Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left


(Aaaand, once again, I forgot to add my post to the link up!)

I missed a week, recovering from my trip to Israel and the March on Washington. Hard to wrap my brain around so many things right now…

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for rallying whatever, whatever the mood or weather! Find details on her blog and join us! Thanks to Roger Bultot for the wonderful inspiration.  As always, I welcome honest, constructive feedback.

roger-bultot-flower

© Roger Bultot

 

What’s Left

Your footsteps echo on the empty street. Even as I hide behind the curtain, the smell of you lingers in this room. I cry out, a silent scream–– please don’t go. But you disappear around the corner and emptiness fills the space.

How did we drift so far, that I didn’t see your empty smiles and vacant eyes?

The cat rubs her back along my leg, and a guttural sob erupts from my constricted chest. Stop! Don’t touch me.

The cold coffee shakes in my cup, and I pour it into the orchid you once nurtured–– both of us abandoned.

(100 words)

*     *     *

GIPYKAPOW!  I didn’t meet the 2016 goal for Likes on the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page; missed it by 14! So this year, I’m not setting a goal. I’m grateful for each Like I get. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, LeBron James does (yes, for real)! Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. Honest, constructive feedback is always appreciated. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email,  no spam.

©2017  All content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, I’m grateful, but please give proper credit and Link back to my work; plagiarism sucks!

 

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
Aside | This entry was posted in Honest observations on many things and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left

  1. Ooo. I love where you went with that. Caught me by surprise in the best way. So raw and honest.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. HonieBriggs says:

    It’s in the air, isn’t it? Sad juju all around this week. Except maybe Russell’s chicken runner. I like the way you completely lay out the emptiness.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Very powerful, Dawn. The ‘don’t touch me’ screamed at the cat heightened the emotion a lot for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: What’s Left | ugiridharaprasad

  5. Cathy Ulrich says:

    So many wonderful senses in this, Dawn. “Your footsteps echo, the smell of you lingers, emptiness fills the space.” This is a great piece. When I saw the title in my inbox, I thought your story might have something to do with politics? And maybe I’m just searching from my own pain, but this is a great piece about loss and evokes similar feelings to what many of us are feeling about our beloved country… Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much Cathy. While this is fiction, it definitely comes from that darker place where many of us are living right now. I didn’t want to go political, but it definitely impacts all I do right now. Sigh. xo

      Like

  6. Sandra says:

    The prompt has certain brought out the melancholic in many of us this week, Dawn. Very nicely crafted tale of the breakdown of a relationship.

    Like

  7. neilmacdon says:

    Beautifully written and heart wrenching, Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Dawn,

    There’s something about the cat rubbing up against her leg in the midst of her despair that caused a catch in my throat. I felt this scene down to my toes. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Amazing piece of art. I love the way you set up the scene. By the way, when I reached the last paragraph I was like, “Please no, don’t be the end, please!” and when I saw it was the end, “I want more, pleaseee” I wish you had written more! Great piece of art. Congrats. Keep on moving, never let any obstacles stop or slow you down. You are strong. Thank you very much for writing and for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. rgayer55 says:

    I hope it wasn’t an unpleasant smell. After all, he did shower just before Thanksgiving, and it’ll soon be time for another one with Easter coming up. Maybe he just went out to get her some chocolates for Valentines Day.

    Like

  11. I liked that you never gave away the gender of the narrator. The reader, man or woman, can identify with the pain. As others mentioned, the sensitivity to the cat’s touch nailed it. And cold coffee, what’s more depressing and forlorn than that? Great work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much Kecia! I appreciate the specific feedback; it helps me determine if I met my own writing goals. I intentionally left the narrator unclear… I think pain, and loss can be felt by anyone. While the cold coffee was deliberate, I would venture that most stay at home mothers know cold coffee as a norm. 😉 Thanks so much for stopping by Tales From the Motherland, and thanks for your wonderful feedback; it’s much appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Dale says:

    What a beautifully written piece, Dawn. You captured that whole scene to perfection!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. jellico84 says:

    A well-written tale of woe. Good one! 🙂 ❤

    Like

  14. writelindy says:

    So sad. I could feel the desperation. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. liz young says:

    Eveyone’s so sad this week! I wonder if coffee is good or bad for orchids?

    Like

  16. This is beautifully done. Like others, the cat did it for me. As a cat owner, I felt that the rub could either be welcome or annoying, depending on the woman’s mood.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:

    I felt her heartbreak and feeling of being abandoned. Like the others her screaming at the cat expressed her emotions beautifully.

    Like

  18. wmqcolby says:

    Wow! Lyrical and heartbreaking. And the coffee into the orchid? Perfect period to the end of the story.
    Wonderful, Dawn! Just great!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. plaridel says:

    adding the cat to the scene made it all the more relatable. well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I feel we saw the same sadness in the street and the flower… taking revenge on the orchid… (yes I can imagine you would do that)

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Powerful piece full of emotion, Dawn. I felt empathy for her sufferings. Such good writing. My daughter and her friends were in the Chicago March. It was second in size to the DC march. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  22. Michael Wynn says:

    You create a great feeling of sadness and regret

    Like

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