What Happens in Vegas…

… Comes out in soundbites only.  Even if you think you know what it means, or who said it, any explanations stay in Vegas. It’s worth noting, the trip got off to a “colorful” start, and stayed that way.

Note:  These were not necessarily in this order, and we came home very tired.

“We’re riding the big one.”

“I blew twenty, to see fifty.”

“Why wait for fifty, when I’m used to a dollar?”

“I have to sit up to suck this. It’s just too big.”

“Hip? Am I hip? I think I’m leaving the VIP lounge, and you’re still standing in line smart boy.”

“Bitch spice,  Poppins spice, Texas spice and Everything spice… watch us walking away.”

“I prefer leather between my toes.”

“Are you writing this down? I mean really, write this down!”

“Damn, I think I texted that to the wrong person!”  Is that sexting?   “Not technically.”

“I want a mango party in my mouth too!”

“I’m just sayin’, some of these girls need a mommy, to tell them that lycra is not always a good thing.”

“We’re going to need a six pack a day for sure.”

“Man, this is one time when you really don’t want to get called on!”

“Ahh, the smell of cigarettes in the morning. Yeah.”

That just wasn’t good in my mouth!”

“I’m not leaving this spot.”

“You are really cool; I like you!”  Yeah, I get that a lot; but we’re done now. 

“Right now, blue is definitely my favorite color.”

“I may take up skating.”

“I’d like to tap that!”

“There’s a store with that name… wait, is that you?!”  I really can’t answer that.

“No, I’m not obsessed with nipples. It’s for the post, and there’s sure no shortage of them in Vegas!”

“Of course, this will be when I finally meet Johnny! I would have to pass.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s naked.”

“Tomorrow morning… is gonna be epic!”

“I don’t want to carry around a big one.”

“You can definitely bounce a quarter off her butt.”  Yep, I’m pretty sure a quarter would be lost on mine… no, I mean really lost… disappear…”

“Well sister, that looks like sex on a trapeze to me.”

“One kiss, and we’re in!”

That my friends is a gunt; but there are wenises everywhere.”

“I prefer lingerie and high heels.”

“Did you see that coming?”

“I sure as hell never carried a 6 foot penis around with me.”

“Here, I owe you for the underwear.”

“Wheel. Of. Fortune!”

“I want to eat that muffin!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t strap it on.”

“It was definitely the beets. I’m so done with beets.”

“Did anyone else bring condoms? I just want to know.”

“I had two big ones and one small.”

“Real housewives of Bellingham in the house. No, it hasn’t aired yet, but it’s gonna be big!”

“Let’s burn her toes.”

“Turns out I’m pretty good at handing out porn.”

“Fat vagina. That’s the problem.”

“We’re from Canada!”  Reeeally? We love Canadians!   (“Oh missy, you just be quiet now!“)  Well, Calgary is very different from B.C. We’ll give you that. 

“Yep, this may be a problem.”

“Ask him if it’s big enough for the three of us.”

“Do you think chocolate can actually kill you.”  Probably, in this quantity.

“You have to go all the way down.”

“She’s on fire!  Let’s try quarters.”

“Forget circles, you need to do figure eights!”

“I bet the sale of pink bows went way up, after they saw her nipples.”

That was definitely groping.”

“Ok, settle down. We’re leaving now… it’s quiet time.”

“Frankly, I’m sick of girls who have ridiculous heels on and can’t walk, drunk people and… well, obnoxious people.”  Yeah, me too. That’s why I shut the door connecting our rooms.

“I still think a U.S. parking lot is not an unreasonable idea.”

** And that my friends, is three nights in Vegas… in soundbites, and a nice short post for Sunday. I’m in recovery.

Finally, a challenge to readers:  In my quest to get rid of stuff, de-hoard, clear things out, reclaim my office and closets… I’m offering a challenge. For each new Like on my Tales from the Motherland Facebook page, I will donate 2 things. If you want, I’ll donate it in your name!  I’m currently at 73 likes and hoping to get to 100.  Hit the link here, and then hit the like button for the page… not the post, for the page.  (Read this, if you don’t know what I’m talking about) Trust me, this is a big step for me… but clearly I’d sell my soul to the highest bidder!

Stop! Really. Read this.  Please note:  Check out the Facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/TalesFromTheMotherland.  Please take a moment and like the new Facebook page (the page, not just a post). If you enjoy these posts hit “Like” and make me smile. It also helps my blog grow and that is the point. Go back and hit Like.  Thanks. Then, be a good doobie and “Share” them with others; it’s nice to share. Better yet Like them; Share them and then do something nice for yourself: “Subscribe.” You won’t get any spam, you can sign up with an anonymous name (I won’t know who you are, unless you tell me),  and you will get an email each time I post.  Think of it as a free gift to yourself.  You know you want to. Go ahead, make my day (sorry about the gun, but this is serious business).

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
This entry was posted in Daily Observations, Honest observations on many things, Humor, Musings, My world, Sarcasm, travel, Uncategorized, Women, Women's issues, Writing, Yee haw and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to What Happens in Vegas…

  1. Hi ,
    Hitting the Like on you fb page if you’ll do on mine -set up for the book.
    Thanks! (and spread the word!)


  2. Laughing out loud! Great post of the snippets of conversations from Vegas! Sounds like you had a blast. 🙂



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