An old friend sent me an email a few weeks back, just after I bruised my
baby car. She advised that I use lots of caution driving for a while, as my current distraction could potentially lead to more problems. She’d gone through something similar, a few years back. She told me to curtail any multi-tasking while driving (good advise regardless), and to just be more alert. Hmm, well, she’s been absolutely dead on, where driving’s concerned. I’ve definitely caught my mind wondering lately, while at the wheel. A few more honks when the light has just turned green (from my vantage point), or not watching the “gap” as well, when pulling out into traffic. I have prided myself on being a good driver, for years now. I do like to drive fast; but I had a perfect record for 10 years, and now I don’t. Parking no less. Ugh. (Which would support my belief that I can still drive fast, but not park as well for a while…) So, I’m staying inside a little more, until this passes.
There is no doubt that December doubled up, perhaps tripled up, in the stress departments. One major health crisis/dilemma for me; husband out of the country for 2+ weeks just before The Holidays (a universal stressor) and during my health crisis; three family members with the stomach flu (starting Christmas day); husband needed 2 trips to the hospital, once for surgery, in one week; a deadline to submit a novel I worked a very long time on; 5 kids in the house; and my mother dying. Hello? If you read this post enough, you know that I’ve been known to call the Universe the B word recently, and I feel justified. The stress in 2011, overall, was amped way up… pretty much all year. It just seemed that I was in a true shit storm (see Chaos Rains in a Shit Storm), with no umbrella.
So the magical thinking? Well, I truly believe that the timing of my mom’s death was prophetic. There were a lot of very meaningful things that transpired in those finals hours and days before Mom died, but she died on the final day of 2011, just in time for me to participate in a very meaningful event, and then push on through to a new year. My sister and I couldn’t help but feel that she was truly handing us a clean slate; freedom to move forward and not face another year guessing, second guessing and flailing in the stormy waters of her illness and decline. The timing was truly magical. Had she died even a half hour later, many of the amazing things that happened on the 31st, could not have occurred. Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt as free to move on, if there wasn’t that symbolic New Start, New Year… 2012… the year that the Mayans say it’s all gonna end.
That’s right, the
Bitch Universe messed with me all 2011, and now the Mayans have predicted that it’s all gonna end on December 21, 2012. It, being all of it: the world, life as we know it… That’s what some sources state. There are certainly all kinds of nut cases interesting people out there who believe this stuff, and think we are on the brink of the apocalypse. Some of them have made lots of money, in the face of the destruction of the world (see Harold Camping for a laugh, DON’T see 2012, the movie). There’s a lot of amazing stuff out there about this potential collapse, but frankly I’m ok. I welcomed 2012 convinced that good things are ahead. Sure, I’m a bit banged up and bruised right now. I’m still pulling my boot straps up, for sure, but I am optimistic. Do you hear that Universe: I AM OPTIMISTIC!
I wrote my book, I sent it to a publisher. Will it get published? Who knows, but I did it! I saw my Mom through to a meaningful end. I’m at peace with that. I miss her, I wish it had all been different, but given the cards dealt, I’m at peace with that too. I’m seeing several people I care about come into really exciting, new things: several love matches that seem right for a change, career moves that excite, a daughter on the edge of graduation and a big, exciting world to explore. Personally, I’ve been working on change, and I feel ready to try some things on. I am moving out of patterns that don’t work, away from people and things that don’t bring me joy. I’m excited to move forward and grow. Optimism, baby, optimism.
Despite a glut of posts recently that were not always upbeat, I feel like it has all been part of a bigger metamorphosis. It seems to me that an awful lot of people I know are going through similar challenges and similar new outlooks right now. Whether it’s a collective transformative phase, as prophesied by some 2012 theories, or just the way life unfolds coincidentally/naturally/as it should… I feel prone to some Magical Thinking right now. I can’t help but feel like all the signs are good (fender benders excluded). While there may still be some debris to clear, outlooks are bright and I’m excited.
However, if the Universe is just a bigger bitch than even I thought, if the Universe even gives a diddly squat about me, and She is just setting me up: lots of optimistic signs, personal change and silver linings… only to actually apocalyptically fall apart, then, She has an even wickeder sense of humor than me. The joke may be on me at the end of 2012, but then my theme song for 2012 is all set: Cue R.E.M folks, and ignore me if I’m dancing when it all falls down; ’cause (if) it’s the end of the world as we know it, I feel fine!
Note: I am putting together a Facebook page for the blog. Check it out and hit Like (I’m optimistic about that too). Understand that I am a tech idiot and it’s not done yet… which means I have not figured out how to do some things. Middle Man is back at school and I have to figure this out on my own. But, it’s up! Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/TalesFromTheMotherland
Stop! Really. Read this. Please note: If you enjoy these posts hit “Like” and make me smile. It also helps my blog grow and that is the point. Go back and hit Like. Thanks. Then, be nice and “Share” them with others; ’tis the season. Better yet Like them; Share them and then do something nice for yourself: “Subscribe.” You won’t get any spam, you can sign up with an anonymous name (I won’t know who you are, unless you tell me), and you will get an email each time I post. Think of it as a Holiday gift to yourself. You know you want to. Go ahead, make my day (sorry about the gun, but this is serious business).