Friday Fictioneers: Heaven or Hell?


friday-fictioneersWelcome to Friday Fictioneers, the best flash fiction in town! Each week– on Wednesday, not Friday, writers from all over the world throw their hats in the ring, and respond to a photo prompt. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields leads our merry band, and this week the very talented Adam Ickes provides the muse. Join us or check out other stories, on Rochelle’s blog, Addicted to Purple.

Again, this is a continuation of a story that started last September. IF you are interested, you can check out he previous chapters: here, here, here, here and here.  As always, I appreciate constructive or thoughtful feedback.

I have been remiss in thanking and following through on some kind and generous blogging “awards.” One just came from our own Friday Fictioneers’ community. Karen Whitelaw was wonderful to bestow upon me the “Field of Flower’s Award.”  I was very touched, and I love flowers!  I’m honored that she appreciates my work.  As many of you know, I do not answer questions anymore for awards. It’s all been said on my blog, and I can barely keep up with comments (I answer them all) and posts! That said, I am grateful for the nod, from a blogging peer. Each week I look forward to Karen’s Friday Fictioneers’ story. On her blog, A Writer’s Life, she shares her FF stories as well as all things writerly. Her recent post on verbs was wonderful! You should make a point of checking it out too, and make sure you read her story this week… it is always worth the time!  I’ll give it some thought, and be sure to pass it on.

Now, on to this week’s story!

© Adam Ickes

© Adam Ickes

(99 words)

The vistas never ceased to amaze her. Beauty abounds, Marjorie thought, daily. She longed for Henry, but understood he had his own life to live; it might be years before he joined her. She wondered if he might meet someone new; then, whom would he choose?

“You will find them at the end of the pier.” The words had floated on the breeze, mysteriously left for her. An endless wait, taking in the beauty around her– hoping that Henry would find her.  “This is not the Heaven I imagined!” – she cried to the spectacular, but empty landscape.

*          *          *

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About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
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68 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: Heaven or Hell?

  1. claireful says:

    I was a bit slow on the uptake with this one, and I didn’t see the last line coming until I read it. A beautiful place for heaven.

    Like

    • It’s a continuation of the previous story, and it did occur to me that maybe it would be too vague, to those who hadn’t read those… or don’t remember them. I probably should have spent more time on it, Claire. :-p Thanks for the feedback, and the time you took for my story. Much appreciated.

      Like

  2. Good story as usual, and also well written as usual, Dawn. Congratulations on your latest award!

    Like

  3. K.Z. says:

    congratulations dawn! the last heart-wrenching line took me by surprise.

    Like

  4. I doubt that any of us have the slightest idea what heaven will actually be like, but I’m OK with that. 🙂 Your ending surprised me.

    janet

    Like

    • Well, that is 4 comments in a row… the votes are in, and the story didn’t really work. I’ve tried to make sure that each chapter of this story, stands on its own; this one maybe didn’t work out. I appreciate your time; thanks Janet!

      Like

  5. You’re one busy lady and if I might add-an inspiration because we new bloggers all begin in an “empty landscape.” Thank you for collecting all your treasures from around the world and storing them here.
    AnnMarie

    Like

  6. El Guapo says:

    Great addition to the tale!

    Like

  7. hugmamma says:

    Heavenly tale. I too wonder about the hereafter, although without any clear expectations. Just peace from life’s rat race…

    Like

  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    Wonderful job of packing an emotional punch into so few words!

    Like

  9. Oh this took me by surprise.. the waiting .. and uncertainty..

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  10. HaHa. Made me smile. Surely awkward social situations don’t exist in heaven? I hope it isn’t ”the other place?”

    Like

  11. Great story Dawn I think we must have great minds my story explores a similar concept. Well done.

    Like

  12. JackieP says:

    Nice story, we all have different concepts of ‘heaven’, this is not a bad one.

    Like

  13. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Heaven or Hell? | ugiridharaprasad

  14. Adam Ickes says:

    That doesn’t really sound like much of a Heaven at all. Sounds more like Purgatory with all the uncertainty and doubt.

    Like

  15. erinleary says:

    I liked how hopeful she was – it felt good.

    Like

  16. Sandra says:

    Nice piece, Dawn. I didn’t realise it was a continuation so I think for me it lost some of its impact, but I couldn’t fault it in any way. Well done..

    Like

    • I have gotten that from a few now… I did mention in the intro, and provided links… same story I’ve been telling. However, it’s good feedback, Sandra. It should stand on its own, and clearly it doesn’t. I’ll have to be more mindful in future additions to the story. Thanks for your honest feedback, Sandra. It always helps me as a writer!

      Like

  17. What an interesting idea of Heaven, Dawn. I’m with Adam, but what a resilient character she is to see beauty in it every day.
    And thank you so much for the wonderful things you said about my blog. I appreciate your kindness.

    Like

    • YOU are the kind one, Karen. Thanks again for the honor of the flower award. 😀

      I think this piece didn’t stand on its own, well enough, as several readers have noted. The continuation of a story is a tricky deal…especially when spread out so much. I’ll have to look at that for any future additions to this tale. Thanks!

      Like

  18. susanissima says:

    An opening with many possibilities.

    Like

  19. rgayer55 says:

    Well, they say you have to stay on the straight and narrow path to get there, but I hope not to be as lonely as Majorie once I arrive. Great take on the prompt.

    Like

  20. Amy Reese says:

    So, am I to understand that Henry is not there as she had hoped! Then, definitely not a heaven for her. I hope that this isn’t the end of the line for her. Great work, Dawn. I love this take. I think it works on its own, too.

    Like

  21. DCTdesigns says:

    I liked that Henry wasn’t waiting for her in heaven. Odd I know, that I was glad she was alone. I imagine death, like life, is not always as we expect it to be. But probably exactly what we need. And perhaps she needs a moment to herself before reconnecting. a breather just might be paradise.

    Like

    • Yes! I totally agree, Dana. The general consensus seems to be that this is all wrong, but IF I were to believe in Heaven, and imagine it (as I’m doing here), I have to think that it would have some complexities too. Time might feel different there (ie: a long wait for Marjorie, may only be a blip in life time); expectations might be challenged; there are endless possibilities, I think. Thanks for reading, and for your astute comment. 😉

      Like

  22. Dear Dawn,

    A rather lonely view of heaven. Don’t ask me why, but it suddenly put me in mind of a dear friend who lost his wife two years ago. Recently he met someone and is ready to move on. Well written and raises a lot of questions. Nice when a piece gets the conversation flowing.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • I do like to see my writing provoke conversation… I guess I’m frustrated that I didn’t take enough time to make sure the story held together/stood on its own. Several comments note that they didn’t get it… without the other parts, it didn’t work. That’s something I missed. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Rochelle. I always look forward to your feedback. 🙂 Shalom, Dawn

      Like

  23. Mike Lince says:

    Getting your continuing story 100 words at a time is a bit infuriating, although I make allowances for you as my friend. Like waiting for a favorite author to release a new title, I must say, I am ready to read the manuscript now. If it isn’t ready, just send me a draft, okay? – Mike
    PS – I hope to see you in July. 🙂

    Like

  24. I agree with Marjorie, wondering if the man you love will find someone new doesn’t sound like heaven to me either.

    Like

  25. atrm61 says:

    Only if our imaginations matched the reality-sigh!Poor Marjorie-to be surrounded by such beauty but to be alone-hopefully Henry won’t be too long coming :-)Good job:-)

    Like

  26. MissTiffany says:

    That line – “This is not the Heaven I imagined” – so powerful. I think it’s awesome how you’ve been able to continue this story in little snippets!

    Like

  27. Seems to be an existentialist heaven overflowing with beauty and empty of what is desired 🙂

    Like

  28. So sad. I could say, “Hope he dies soon,” but I won’t.

    Like

  29. Nan Falkner says:

    Great Job~ Love it, Nan

    Like

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