Friday Fictioneers 2: What’s Left… (A Poem of Loss)


A total lack of sleep has lead to extra writing. Two weeks in a row, I’m submitting two stories, and hope you humor my enthusiasm. Perhaps redeeming myself for the very dark story, many of you found troubling, last week.  This is also my first try at poetry, here.

Each week on Friday Fictioneers, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields leads a group of writers from all over the globe, in a flash-fiction challenge. A single photo prompt; a story that has a beginning, middle and end; a goal of 100 words– everyone is welcome to participate. Check it out the details, and the wonderful stories in this week’s collection, here.

I always appreciate feedback, positive or constructive. Please leave a comment, and tell me what you think.

© Jean L. Hays

© Jean L. Hays

(97 Words)

In blue seas and calm pools

We swam side by side

Communicating easily, telepathically at times

Like dolphins calling to each other

Through dark or light

Through years and minutes, we

Helped each other weather

The times when seas were rough

And tossed us about.

We laughed at the absurd

And whispered our dreams

Spinning and leaping, through a

Life that is constantly changing

And then you couldn’t hear me

And you didn’t call out to me again

And we are now like dried kelp

Washed up on the shore…

Dolphins no more.

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About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
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44 Responses to Friday Fictioneers 2: What’s Left… (A Poem of Loss)

  1. Whoa! I envy your writing ability. Fabulous!

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  2. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers 2: What’s Left… (A Poem of Loss) | ugiridharaprasad

  3. pattisj says:

    Dried kelp! Love it.

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  4. You’ve used very vivid images to tell this story of love and loss, Dawn. Clever layered writing.

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  5. kz says:

    wow i liked this a lot. it’s so beautiful… and of course the end shattered me.

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  6. A wonderful metaphor of a poem. Life’s rich passage.

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  7. I love a dare! This piece like your first one is also sensual only this time their is the metaphor of the loss of love and relationship, the dried kelp is a powerful image. Great stuff Dawn.

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  8. Honie Briggs says:

    This flows beautifully. It triggered a very personal remembrance for me.

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    • I hope your remembrance isn’t quite so painful, Honie. Loss of a dear friend, a lover, or partner… this just got under my skin. Lacking real poetic ability, it came out as it is. Thanks for reading and sharing… and here’s to both of us letting more difficult memories, fade to the back. 😉

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  9. Dear Dawn,

    It seems to be a slow week, so your enthusiasm is filling in some of the gaps. I hope you are able to sleep though. When I get so exhausted my brain turns to guacamole and I’m tempted to click “delete all”.
    Really nice imagery and feel to this poem. I was disappointed, thought, when the relationship dissolved at the end. Good one.

    Do I hear three?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    • There are three… but I don’t want to be a glutton. I’ve been in the hospital all week, so not sleeping much and keeping difficult hours. When I’m home again, I imagine I’ll be back to my spot at 26 for entries, and one post. That said, some of the prompts do bring very different stories to my head, and being laid low, writing is a wonderful outlet right now. This poem (and I use that lightly, as I am no poet) is less fiction, and sadly describes the painful melting of a very dear friendship… recently. How that lovely dolphin took me there… is a mystery. 😉 Thanks, as always, Rochelle. You truly amaze!

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  10. jwdwrites says:

    You should write more poetry you have a flair for it. It felt like a metaphor and left me feeling a little sad, but that shows you communicated the emotions well. 🙂

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    • Thanks so much! I really appreciate that. I love poetry… my daughter is QUITE talented… my blog in general, however, tends to be very different from the FF writing I do, and I think that’s where my forte really lies. That said, I adore FF and look forward to it all week! Thanks again for the wonderful encouragement… it means a lot! Such a supportive, great environment here.

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  11. Eena says:

    There is something about dolphins that has us all churning up beautiful memories but you wrote a painful ending, which I found no less beautiful. This moves me not so much because it is about loss but because it is about change. The dried kelp will eventually dissolve into energy and swirl back into the universe to create more wonders. 🙂

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    • Exactly! You got it Eena. A painful end to a special friendship… hard to take, but I see it pretty much as you describe. My first story this round (I did 2 again this week) was more erotic and warm… and then this came to me. One image, many thoughts. 😉 Thanks for your wonderful feedback; always appreciated! 🙂

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  12. MissTiffany says:

    Oh, I think I like this second round even better! I read it three times. The last three lines are just golden.

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  13. Glynis says:

    That was wonderful in just so few words, I was left in tears!

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  14. Valery says:

    I couldn’t help thinking that these 2 posts were a continuation of the Henry and Marjorie stories. Either way, they are gorgeous.

    Sending you some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s… ❤

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    • They are not part of that series… but the first could be. The 2nd is about a friendship that has ended, and is still painful. It came to me as I lay here, and realized that friend would once have been front and center in things, and now we are so distant. The imagery came to me, and I had to write it. Thanks Val. xo

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      • Valery says:

        I’m still ruminating on a reply to that friendship post. So deeply moving. Loss of friendship, loss of loved ones – they both share such pain and unwanted enlightenment. Both of the dolphin posts end up on the shore: intriguing! There are so many rich layers in your writing.

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        • I love the way you really read and consider what there is… it means a lot that my work gets that kind of consideration and respect. The friendship post was a hard one to write, but so close to the surface, at the same time. Thanks, Val. I’m so glad our friendship has weathered the years and times. xo

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  15. annisik51 says:

    You wrote of a sad but universal truth and mystery – that one day or another, we will be separated from a loved one, left with only memories. Better make the most of today and make the memories memorable! First attempt at poetry? Well done. Poetry is great discipline for other forms of writing. 🙂

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  16. liz young says:

    I love the way you write – enough to go back and read it again, Thank you

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  17. I had a friendship die like this, Very sad.

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    • It is NEVER easy. Time does make it better… but for me… so slowly, with lots of steps back and forward. Some days, writing it out, is all I can do. 😉 I’m sorry for the loss of your friendship, and appreciate you sharing with me.

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  18. Mike Lince says:

    Not only did I get the sadness that comes when the relationship with someone special comes to an end. I also related to the more universal sense of parting as we prepare to leave a place we have come to love. Even though your writing comes from a personal place, you evoke the emotions in your readers that you must draw upon as you write, and that takes talent. That is why I look forward to your writing each and every week. – Mike

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    • And I, look forward to your wonderful feedback! Always makes me smile, Mike! I imagine leaving Croatia will be a sad thing, with so many unexpectedly sweet things there… but I have no doubt you will be wowing us from Spain, in no time!

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