  62. rebieswalley says:
    November 29, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Amazing!!! The bible tells us if we fail to forgive others he won’t forgive us. Forgiveness is a blessing straight from Gods heart to yours. God bless you.

    Like

    Reply
  63. insight07 says:
    November 29, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    This was beautiful. It was like a voyage in the sea of emotions you took us on. From anger, to understanding. I am way too young to understand certain aspects of it, but i try. Like i can understand, the hole left behind by your papa’s death is still not filled, but it’s not raw now. I am an avid reader. I have read many books with characters who are in situations similar to yours. They always move on. But for the first time, i got to read the real thing, the reality. I hope you well Dawn. By the way beautiful name! 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  64. rns928 says:
    November 29, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Personally I have been asked this question in passing…what would you do to the man who killed your father? I had an idea of what I would do and so did the person asking the question, but to us it was purely hypothetical. Thank you for sharing a story that is quite personal and for giving me a glimpse into another prospective of a now realistic scenario. This gives me hope in the kind and forgiving nature of humanity.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 11:10 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I’m sorry you lost your father too. I don’t know the circumstances, but we each have our own journey. It looks very different depending on where you’re coming from. I’m glad this letter shed a new light on a painful situation.

      Like

      Reply
      • rns928 says:
        November 29, 2014 at 11:36 pm

        I am sorry for the misunderstanding my father is alove and well but being a student amd coming from a cultire that puts quite an importance on family. I was ask hypothetically what I would do if said situation had happened. I had said that I would forgive that person if it would have happened. I thank you for showing me that what I thought was an idealistic situation (forgiveness) is a realistic one as well.
        I apologise for the misunderstanding

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  65. oneintercessor says:
    November 29, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Reblogged this on A Common Life and commented:
    Hoping to help the man who killed her father come across this post. God bless you both.

    Like

    Reply
  66. Carol Middelburg says:
    November 29, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Your father must be smiling down on you. Your writing and all of these beautiful comments must surely have touched him. What an incredible response to this work of yours!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 11:32 pm

      Varanasi is one of my favorite cities in the world. Why have you sent only your email address?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • mdigvijay7 says:
        November 30, 2014 at 2:05 am

        I started my blogging today…! I wish i could collect some followers.

        Like

        Reply
        • talesfromthemotherland says:
          November 30, 2014 at 9:29 am

          The best way to get new followers is to write, write, write! Post things that are of interest to you, on your blog. Reblogging other posts is a nice thing to do, but others readers most appreciate finding new things that they know you have written.

          The next most important thing to do, to get followers, is to leave comments on other people’s blogs. Try not to put your email address or your blog link in the comment (a lot of bloggers don’t like that). Say something sincere about the blog post you are commenting on, and people will eventually find their way to your blog. Tell your friends and family to read your work; hopefully they will tell others.

          When I first started blogging, I had NO followers for weeks!! Then I had one. I read other bloggers’ work; I commented and got to know them, and eventually they followed me too. Congratulations on starting your blog! Thanks for reading my letter.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  68. jgroeber says:
    November 29, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    Absolutely beautiful, Dawn. And what a powerful way to set yourself free, a heartfelt letter. Brave, bold and moving- never a surprise coming from you. I can’t imagine your father would be anything but deeply proud of you.

    Like

    Reply
  69. Shreya says:
    November 29, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    Such a great powerful article ,… made me cry ! forgiveness brings peace but only strong people have this quality.
    God bless you always

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 29, 2014 at 11:36 pm

      Thank you so much Shreya. I have had many years to find my strengths (and my weaknesses). No sooner do I find it, and it’s challenged again. Life is that way. Thanks so much for visiting Tales From the Motherland. I appreciate your time and kind works.

      Like

      Reply
  71. Captured by Jamikko says:
    November 30, 2014 at 12:15 am

    What a story! just in time for Christmas when we tend to forget the negatives in our lives and focus on the happy moments with our loved ones who are still with us. Best wishes to you Dawn…

    Like

    Reply
  72. leilakhanum says:
    November 30, 2014 at 2:32 am

    Dawn this was the first blog I have ever actually read all the way through. I must say you truly have a big heart, most people will go their whole lives with hate and remorse. It was a very moving piece of your life you have shared with us. And I am blessed to say I got to share it with you. Happy birthday to your father. I know he’s looking down on you. And now you have added yet another heart you have captured with your story.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 9:35 am

      Leila, I’m very honored that you read this post all the way through. I debated for a while, whether to even post it. I wanted to write it, and have it be meaningful. Writing it, in itself was meaningful… but putting it out into the world, demanded that I really think about my intention and belief. Once I hit publish, I felt relieved… I needed to move through this one; it’s been a very long time, carrying it.

      I really appreciate you taking the time to visit TFTM; I’m grateful you took the time to read this, and share your thoughtful feedback. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  73. generalolomu says:
    November 30, 2014 at 2:41 am

    Reblogged this on generalolomu's Blog and commented:
    Though it took so long, but that is a forgiving heart.

    Like

    Reply
  75. Ashhar Hasan says:
    November 30, 2014 at 4:12 am

    I feel happy for you that you found peace. I wish the other person does too. The only way is forward but with a mirror in our hand to see what we lost and what we gained.

    I’d like to quote something from my favourite anime show, “Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain something of equal value must be lost.”
    Although I know human lives cannot be ‘valued’ but I do know that we must look at everything we gain. You grew strong, independent. Maybe your dad not being there made you take some important decisions shaping who you are today.

    May Peace be within you.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 9:43 am

      Thank you Ashhar. I have no doubt that I am a different person today, than I would have been had my father lived. Of course, I would trade that in a second, for the years I lost with him– but there’s no doubt that we are who we are, for the steps we’ve taken and the experiences we’ve had. I appreciate you visiting Tales From the Motherland; come by again!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  76. Ashhar Hasan says:
    November 30, 2014 at 4:13 am

    Reblogged this on Life! and commented:
    This is a very good write-up. And about something we should learn too.

    Like

    Reply
  77. Rina Macasaet says:
    November 30, 2014 at 4:18 am

    What a powerful story to write about! I salute your courage. Bless your journey. Beautiful!

    Like

    Reply

  79. Pingback: Shared from WordPress « jenileqca

  80. noodle4president says:
    November 30, 2014 at 5:52 am

    Dawn, this showed up in my reader yesterday and today. Today i finally read it. My heart is filled with many emotions. I shared this on FB in hopes that others will, too.
    -noodle’s mom, Samantha

    Like

    Reply
  81. gallivance.net says:
    November 30, 2014 at 5:53 am

    Oh Dawn, you’ve done it again – made me cry. What a wonderfully compassionate letter, beautifully written. I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. You are so wise to lay your burden down and forgive. Thanks for reminding all of us of the power of forgiveness. And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed again – so richly deserved. All the best, Terri

    Like

    Reply
  82. bfoxygrandma says:
    November 30, 2014 at 6:48 am

    I feel for you. I inderstand how some of the commenters see that you wrote this with elegancre, no hatred. I lost my grandmother about 6 years ago. She however was murdered. Should I write a letter to her killer, it would be loathsome.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 10:12 am

      I agree bfoxygrandma. My situation is vastly different than yours, and that of a couple other commenters. I don’t think I could write the same letter, if my father had been murdered… his loss has been too hard, as it is. I guess (and this is personal), over time, it was letting go… or moving through, my own anger and loss, to not carry that around– For ME, not anyone else.

      I’m SO very sorry for your loss. It is horrible beyond comprehension. I hope you can find peace and healing… however that is for you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my letter.

      Like

      Reply
  84. mahafaisalsheikh96 says:
    November 30, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Dear Dawn, this is the very first post I’ve read on wordpress, and believe me, I am moved and solely touched by it. Although I don’t know you, I am so proud that you shared this, and were wise enough to forgive and let go. Happy thanksgiving!

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 10:14 am

      Welcome to Word Press, blogging, and Tales From the Motherland, mahafaisalsheikh96! I’m honored that you landed here first, and grateful that my work touched you. Honestly, I’m proud of myself too… this took far too long! Again, thank you for stopping by. I hope you’ll visit again, and share your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  85. Kathy Simmons says:
    November 30, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Dear Dawn, I am sorry for the many years of father/daughter moments of which you were cheated in the tragic and untimely loss of your dad. I lost my father seven years ago. . Although we had a full lifetime of memories/moments (we spoke every day) it still feels like it was not long enough. I can only imagine how you feel. I too heard that NPR program you wrote of and was haunted by the stories. One stayed with me involving the man who relayed his tale of accidentally shooting his brother in a hunting accident while both were boys. More tragically, his mother’s pleas that she did not want her younger son to go along that day, went unheeded. I believe the man in that story after wandering the world for a time eventually did something with his life to alleviate the pain though can’t recall what exactly it was, though he claimed it brought him peace. I hope you too can find that peace. My younger sister was struck by a hit and run driver when she was six years old. Although she only broke her leg, I often wonder about that driver and how he slept at night never knowing if he had killed a child. If you have time to visit my blog, I wrote a short tribute to my own father entitled “In The Company of Women” about his devotion to his four daughters. Your post was beautiful. Your father would be proud.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 10:19 am

      Kathy, thank you so much for visiting TFTM. I really appreciate your wonderful comment– that NPR story was indeed deeply moving! It’s unfathomable to me how anyone could hit ANYONE, let alone a child, and leave. I understand fear; I understand panic, but how could you not stop. I have stopped and panicked over squirrels! Seriously. A child! Wow. I will definitely read your story… after I finish the hundreds of comments here. I have always felt that it’s very important to respond to EVERY comment. It means so much to me, that anyone would read my work, that responding (sincerely) is the least I can do in return. That said, it’s a long list this weekend! I’ve marked your story, and will get back to it. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  86. Meal-issa says:
    November 30, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Wow! I am in tears reading this. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, it touched me deeply. You’re in my prayers!

    Like

    Reply
  87. mustaphabarki2014 says:
    November 30, 2014 at 9:16 am

    Reblogged this on Engineering WordPress 2015.

    Like

    Reply
  89. bupacks says:
    November 30, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Reblogged this on Adventures by L & L and commented:
    Beautifully written post, my experience tells me anger is like a cancer. It can consume you if you let it. God bless

    Like

    Reply
  90. smithreginald says:
    November 30, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Reblogged this on smithreginald and commented:
    Powerful powerful letter

    Like

    Reply
  91. shaaperas says:
    November 30, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    ‘Tis amazing, I could envisioned vivid pictures of all the scenarios, that was a big leap you took.

    Like

    Reply
  93. jadeshian15 says:
    November 30, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    I’m so sorry about your loss. This story is amazing. Happy Birthday to your father!

    Like

    Reply
  94. Annabel says:
    November 30, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Wow just wow, I was almost in tears….very brave, heartfelt and compelling read x

    Like

    Reply
  95. ltiztaz says:
    November 30, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Your story has touched my heart. How would I react to have someone I dearly love be taken from me. Could I forgive? Today I heard a story of a family that went to a prison to forgive the murderer of their only child. How do they find enough love in their hearts to allow this man such freedom? I look at your story, at these people’s gift to a man who took the most precious thing in their lives away, never being able to tell your loved one again that you love them. Never to celebrate new discoveries, birthday, marriages, births and losses together, gone forever. I pray I’m never in this situation but I pray harder that I will find the love you found to have forgiveness in my heart and love to those who have wronged me. Jesus forgave his murderers, you forgave a lost soul. The least we all can do is live to follow such amazing love for mankind. May God bless you for your understanding and love. May he bless us all with forgiving hearts and neverending, unconditional love. Thank you, you’ve touched my soul.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Than you so much for your very kind words. I do want to clarify however, the man who killed my father is not a “lost soul.” He was a good man, involved in an accident. It took me a long time to move through my feelings; I’m honored that this letter touched you.

      Like

      Reply
  96. sandrashart says:
    November 30, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    Dawn, In 1980 my brilliant inventor husband was murdered. My three children were very young and with one phone call my life changed forever. It took me ten years to cry and write our story. (BEHIND THE MAGIC MIRROR) We still don’t know who the killer is for sure, but the best of my husband lives within my successful and talented children. At the time I was angry, ‘Why me God?’ Well, that one moment’s change in our lives has given us a passion and a cause to help others who are hurting. Nothing happens without a reason. I am so happy you have forgiven and are moving forward. It would be very good for him to know that. I hope you can find him to release his burden as well. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      Sandra, thank you so much for taking the time to read this story and leave this wonderful comment. It means so much! I am so sorry for your horrific loss; it must have been unbearable at the time, but yes, things happen for a reason, whether we know that reason or not. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  97. sunuasta says:
    November 30, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Reblogged this on sunuasta and commented:
    Forgiven but not forgotten

    Like

    Reply
  98. ginjuh says:
    November 30, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Forgiveness for something so catastrophic is just mountain-forming slow. This is powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      Thank you so much, ginjuh! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I was published on HuffPost this weekend too (a different story– when it rains!), and the comments there are much harsher. Thank goodness I can keep coming back to this story, for a dose of kindness. 😉

      Like

      Reply
  99. Ryufa says:
    November 30, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    Reblogged this on White Tea Land and commented:
    I just wanna share this and hope the man can read this…

    Like

    Reply
  101. MAGSebastian says:
    November 30, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Thank you very much for sharing your experience. It got me to better understand people in the same situation. Happy birthday!

    Like

    Reply
  102. donofalltrades says:
    November 30, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Good for you for sharing your sad story and being able to forgive the person who killed your dad. I don’t know the circumstances of your dad’s death, but as a city police officer in a large urban area, I see death all the time and wonder about the people before me, probably more than I should. Who will miss this dead person? What would he have been like had he lived to be an old man? Those sorts of things. Your dad’s killer surely carries a weight on his heart that troubles him from time to time. Unless he’s not human, it has to. Good luck to you.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      November 30, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and for sharing your personal response. I have often wondered about all of the first responders who face this all of the time. Thank you for doing a job that is challenging on so many levels!

      Like

      Reply
  103. luverley says:
    November 30, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    Made me cry. It’s amazing how far you’ve come and the emotions you’ve worked through this time to get where you are now. Hugs.

    Like

    Reply
  104. luverley says:
    November 30, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Reblogged this on adifferentlifebeinglived and commented:
    Moving letter to the man who killed her father.

    Like

    Reply
  105. guptalauren says:
    November 30, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    it is truly great to forgive someone…not everyone has the power to do so….i really appreciate your bravery…some incidents change your life…its easy to not like anyone but it is as tough to forgive someone who altered our life that much…thank you for sharing n showing us how to be brave…

    Like

    Reply

  107. Pingback: Absolute Mayhem Is An Absolute Joy! | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  108. patricia says:
    December 1, 2014 at 4:55 am

    Yours is a heartfelt story of forgiveness, told with loving care. Thank you for sharing with the world.

    Like

    Reply
  109. Bonae_ says:
    December 1, 2014 at 7:34 am

    I can only give you a applause on the letter that you wrote to someone that has taken someone so close to. You carry strength in your forgiveness.

    Like

    Reply
  110. winterharvestine says:
    December 1, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Reblogged this on winterharvestine.

    Like

    Reply
  111. thefarmingmomma says:
    December 1, 2014 at 8:26 am

    Very impressive read.. And a catchy title. I had to stop and read when i saw it in my feed. Ill be stopping by your fb page.

    Like

    Reply
  112. vtwoodcharles723 says:
    December 1, 2014 at 8:27 am

    This is a wonderful piece that should be read by anyone who is grieving. It makes me rethink my own feelings about my father’s death, though it was much later, and due to a medical mistake. I like the way you acknowledge the hole, but also are able to move on with life still in the presence of the hole and his presence. I need to work on that. Thank you.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 1, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Thank you. I am not sure that the “hole” can ever be filled, but it helps to fill some of it with forgiveness. Moving through hard things is a positive way of feeling good about the positives, while not remaining stuck in the negative stuff. I appreciate your time.

      Like

      Reply
  113. sahanish45 says:
    December 1, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Dawn, this piece is simply a gem:) It’s something i, being into writing myself, would love to keep coming back to, for valuable tips in writing! That apart, i also feel very inspired from your brave story!Thanks for sharing:)

    Like

    Reply
  114. sahanish45 says:
    December 1, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Reblogged this on Escape to Black And White and commented:
    Simply beautiful…

    Like

    Reply
  116. Laurie Samsel Olson says:
    December 1, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    Very powerful post. Shared on FB. Hope you find the man.

    Like

    Reply
  118. matangala says:
    December 1, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Am touched by your story …its difficult to forgive but we have to.Life must go on…thanks for sharing Madame.

    Like

    Reply
  120. couchlm says:
    December 1, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    A beautifully written and raw insight on love, anger and growth.

    Like

    Reply
  121. Just There says:
    December 1, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    This is so touching, I am proud of you and you are a strong women!

    Like

    Reply
  123. Just There says:
    December 1, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    This is the best thing I’ve ever read.

    Like

    Reply
  124. Forestwoodfolkart says:
    December 1, 2014 at 10:45 pm

    Reblogged this on The Legion of Door Whores and commented:
    Tragic yet the power and freedom that comes with forgiveness can be liberating.

    Like

    Reply
  125. text me, love mom says:
    December 1, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Wow – it impresses me that you are replying to each post. I have a cousin who was killed in her car by a train many years ago, as young as your dad, and I never thought much until today about the engineer and how that effected his life. I didn’t blame him but maybe he needs to feel forgiven, too. Thank you.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 2, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      Thanks so much for reading my work. I’m so sorry about your cousin. That must have been a real trauma for your family. I have a cousin who is a train engineer, ironically. It is in fact a VERY traumatic thing for engineers, and there are all kinds of counseling options for them, but many really struggle with that. Suicide, on train tracks is very common, and they carry a lot of guilt.

      Regarding comments: I have always responded to every comment. I feel strongly, that if you, or anyone else takes the time to read my work, I’m sincerely honored and grateful. I was published on Huffington Post for the first time on Sunday– a very controversial piece. The comments have been pretty hateful, and while I tried to keep up at first, I was advised (by “the professionals”) that I should not continue. It was exhausting and there’s no answer for some of the remarks… that happened the day after this was FP’ed; so there were literally hundreds of comments to answer! I really appreciate you noticing that… as it’s something I try hard to honor.

      Again, thanks for your time and thought.

      Like

      Reply
  126. text me, love mom says:
    December 2, 2014 at 12:20 am

    I’ve been reading your blogs. And excitedly decided to follow you.

    Like

    Reply
  128. The characterful writer says:
    December 2, 2014 at 1:46 am

    I loved your letter, and if I had been that unfortunate driver, I would be greatly comforted. Your father would be proud of the positive way you have processed your loss and grief. Your children will profit from this, and so his death is elevated to an enduring presence in the family.

    Like

    Reply
  129. Ema Jones says:
    December 2, 2014 at 2:08 am

    Very touching letter…I hope the person it is addressed to find it and liberate himself to live rest of his life in peace. And, you dear are really a courageous soul! Bless you!

    Like

    Reply
  130. amaalali says:
    December 2, 2014 at 2:59 am

    RIP Robert Quyle … I really touched about your story and how brave you are to forgive the man who killed him… As humans we have to forgive because things works in this universe in mysterious ways . Nothing can fulfill the father or mother presence but we need to live and we need to think of our future and put the hate and sorrow away …

    Like

    Reply
  131. jessicaheintz says:
    December 2, 2014 at 3:17 am

    Reblogged this on jessicaheintz and commented:
    Beautiful act of forgiveness during this holiday season…

    Like

    Reply
  132. stephen452367 says:
    December 2, 2014 at 3:54 am

    Life’s too short! Forgiving even though it once hurted us

    Like

    Reply
  134. youngjamaican says:
    December 2, 2014 at 8:15 am

    amazing i am deeply touched

    Like

    Reply
  136. amaalali says:
    December 2, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Reblogged this on amaalali and commented:
    Amazing story , a brave women share her tragedy and how she forgive after all these years .

    Like

    Reply
  137. Zenith says:
    December 2, 2014 at 10:48 am

    I almost choked up, and I never do that. You’re a lot braver than I could ever be.

    Like

    Reply
  138. sianelise96 says:
    December 2, 2014 at 10:48 am

    Such a powerful piece. It’s inspired me to think about writing a piece about losing my dad. You’re an incredible writer. I am truly inspired.

    Like

    Reply
  139. Arslan says:
    December 2, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Woo, its the one amazing thing I’ve ever read. Its really very amazing.
    While I was reading the letter, I was feeling like, I am watching the whole thing in front of me.
    Amazing, just superbbb…
    Don’t know what to say, but it’s amazing,,,

    Like

    Reply
  140. transitionstande says:
    December 2, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    A very moving letter. You have done well to reach the point of forgiveness. I hope you do find out more about what happened and the driver involved. It would be amazing if you could ever meet him – for the sake of both you. I am sure the man must have been devastated.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      I can only imagine, but yes, it would be deeply meaningful to meet him. I’ve been very touched by the many responses. It was published on Huffington Post today, and I can only hope the responses there are as kind. Thank you for taking the time!

      Like

      Reply
  141. transitionstande says:
    December 2, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    And…I am very sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers, Fiona

    Like

    Reply
  142. CometoPapa says:
    December 2, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Hey everyone.
    I just recently started blogging. My blogs are about media law, its not boring, I promise ya. However, ur likes, comments and FOLLOWS would really help me! 🙂

    Btw very good blog, very entertaining OP!

    THANK YOU!

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 2, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to advertise your blog on my comments section. I’m not sure this post was “entertaining,” did you read it? My advice, as someone who’s done it for a while, and has done pretty well at it: connect with other bloggers. Don’t just drop by and toot your own horn. Not many of us are likely to visit your blog, when we feel used. Either way, I wish you well in blogging…

      Like

      Reply
  143. mommyplanet912 says:
    December 2, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    This is so beautifully written. I lost my biological father when I was only 4 months old and didn’t find out the truth until I was 13. I tried searching him online well the death at least and found an article on the death and all that. It was so sad to read and I was angry. I wanted to know answers after all these years. I found the name of the man that killed him, how I still want to find him in whatever pit he is rotten in and demand answers. Would my life be different had he been alive? I am 21 years old now, I have a 2 year old with my boyfriend of 7 years and I am in college. I guess things didn’t turn out as bad after all 🙂 Glad I found your post. Take care

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 2, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      Thanks so much for your very personal response – What a truly challenging set of events. I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t believe that finding answers always helps, but I do agree that your life sounds full and hopefully happy. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and share your own experience.

      Like

      Reply
  144. D. Nicole Teague says:
    December 2, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Forgiveness is a powerful action, though it took some years you were very brave and strong to give your forgiveness. I aspire to be more forgiving, especially for the little things. I hope that you find him. http://givingmybestblog.wordpress.com

    Like

    Reply
  145. dividenddreamer says:
    December 2, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    To free yourself from the weight that you have carried for so many years will allow to see the memories of your father ever more clearly. Like you mentioned, you can only guess how life would have turned out if that day was different. However, you have 10 years of wonderful memories that you can now see in full view. Good for you. I wish you all the best this and every holiday season.

    Robert the DividendDreamer

    Like

    Reply
  146. Foto300 says:
    December 2, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Reblogged this on foto300 and commented:
    Un artículo único…la importancia del perdón.

    Like

    Reply
  147. kaileynicole says:
    December 2, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Wow, this brought me to tears. Not just the few that slowly fall from your eyes, but the kind that pour out and leave you breathless. You’re a strong woman!

    Like

    Reply
  148. lavande touch says:
    December 2, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    Nice post!

    Like

    Reply
  149. AlleyStories says:
    December 3, 2014 at 1:06 am

    Firstly, thank you for sharing something so personal. It’s amazing how you put the past behind. How your long built hatred changed into a silent understanding.

    If I were to name you as a character in my stories, perhaps you would be The Forgiving. 🙂 have a great day.

    Like

    Reply
  151. labellechloe says:
    December 3, 2014 at 3:00 am

    This is absolutely beautiful! I can identify how u feel since my mom passed away in a car accident when I was 10 as well. They are always with us, that I can tell

    Like

    Reply
  152. Danika Maia says:
    December 3, 2014 at 7:07 am

    i’ve never experienced a loss like yours but this post hit home for me because I’m not the best at letting go of old grudges. Thank you for this and I’m sorry for your pain.

    Danika
    http://www.danikamaia.com

    Like

    Reply
  153. stephsgrn says:
    December 3, 2014 at 7:52 am

    This brought me to tears! Beautiful, i will reblog!!

    Like

    Reply
  154. stephsgrn says:
    December 3, 2014 at 7:53 am

    Reblogged this on The Voices In My Head and commented:
    Very moving, emotional and touching post! Please read..

    Like

    Reply
  155. ReynoldRV9 says:
    December 3, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    Reblogged this on The Reynold RV9 Style and commented:
    A Must read to know the real meaning of “Forgiveness!”

    Like

    Reply
  156. ReynoldRV9 says:
    December 3, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    You must have had a Very tough Heart to write this!..How important Forgivness is a part of human life!

    Like

    Reply
  158. The Activist says:
    December 4, 2014 at 2:55 am

    Excellent Post !
    Learning to live with life is probably harder to do than dealing with death. The most important line and the best line I read was the “I forgive you” at the end.
    I happen to be 51 too and during my life I’ve seen people come and go in life and in death. I was adopted, traced natural parents,lost family in death and through divorce,had a child with cancer,had years of unemployment but through it all I’ve managed to keep perspective and still look to living life with endless possibilities. Writing my blog and living an alternative lifestyle helps me though too (its at http://www.freewilluk.wordpress.com if you’re interested)
    Keep up with the blog and keep smiling 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  159. yemi63 says:
    December 4, 2014 at 3:03 am

    Sooo very moving! So brave of you to do the one thing that we always need to do to heal – forgive and let go of the past. I had a very complex relationship with my Dad, and I can’t remember him without being weighed down with thoughts of what might have been… He died 7 years ago at 81.

    Like

    Reply
  161. greeniechicken says:
    December 4, 2014 at 7:36 am

    Wonderful…I lost my dad too as a young person (25 not 10) and I just think you captured so much here worth reading…

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 4, 2014 at 9:13 am

      I’m so sorry for your loss, greeniechicken. In certain respects, I imagine that would be harder, as a young woman to lose your dad, when there’s so much more life that you’d love to share with him. Again, I’m so sorry. I appreciate you taking the time to visit TFTM and share your experience.

      Like

      Reply
  162. gab7107 says:
    December 4, 2014 at 7:44 am

    It’s a really good thing you no longer carry the anger you once had, its remarkable, actually. I comend you for your bravery and ability to let go of the past. *Virtual hug* 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  163. compusmentis says:
    December 4, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I felt quite emotional reading that. Wow. So heartfelt, full of pain, love and forgiveness. Not everyone could set that pain and anguish aside. Even fewer could share their thoughts so well. I think your Dad is looking down and glowing with pride for you.

    Like

    Reply
  164. seeingbeyondthenatural says:
    December 4, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    This is so amazingly beautiful. The sound of forgiveness and compassion in your letter is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard! I’m so sorry for your loss, but God will make it up to you. He’s already started… by giving you a loving husband and three wonderful kids (though no one can take the place of your precious father). Take care and all the best to you!

    Like

    Reply
  167. Missy's Crafty Mess says:
    December 5, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Wow what a beautifully written post. I could feel each emotion as I read it. I too lost my father in a motorcycle accident. It’s been 14 years and I have finally found peace with it but I clearly remember the anger that goes along with such a loss. I wish you luck in finding the man you are looking for.

    Like

    Reply

  169. Pingback: My Blog is Me, But I Am Not My Blog… | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  172. constancecarlsen1 says:
    December 5, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    You are absolutely right , there is no expiration date when it comes to pain. I still have not grieved for my father and it has been years. I am afraid if i do allow myself to grieve that he will just ” not be” anymore. I feel if I still hurt over his loss that I still have something there, like he is still here. I am not sure if that makes any kind of sense , it does in my head, than again I am an odd thinking person. Your story is inspiring and you are a very strong person to be able to forgive. Do not get me wrong, the man does have a right to be forgiven considering it truly was an accident. i just am not that strong . YET… Thank you for sharing your story.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 5, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      Constance, thank you so much for reading my story and sharing yours. I think forgiveness is a very personal thing, but I was just telling someone very close to me, today, that holding on to grief doesn’t really help anyone, but often holds us back from other emotions, we could be experiencing. Only you can figure that out, but maybe there’s a good way to focus that grief into something that helps you move forward. I think it’s very unlikely that your father will ever be gone; clearly you will always hold him close. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  174. cheekymommy28 says:
    December 5, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    Reblogged this on Cheeky Mommy Says and commented:
    This is so admirable and I sincerely hope this letter finds its way to whom it was meant for.

    Like

    Reply
  175. mrsirajo says:
    December 5, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Very deeply touched story…
    Pray for our father..

    Like

    Reply
  176. thomasisaugustus says:
    December 5, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Reblogged this on thomasisaugustus and commented:
    *sobs*

    Like

    Reply
  177. gracesiaton says:
    December 5, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    This is heart warming. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    Reply
  178. auroen says:
    December 6, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    True wisdom and true strength. You’re an inspiration and I hope that for anyone still clinging to hatred, May they find the peace you have found at last.

    Like

    Reply
  179. Renegade Expressions says:
    December 7, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Wow, amazing story. My eyes welled up.

    Like

    Reply
  180. O. Salim Thornton says:
    December 7, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Wow. Just wow. I will like and share this. You have an amazing heart and are an exmaple of the evolution of thr human psyche. I applaud you. I hope this reaches the intended reader. You’ve also helped me as a writer and fledgling blogger.

    Like

    Reply
  181. O. Salim Thornton says:
    December 7, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Reblogged this on Certified Wellness and commented:
    Time can heal all wounds. The heart and the mind evolve, if you let them. Thanks, Dawn.

    Like

    Reply
  185. huckfinnberry says:
    December 8, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Reblogged this on Huck Finn Berry's Blog and commented:
    Help her find the man she is seeking.

    Like

    Reply
  187. aaronisaac729 says:
    December 9, 2014 at 12:19 am

    This is the most moving piece I’ve read in a long time, thank you for sharing.

    Like

    Reply
  188. Sexual Reminisces says:
    December 9, 2014 at 4:55 am

    Your account really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes, I have shared your message on Facebook. Well done for embracing such a encouraging positive spirit. Keep strong xx

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 9, 2014 at 7:18 am

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this, share your thoughts and then share the post. Ironically, it got a lot less notice on Huffington Post; I was hoping it might be seen by more people there, and perhaps reach the “right” hands. It would be amazing to find the man I wrote it for. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  189. Sexual Reminisces says:
    December 9, 2014 at 5:02 am

    Reblogged this on Sexual Reminisces and commented:
    This article really touched my heart. I have shared this and reblogged it. I sincerely hope that others share this essential message too.

    Like

    Reply
  190. bcarth says:
    December 9, 2014 at 8:50 am

    This is so incredible and I applaud you for being able to find peace, something so many struggle with. This is such a beautiful piece and I hope one day you do manage to find this man so you can find peace together.

    Like

    Reply
  191. Sheila says:
    December 10, 2014 at 2:49 am

    Wow I pray somehow you two have the chance to meet, and I am very sure the burden on the man’s shoulder would finally drop off when he gets to hear you say to him in person that you have forgiven him. Thank you for forgiving him because it is not an easy thing to do. This has touched me immensely

    Like

    Reply
  192. AndiMirandi says:
    December 10, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    All I can say is Wow. You are an amazing woman. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your father, especially at such a young age, but you seem to have turned into a wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful woman. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

    Reply
  193. chengdouxing says:
    December 11, 2014 at 1:38 am

    It’s so brave ur ! It must be hard to forgive a man who changed your whole life.—forgiveness release yourself.

    Like

    Reply
  195. authorbengarrido says:
    December 11, 2014 at 3:05 am

    Reblogged this on Ben Garrido's Author Page and commented:
    This is amazingly touching. The strength you show in letting go of revenge is inspiring.

    Like

    Reply
  196. dmmacilroy says:
    December 11, 2014 at 5:31 am

    Dear Dawn,

    I just wanted you to know that your story touched me and that I know your father is very proud of you. Be at peace.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    Reply
  197. gossamerwhip says:
    December 11, 2014 at 8:52 am

    Words fail me…. but i would like you to know how deeply your letter has touched my heart…. i look for goodness in this world, coz i know it is still out there, it HAS to be…. and when i find little treasures like this, i should feel blessed… and i do…..
    My good wishes with you.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      December 11, 2014 at 9:07 am

      Thank you so much! It has been really amazing to me just how many people have read this, here on WordPress! When it was published on Huffington Post, it barely got noticed. What a wonderful community here; thank you for being a part of that, and for your kind words. They are much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  198. whitni17 says:
    December 11, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Praise God! What a blessing that you have found such healing. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart aches for your pain, yet tears of joy fill my eyes for where you are now. *hugs*

    Like

    Reply
  199. LittleT says:
    December 11, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    What a beautiful example of courage and vulnerability and forgiveness! Thank you for sharing. Your letter really touched my heart. Bless you for being so brave and open!

    Like

    Reply
  200. dragonslut says:
    December 13, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Ouch touched a nerve…but I thinks it’s brilliantly written xx

    Like

    Reply

  201. Pingback: Following Jen’s Lead: 60 Things I’m Grateful For in 2014 (in 10 minutes) | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  202. kahdrxjosh says:
    December 16, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Reblogged this on tkndproductions.

    Like

    Reply
  203. winterschild67 says:
    December 16, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Reblogged this on Michelle Not Shelly and commented:
    I’m hoping to help this woman locate the man she’s seeking. This is a great story and one I think most people can relate to. One simple incident causes ripples that are felt decades later.

    Like

    Reply
  204. Willowwisp says:
    December 16, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Reblogged this on Willowwisp74 and commented:
    👍love it

    Like

    Reply
  205. Jessie Boisvert says:
    December 19, 2014 at 6:42 am

    WOW !!! This was so nice to read even thou I needed a box of tissues on hand thanks for sharing this.

    Like

    Reply
  206. Nan Falkner says:
    December 20, 2014 at 3:22 am

    Dear Dawn, I had no idea that you went through this. I am so very sorry that you really never knew your father. My Dad was wonderful, but I did lose him when I was 32 of a heart attack. Somehow, I always thought I was robbed of my Daddy. Walking through the airport the night he died, I noticed all the men that were my Dad’s age (he was 61) and thought to each one of them “Why couldn’t it have been you and not my Dad? Silly thought by a young woman with four young children and a wonderful husband. I was mad at the world and yes, I was mad at God for taking him too.soon – I wanted him for my mother, my boys and my sister and her family.
    God Bless you Dawn! I have known you for a year now and it has been rewarding on my part for sure. Merry Christmas sweetie! Nan

    Like

    Reply
  208. Sandra says:
    December 22, 2014 at 9:00 am

    A beautiful post Dawn. So very well written and so much from the heart. Well done.

    Like

    Reply
  209. solarey says:
    December 26, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Reblogged this on sola rey.

    Like

    Reply
  210. wezzie1975313 says:
    December 26, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    This is an amazing letter. I wish you all the best with your search. I’m sorry you went through all that you did in the past but I’m happy for you that it has molded you into the person you are. Your very courageous and may God bless you endlessly. Happy Holidays

    Like

    Reply

  214. Pingback: On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him | rxarzln

  215. theblogwoman says:
    December 29, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Thank you for this story. There are passages I found my eyes moving very slow through and then reading again because although our stories are not the same, I saw my thoughts on your page. Your forgiveness is very powerful. New follower, here 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  216. rbbjr says:
    December 29, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Reblogged this on R.B.Bailey Jr and commented:
    I’ve read several stories, where a victim’s family wants to make peace with the person or people who took their loved one away. A brave act indeed.

    Like

    Reply
  217. swrwade says:
    December 31, 2014 at 6:48 am

    Reblogged this on Ramblings of a Barren Heart and commented:
    If you know this person please let the author know so she can speak with him.

    Like

    Reply
  218. trishnanamchoom says:
    January 1, 2015 at 7:26 am

    “pain doesn’t always have an expiration date” this is so beautiful! it feels like i am letting go and also in some way receiving forgiveness. you are a very brave person! and it hurts my heart to know about the hole in your lives.

    Like

    Reply
    • talesfromthemotherland says:
      January 1, 2015 at 10:42 am

      Trish, thank you so much for your very kind words. I think that grief is enduring, but we heal. I am a stronger person for the things I’ve grieved. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work, and for visiting Tales From the Motherland. I appreciate your lovely feedback.

      Like

      Reply
  219. Urban Diva says:
    January 1, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    Incredible writing Dawn. I wrote a similar letter when i was younger, “to cancer” who took my father when i was only three months old. There is so much healing in writing this. I applaud you and send you much love.

    Like

    Reply
  220. sambix says:
    January 3, 2015 at 11:39 pm

    Reblogged this on sambix.

    Like

    Reply
  221. may says:
    January 5, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    Reblogged this on No Filter May.

    Like

    Reply

  222. Pingback: On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him | thoughtfulstroll

  223. thoughtfulstroll says:
    March 23, 2015 at 10:15 am

    Forgiveness is a powerful blessing. I re-blogged this! I just wrote something similar about forgiving my abusive ex-husband. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Like

    Reply

  224. Pingback: Announcing the #BlogHer15:Experts Among Us Voices of the Year honorees! | My Blog

  225. Pingback: Life Is Funny That Way… | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  226. The Laughing Duck says:
    April 14, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    I can’t imagine that if and when this man reads this letter, how he would feel then.

    Thank you for sharing this

    (:

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  227. hbksloss says:
    April 15, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    Great piece on forgiveness, struggle and love. It motivates me to finally write and a violent death my family experienced years ago. Will need to see if I’m ready to pick at that scab out not….

    Like

    Reply

  228. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Burnin’ Down The House | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  229. Jan Brown says:
    April 19, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Dawn,

    What a moving piece, packed with deep emotions, touching remembrance, and genuine forgiveness. Wonderfully inspirational!

    Recognition of this article is well deserved!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  230. Pingback: Reclaiming My Dad, On Father’s Day | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  231. Pingback: Reclaiming My Dad On Father's Day - Democratsnewz

  232. Pingback: Reclaiming My Dad On Father's Day - GANGUPON

  233. Pingback: Putting Your Best Foot Forward at BlogHer’15 | TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

  234. mariaholm says:
    September 18, 2015 at 1:04 am

    Dear Dawn! I know that it’s a long list of comments, but I too would like to thank you for this heartfelt and honest post on your loss of your father. I would like to make a pingback to your post in a future post on helping children to come through grieving. Love from Maria ( a former Health Visitor)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply