Sparkle on the Water, Dust in the Wind


I am making another effort for the Friday Fictioneers… which, thanks to the patient assistance of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, the creator of FF, and Amy over at The Bumble Files, I think I finally understand. The photo prompt comes out on Wednesday, and then contributors “write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)”

When I saw this photo, I immediately thought of the events of 9/11, as the prompt came out on the anniversary. It is also the High Holidays, in the Jewish religion, and I thought of all the immigrants that came to America, greeted by Lady Liberty.  From those two thoughts, came this story… at 105 words. The story started at 138 words, and try as I did, I could not cut it down any more. Please feel free to leave feedback.

the-boat-and-miss-liberty

Never one to stand on circumstance, Sam held the smooth ceramic jar in his hand. The cool weight struck him— so many memories, and history, a lifetime of complexity and grace, contained within a single jar.

The sun on the water danced and shimmered— a million sparkles against a hazy sky. His sisters watched as Sam carefully removed the lid, stepped to the side of the boat, and tipped the jar.

“She survived the Holocaust, and arrived with only her dreams. Today we say goodbye where those dreams began. We love you Mom.”

Her ashes caught the breeze and then settled on the brilliant water.

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
This entry was posted in 9/11, Blog, Blogging, Death of parent, Jewish, Judaism, Life, My world, Tales From the Motherland, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Sparkle on the Water, Dust in the Wind

  1. unfetteredbs says:

    what a way to set the scene. I really enjoyed this. Fantastic

    Like

  2. Dear Dawn,

    I can see places where you could pare it down to 100 words, but this piece is so stunning it doesn’t really seem worth the effort. A beautiful remembrance of children who appreciated their mother. Lovely.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  3. Lovely. I don’t think you need to worry about slipping over the word count at all. Please come back next week!

    Like

    • Thank you so much Freya. I know it’s not a big deal, but oh how I love the challenge of that 100. I just couldn’t cut it any further. This is my second. Last week was exactly 100, and I hope to get there again next week. I appreciate the encouragement and feedback. 🙂

      Like

  4. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Simply fabulous, Dawn. A beautiful story in 105 words!

    Like

  5. helenmidgley says:

    That was a great little piece, such much emotion neatly packed into a few meaningful words. Great job 🙂

    Like

  6. paulmclem says:

    Some nice phrasing in here. Good job.

    Like

  7. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Dawn,

    I’m crying. That’s about the best comment I an bestow upon your stellar story. I scattered my father’s ashes at sea three years ago and the memories your story evoked have started of my night with a rush of emotion. Excellent work.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  8. denmother says:

    A beautiful story, very well done.

    Like

  9. Dawn,
    What a beautiful, phenomenal story. I wouldn’t change a thing. I especially enjoyed the way you talked about the water in this piece. Really nice!
    Amy

    Like

  10. Janine says:

    I have chills! I loved this story. My heart aches for the families who were touched in some form by the Holocaust. It’s wonderful to remember that many endured.

    Like

    • Thanks so much Janine. Yes, it’s essential to remember that many endured, otherwise, we might all give in to despair. My father in law lost almost all of his family, but he has lived a good life, as have his children. Powerful history. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story, and for your kind feedback.

      Like

      • Janine says:

        My family was in Germany during WWII but they were not Jewish. They hated what was happening to the Jewish people and were horrified to learn about what was going on, but powerless to stop it. They hated everything about Germany then and when their eldest daughter, my aunt, married an American GI and left for America with him, he sponsored the rest of her family (mom,dad,sister – my mom, and even their dog) to come to America. So in 1955 that’s how that side of my family came to America.

        Like

  11. pattisj says:

    Beautiful, emotion-filled story, Dawn, and I really like the title you’ve chosen for it.

    Like

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