Friday Fictioneers: Los Viejos, The Old Ones


Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, writers from all over the world are challenged to write a 100-word story, with a beginning, middle and end. Please join us or check out the other wonderful stories Here.

Please Note: This week I am excited and honored that one of my short stories is featured on Tipsy Lit. I was asked to submit a short story, and I chose to expand the story of Marjorie and Henry, which I’ve written in 4 parts for Friday Fictioneers. Their 400-word story is now 1,500 words and can be read on Tipsy Lit, here. If you stop by, please hit Like or leave a comment to let them know they chose wisely. I really appreciate the support! My story “One Mother’s Fairy Tale” also won their weekly prompt challenge last week. Check out that story here. 

I am always grateful for constructive or positive feedback on Friday Fictioneers. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.

© Björn Rudberg

© Björn Rudberg

(99 Words)

The chickens scattered as the woman threw dried corn across the yard.  She kicked the rooster as he pecked her feet. Most days she avoided his sharp beak, but today she was not quick enough and her ajotas provided little protection.

“¡Diablo  ¡Pájaro malvado” You evil bird!

Her husband looked up warily as he went for his machete and hoe. He needed to get the soil turned, to plant crops on time. He moved slowly, his joints aching.

Age was catching up with them, and the steep hills of their Andean home were getting  harder and harder to manage.

**All writing on this page is © copyrighted to Dawn Q. Landau and Tales From the Motherland.  Please check out her work there or on Facebook. Hit like on my FB page, and I am happy to return the favor.

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
Aside | This entry was posted in Aging, Blog, Blogging, blogs, Flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, Honest observations on many things, Tales From the Motherland, Weekly Writing Challenge, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

104 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: Los Viejos, The Old Ones

  1. Adam Ickes says:

    At first, I thought maybe the machete was to take care of the evil bird once and for all.

    Like

  2. znjavid says:

    Hi, just liked your FB page. Do check out mine at https://www.facebook.com/Nadirsbooks

    Like

  3. Very good. You accomplished a lot for that many words. I could almost fee their pain.

    Like

  4. Sandra says:

    The opening paragraph was very graphic. Well done.

    Like

  5. helenmidgley says:

    Great little story and big congrats on the short being picked up 🙂

    Like

  6. Ericka Clay says:

    Dawn, congrats again on winning last week’s Prompted at Tipsy Lit. We’ve enjoyed featuring the piece!

    As for this story, I can see it so vividly which is quite a feat in 99 words. I, too, thought the rooster was going to get it, but you left the ending opening for a possible extension. If you think of making this one longer, I’d certainly be curious to read it. Nice work!

    Like

    • Thanks Ericka; I really appreciate your feedback. I put the link to Tipsy Lit in my intro, in the hopes that some of my fellow FF writers will check it out. In general we are not suppose to advertise or use this site for other things, but I the story you featured today, started out as a FF story… loved expanding it . This one, not sure if I would or not, but it’s a thought! Thanks for the encouragement! I’ll be working on beating Duncan again this week! 😉

      Like

  7. atrm61 says:

    Congrats on your wins:-)Liked the story you came up with Dawn-the rooster seemed very cocky-pecking at his mistress,lol!I liked the fact that the hubby did not decide to make a meal out of the naughty rooster ;D

    Like

  8. Congratulations on your publication. I like the voice of your writing you gave life to your words.

    Like

  9. Jennie Saia says:

    Yes, yes, yes! I love los viejitos!

    Like

    • Do I have the title wrong, teacher? I almost wrote you first to ask! Should it be viejitos? Or is that little, old people? I had to use a translator. :-/ Glad you liked it. the photo made me think of Peru.

      Like

      • Jennie Saia says:

        No, not at all! It’s perfect how you have it! Adding the “ito” ending just makes it a term of endearment, like “the sweet little old people” instead of the usual “the old people.”

        Have you ever been to Peru? It’s on my list.

        Like

        • We went to Peru summer 2012. We went to Machu Picchu and the Amazon. I wrote SEVERAL blog posts about the trip, and our experiences… It was an amazing trip! I loved every minute; would love to go back. I keep saying I’m going to really learn Spanish, so I can travel more in the countries that interest me most. If we went together, you could do all the talking… a miracle some would say. 😉

          Like

  10. kz says:

    i enjoyed the very vivid descriptions of rural life 🙂 again, congratulations on your win. i read your story and think you totally deserved it 🙂

    Like

    • Thanks KZ… I’m going back in this week. The guy who has won the last 14 out of 15 challenged me to a rematch… THAT is where I get ugly. wink wink.I plan to bring it, and I would love some support. Saturday at Tipsy Lit. Thank for the feedback here. 😀

      Like

  11. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Los Viejos, The Old Ones | ugiridharaprasad

  12. Congrats Dawn on your success. I am running late this week so I’ve had to go looking for your FF. Love it as always, except, in this sentence:

    Age was catching up with them and the steep hills of their Andean home was getting harder and harder to manage. – I think was should be were as the verb is referring to the hills – plural – sorry the old English teacher surfaces every so often

    Hope you are keeping well….Michael

    Like

  13. wow this is so sad and yet kind of funny too. That bit about the rooster made me laugh! great job 😀

    Like

  14. Dear Dawn,

    So many comments to echo. Suffice it to say you nailed it. I pictured the elderly couple right down the to pecking chicken and his aching joints. ¡Hermosa!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  15. Cathy Ulrich says:

    I love these vignettes, Dawn. And this is perfect for the challenge. Great job, as always!

    Like

  16. An absolutely lovely story.

    Like

  17. It makes me sad to think how much harder their life is going to get living here as elderly residents.

    Like

  18. Congratulations on your stories! This one is a lovely slice of life that sounds so realistic that I can easily picture them, even if I wouldn’t be able to speak to them. 🙂 Even with the difficult life, I think they are probably happier than many people with much more.

    janet

    Like

  19. Perry Block says:

    Quite a word picture! Even though age is not catching up with me I can totally relate.

    Like

  20. Eena says:

    Que lastima! But I have a feeling they’ll be calling children and grandchildren away from their pastures to help their old bones. Communities such as this one often have large families 🙂

    Like

  21. Nan Falkner says:

    I don’t think I could waste wine on a stupid rooster. Loved your story and I do feel all those aches and pains. You really are a great writer – author. Oh, and congratulations on your stories. Thanks for the memories! (I grew up on a chicken farm) Nan 🙂

    Like

  22. claireful says:

    A beautiful snippet of other people’s lives. Lovely

    Like

  23. A great gentle little snatch of life. Beauty.

    Like

  24. rgayer55 says:

    I felt like I was right there. In fact, I started getting sympathy pains in my joints. Excellent piece, and congratulations on your story in Tipsy Lit.

    Like

  25. MissTiffany says:

    Congrats on getting your story featured on Tipsy Lit! How exciting! 🙂
    I like this story, a peak into the couple’s quiet lives, but at the same time hinting not all is well.

    Like

  26. draliman says:

    A lovely little snippet into the life of these old-timers, still working the soil after all these years.

    Like

  27. This is a nice slice of Andean life. It feels very authentic, down to the aching bones and evil chickens. Mine has chickens, too. Ha ha. Nice one, Dawn!

    Like

  28. JackieP says:

    My body ached with the thought of all that work, day in and day out. Good story.

    Like

  29. hugmamma says:

    Your simple story carries me off to another land, another culture. Who needs a plane?

    Like

  30. wmqcolby says:

    I have been to Central and South America, Mexico, Spain, I could see those countrysides in the story without the prompt. Y escribiste el español muy, MUY bien. Nice work.

    Like

    • Muchas gracias señor! My Spanish is from High School, so I’m glad I didn’t blow it all together! I did some trekking in Peru in the summer of 2012 and saw a lot of homes like this as well. Each week is wonderful challenge! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment; it’s much appreciated.

      Like

  31. Subroto says:

    You’ve captured a slice of reality in that post. What may be a beautiful tourist spot might mean entirely something else to the locals instead.

    Like

  32. Everyne loves it when individuals get together and share
    views. Great blog, continue the good work!

    Like

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