Friday Fictioneers: After Work


What a prompt! When I saw it on Wednesday, I knew just where I’d go. This photo from Liz Young really haunts! However, we were away for our 30th anniversary, and no wi-fi or electronics except in our room… we were too busy to sit around long enough for me to write and post. So, I’m sending this in late, and looking forward to seeing what others did with this one. As always, thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for running this weekly group of Kool Kats. Stop by her blog for more details. As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback. Please leave a comment.

broken-face-liz

© Liz Young

Lilly smiled as she handed the man his burger-deluxe. He winked and she blushed; Lilly wasn’t sure how to respond to older men. He gave her the creeps, but she smiled again, politely, and handed him his change.

Four hours later, Buck Johnson wiped his hands on a Burger House apron. As the sun sank, he kicked dirt over the petite brunette’s naked body, and zipped up his fly.

“Stupid bitch–– shouldn’t lead a man on.”

Lilly stared off into the pale sky, a frozen smile on her lips. She’d never known how to deal with older men.

(98 words)

*     *     *

GIPYKAPOW!  I didn’t meet the 2016 goal for Likes on the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page; missed it by 14! So this year, I’m not setting a goal. I’m grateful for each Like I get. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email,  no spam.

©2017  All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!

 

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
Aside | This entry was posted in Blogging, Death, Honest observations on many things, Tales From the Motherland, Wrting and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: After Work

  1. neilmacdon says:

    The inside of your head is an interesting place, Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sandra says:

    That was starkly shocking, Dawn. I’m almost speechless.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Michael Wynn says:

    Very shocking, the delivery was perfect to create the shock and response, great skill in the writing

    Like

  4. Iain Kelly says:

    Shocking and chilling with his casual violence. Writing that makes a definite impact. Well done.

    Like

  5. liz young says:

    You’ve had this story stuck in your head for four whole days? I bet you’re glad to get it out and written! Excellent, though nasty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, to be honest Liz, this specific story wasn’t there… that happened in just minutes. But, the photo is SO amazing, I could feel a dark story coming. That photo really haunts me; so, hats off to you!

      Like

  6. Cathy Ulrich says:

    I agree with Liz, Dawn. Excellent, though nasty. On a different note, Happy Anniversary. We should take a few minutes to catch up on the phone soon! 2017 has been crazy so far!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Carrie Rubin says:

    Wow, that one’s raw and dark. Does exactly what writing should do: invokes a strong reaction. Made me shudder. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This one sends chill down my spine… and being an older man myself I feel I want to chop his *** into little pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. gahlearner says:

    A nasty murder with some victim blaming thrown in. Excellent but painful story, Dawn. And Happy Anniversary.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Nahid Markosian says:

    OMG!

    Like

  11. The photo, then your story – I’ve been to a horror movie!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Dear Dawn,

    When you go dark, you don’t fool around, do you? Chillingly well written.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  13. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: After Work | ugiridharaprasad

  14. rgayer55 says:

    Well, I suppose if she hadn’t smiled she would’ve needing killing for bad customer service. Poor girl. Looks like she no longer has to worry about how to deal with older men.

    Like

  15. HonieBriggs says:

    Gut check! Clean up on aisle five. You brought the Wap Pow with this one, Dawn.

    Happy Anniversary.

    Like

  16. Oh dear! My dinner is turning over in my tummy in a bad way 😦

    Like

  17. ajpetiprin says:

    I knew upon seeing picture it was going to be harsh. The short
    Story was right to the point. Captivating ! Love
    Your work. Have found and followed you for some time We have a mutual friend, Dara

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Dark, yes. And well done. But I’d have him zip his fly and then kick the dirt over the body. But that’s just me. Very well done, actually.

    Like

  19. easymensfashion says:

    gosh that picture creeped me out

    Like

  20. ceayr says:

    Good grief, Dawn, this is hugely unsettling.
    Fabulous piece of writing.
    And, re comment above, please don’t change a word.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much CE. I do appreciate feedback, and often consider edits, after a piece is done… that said, I spent a lot of time thinking about the order of this unsettling, “nasty” bit of writing. I feel like there’s a whole, much bigger story in there–– and I’m making no changes, for now. Thanks for the wonderful comment; it’s always appreciated.

      Like

  21. Very dark and tightly packed. You ran a straight line from start to end, without one word out of place. Amazing as ever!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Oh my, this is a big nightmare of mine. I smile a lot and find that people … well, men … misinterpret that, sometimes. This one struck a dark, and evilness that does seem to be out there. You captured the whole thing is less than 100 words … BRAVO.

    Liked by 1 person

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