The Middle… The U.N. Full Assembly

For new readers:  This year we took in two foreign exchange students, known here as China (16, boy) and Denmark (16, girl), making our home the U.N. for ten months.  Our youngest son, Little Man (15), represents the U.S.  Our middle son, Middle Man (19, soph. in college) attended high school in Canada and so represents Canada.  Our eldest daughter, Principessa (22, a Sr in college) spent 1.5 yrs in Israel, so represents her spiritual home, Israel, at the U.N.  As head of this multi-National group, and the writer of this blog, I am the Secretary General. I try my best to rule with a fair and steady hand and to find humor whenever possible. There’s plenty of it… but some days, well…

Things at the U.N. have chugged along at warp speed as all Nations have returned to the table for the holiday break.  Frankly, the term “break” is ridiculous. Obviously it is a trial of wills for parents all over and a break only for the kids who are out of school. Israel, Canada, U.S., China and Denmark are all home for the holidays and issues continue to be generated and resolved in ways that cause all kinds of outcomes.

Meals at the U.N. are a pain in the ass interesting: China dislikes cheese and likes everything as spicy as possible; he hates salad.  Denmark hates cheese (go figure!) but eats anything else.  U.S. hates all cheese but fake, processed slices; and is the most picky eater. No tomatoes or potatoes either: except fries and ketchup, or tomato sauce.  Huh? Canada is a vegetarian. Israel is gluten free, and keeps kosher.  It is a daily challenge for the Secretary General, who makes all* meals for the group.  *Israel makes all of her own food in order to make sure it remains kosher.  The Secretary General continue to maintain that one can live on Cheez-Its… especially when she can play word games with them as she eats them.

With so many Nations involved, faithful dog Luke just crosses his legs and hopes that someone will walk him, feed him or pour water in his dish. These things are complicated with more hands to help, contribute around. Sitting around. Sitting on their hands, apparently.

<— Sweet, sweet Luke. Ten years old and still putting up with this stuff!

While Israel has always enjoyed favored relations with the Secretary General, situations in the Middle East have been volatile at best, in the past year. Both sides continue to work toward resolutions, but despite best efforts, conflicts continue. The U.N hopes to see Peace in the region soon. Both sides are making efforts.

Predictable fronts have moved in from Canada. Warm flows follow cold spells, and despite its desire to be seen as neutral and easy, Canada remains an enigma, known more for its shifts than anything else.

Relations between China and the US have hit some rough patches of late. Denmark has made multiple attempts at conflict resolution, but has fallen upon saying: “Just stop it!” All conflicts are  ridiculous minor, but two super powers were bound to hit some stalemates.

Conflicts over how to gain world dominance have put relations at Risk at times. While Denmark’s tendency to laugh at US  folly, brought a complete stand-off at one point, China and Denmark agree that U.S. does not handle Risky matters well.  It’s been determined, that for now:  Nations are better able to deal with Monopolys than Risk further break downs in relations.

All Nations were present for the first night of Hanukkah: celebrated on the village green and then at the public library. This was followed by a dinner out at an Asian restaurant that all but Israel could agree on. Afterwards, candles were lit at home and the Secretary General gave each Nation a book, that suited their individual preferences. It was a festive evening all around and while some would not wear the glowing menorah necklaces that were handed out, general good cheer was shared around the globe.

Decorating the tree was a first for China, who immediately noticed the chili ornaments and placed them prominently on the tree. This has traditionally been Canada’s roll (his favorite ornaments), but Canada was of course gracious. No worries, eh.

Denmark felt compelled to point out frequently, that she was surprised that Americans don’t put real, lit candles on their Christmas trees. This brought a lot of response from U.S., Israel and Canada. Canada: “We generally avoid putting fire on a dead tree.”  Israel:  “Are there a lot of reports of home fires, from trees catching on fire over the holidays?” Denmark: “Well, there are some. Once my grandmother’s clothes caught fire…”  Canada: “Don’t mind Grandma’s flaming shirt;  the tree looked really pretty!”   Denmark has had some trouble defending this particular cultural tradition.

Denmark and Secretary General delivered nearly $8500 (market value, we’re told) worth of baby food that we got in a major scoop this week, at a Market going out of Business (See Countdown to Holiday Spirit…). All of the food went to a domestic violence women’s shelter and the Food Bank, in town. Denmark and Sec. Gen.  made fools of themselves doing a Happy Dance every chance they got.

China and U.S. are sharing a room while Canada is at the Assembly. Contrary to world news, China’s environmental policies are much cleaner than U.S. Outcome remains to be seen.

Hubby returned safe and bearded from Chile. Hmm, perhaps Chile is the newest nation?  Chile garnered chilly responses from the Secretary General for sharing too many thoughts on how things should be done… better. That’s Madame Secretary General to you, Chile.

U.N. support for Canada was unanimous regarding this car at the movie theater. Having expressed some anti-Canada sentiments in my Oh Canada post, I can see how someone might park this vehicle at say Costco. This seemed extreme to all Nations.  I only went so far as to sing some South Park tunes… This crosses a line. Way to make the U.S. look bad Mr. Supersize-gas guzzling-weapon bearing-making up for a small penis-not even parked properly in the parking spot- driver!

Debates continue on how to pronounce words/names (CH: Krara DK: KLarreh CH: Krlara, etc); holiday traditions are being challenged, compared and shared; Israel and Canada are by far messier than other nations (there, I said it); the Secretary General is close to the Edge (just worth repeating to share this link again); Hanukkah is well underway and Christmas just around the corner. We will have spiral ham and latkes on Christmas day…. and that just about sums up the lunacy at the U.N.


Stop! Really. Read this.  Please note:  If you enjoy these posts hit “Like” and make me smile. It also helps my blog grow and that is the point. Go back and hit Like.  Thanks. Then, be nice and “Share” them with others; ’tis the season. Better yet Like them; Share them and then do something nice for yourself: “Subscribe.” You won’t get any spam, you can sign up with an anonymous name (I won’t know who you are, unless you tell me),  and you will get an email each time I post.  Think of it as a Holiday gift to yourself.  You know you want to. Go ahead, make my day (sorry about the gun, but this is serious business).

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
This entry was posted in Blog, Christmas, Daily Observations, Hanukkah, High School, Holidays, Honest observations on many things, Humor, Life, Mothers, Musings, My world, Parenting, Sarcasm, Teens, The U.N., Women's issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Middle… The U.N. Full Assembly

  1. Great post. Happy Hannukah & Merry Christmas to the entire UN.


    • Same to you Cycling… I’m sure you only celebrate Christmas now (?) but a friend shared the term “double dipper” with me and I loved it! May your season be bright and thanks for joining me on this journey this year. 🙂


  2. jillcoburnmay says:

    Great post. Norway approves.


  3. Maryanne says:

    Loved how you left in the “crossed out words”. Great post and fun reading.


  4. Pingback: Tales From The Motherland has been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award! « Tales from the Motherland

  5. Nan Falkner says:

    I actually enjoyed reading this a lot! You are so clever and witty! Thanks Dawn! Nan



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