Friday Fictioneers: Here Comes The Flood


friday-fictioneersFriday Fictioneers: a weekly flash fiction group: it’s fun; it’s challenging; it’s highly addictive! “The following photo is this week’s PROMPT.  What stands out? What type of story does it tell you? Tell us in a hundred words or less.” Each week Rochell Wisoff-Fields leads the show. Check out her blog, Addicted to Purple, for more details or to throw your hat in the ring. This week’s photo comes from Sandra Cook.

Thank you for all of the kind words of support and congratulations last week. It meant a lot to me!  As always constructive feedback is welcome.

© Sandra Cook

© Sandra Cook

Here Comes The Flood

 (100 words)

A thundering roar blocked out all other sound, as the violent surge swept Kayla up and then pulled her under. She couldn’t breathe, or scream for help– her mouth covered and her senses twisted inside out. She felt her body breaking– her insides torn, as her arms and legs went limp. She squeezed her eyes shut and left herself, floating away from the life she’d known.

As her stepfather got up, he wiped his face with the red and blue fabric, and threw the soiled dress at her.

“If you tell your mother, I’ll kill you.”

Kayla drifted above the debris.

•     •     •

GIPY

Make me smile; HELP ME REACH MY 2014 GOAL:  I’d love to see the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page reach 500 likes in 2014. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, it’s where I’mforced to be brief.  Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. I love to hear what readers think. Honest, positive or constructive feedback is always welcome. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, with no spam.  If you see ads on this page, please let me know. They shouldn’t be there.  ©2014  Please note, that all content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, please give proper credit. Plagiarism sucks.

About Dawn Quyle Landau

Mother, Writer, treasure hunter, aging red head, and sushi lover. This is my view on life, "Straight up, with a twist––" because life is too short to be subtle! Featured blogger for Huffington Post, and followed on Twitter by LeBron James– for reasons beyond my comprehension.
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96 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: Here Comes The Flood

  1. Amy Reese says:

    Terrible! I was just reading a story where two family members are lost in a flood. It’s such a chilling thought, and to think this guy would do it on purpose. We’re supposed to have a huge storm coming our way! I hope no flooding.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Here Comes The Flood | ugiridharaprasad

  3. Zenith says:

    I wanted to participate in this flashfic thing but am having some issues. I’ve written my piece so what do I need to do next to actual enter it? leave a comment on her page with a link and make sure to include the prompt and link to her page on my own?

    Like

  4. Mike Lince says:

    I should be used to the twists in your tales that move so abruptly from the metaphorical to the literal or vice versa. Perhaps that is the trick to the 100 word challenge – to lead the reader one direction, then suddenly pivot to another. At any rate, you caught me off guard once again with the clever counterpoint to your opening scene. – Mike

    Like

    • Thanks Mike. Hopefully you read the story I intended. Using metaphor is always tricky. I don’t generally like to spring major twists, but sometimes it works that way. I saw this photo and immediately knew I wanted to go with total disaster and chaos… and that lead me here. I love your feedback, Mike. It always makes me think.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This is scary. Poor girl. I hope she escapes from him. Very nicely written.

    Like

  6. This punched me in the guts, Dawn. It was bad enough when I thought the poor people were drowning, but you very cleverly and aptly turned that on its head. This is superbly written and structured with a powerful emotional response. Brilliant!

    Like

    • Thanks so much Karen! I wanted the metaphor for drowning, and being sucked under, to really drive home the idea of childhood sexual abuse. I really appreciate your very kind feedback.

      I was thinking of you all week. I assume your home now? So sorry to have missed a chance to meet you face to face… next time!

      Like

  7. Oh my, I wasn’t expecting that from your title. I had to sit down for a moment to recover! You packed a lot of punch into 100 words.

    Like

  8. Dawn, You very effectively turned it from being swept away in a flood to sexual abuse by having the child using her mind to survive. What a horrible thing, made worse by it being right in the home where a child can’t excape and is afraid to tell. I hate to think how many children are suffering from that abuse. It makes my heart ache. Well written Dawn. — Suzanne

    Like

    • Thanks so much, Susan. Childhood sexual abuse is always a vile and and horrific thing, wherever it happens, but yes, I imagine that being abused in your own home must really make it that much more painful. I always appreciate your feedback, S!

      Like

  9. Very impressive how you are writing!
    Maybe it is not important if people understand your post in your way. Everybody understands it his or her way. That is the point of literature. Do you know Kafka? He is a good example for this.
    And your post is definitely a piece of art. Congratulstions!

    Like

    • Thanks Esther. I really do believe that each of us brings our own ideas to reading, and what others see in this story is as valid as what I intended to write. I appreciate you visiting Tales From the Motherland, and taking the time to read and share your thoughts; thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Sandra says:

    Skilfully done with consummate savagery. You had me here. Well done.

    Like

  11. Wow! Really well written; such a strong metaphor for an awful thing.
    Claire

    Like

  12. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Dawn,

    This was excellent. To say more would be to muddy the waters. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  13. Dear Dawn,

    Once I realized what was going on I went back and read it again. I find myself wanting to do things to the stepfather…with a rusty blade.

    Well written and stunning.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  14. That was so grim! So well written. And a perfect take on the image.

    Like

  15. draliman says:

    That started dark enough, with me thinking the girl was drowning. Then when you reveal the truth I wonder if drowning would have been preferable for her to what is actually happening?
    I reread the first paragraph after I saw what was going on, and you did so well to make everything you wrote fit both the drowning metaphor and the truth.

    Like

  16. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Well done, Dawn. You are a master of “Show, don’t tell.” And this 100 words shows exactly what’s going on.

    Like

  17. mamaheidi60 says:

    Amazing how just 100 words can wring such an emotional response out of readers, me included. I’m left a little numb.

    Like

  18. It was hard to hit like on this. Very well done. There are no words to explain sexual abuse. Alicia

    Like

  19. plaridel says:

    great use of metaphor. it left me breathless. it made me cringe.

    Like

  20. Jan Brown says:

    An important story, written with deep feeling as well as skill. The metaphor draws the reader in, makes us actively think and empathize. The cruel way he uses her dress to wipe his face was a masterful scene. So much packed into 100 words…well done!

    Like

  21. Chilling.. such a horrible metaphor.. and these days when I expect that we’ll soon have all the remainder of the Tsunami of 2004… Just 2 weeks away… Still the metaphor worked perfectly for me.. and made the stepfather’s deed all the more chilling.

    Like

    • The 2004 Tsunami came to mind for me too, Björn– hard not to see water and devastation and not think of that horrific event. However, I saw devastation on a more individual level. I knew, almost instantly, where I would go with this. I always appreciate your feedback; thanks!

      Like

  22. Stunned.
    Great writing, but …..

    Like

  23. Valery says:

    Gasp. I knew you would take this somewhere unexpected. I noticed the girl’s mouth was “covered”, but I was still blown away by the metaphor revealed. Oh, you’re good.

    Like

  24. A descriptive story that allowed me to feel her drowning.
    It did not feel good.

    Like

  25. wildbilbo says:

    Ugly, ugly tale… and so very well written. Using the ‘drowning’ analogy for the assault was expertly done.
    KT

    Like

  26. Love this idea. I did something very similar to start my creative writing class every Monday.

    Like

  27. Honie Briggs says:

    Cringe! Whacked by the metaphor that felt like a two-by-four. You hit me hard with this one.

    Like

  28. liz young says:

    What a powerful story, and the storm metaphor portrayed the horror perfectly.

    Like

  29. Powerful. Seriously, very strong writing.
    ( I like your new pic)

    Like

  30. Ugh. And now I’m called HRS, Child Abuse Hotline, and the police. A whole flood of authority figure and agencies. We’ll see whose on the bottom next. Randy

    Like

  31. Oh, I got it! It was very clear! Excellent!

    Like

  32. Alice Audrey says:

    This one packs a wallup.

    Like

  33. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Dawn, Wonderful story that needs light. Too many vicious crimes go unreported and the scum perpetrators get away with heinous acts against children. Well done! Nan 🙂

    Like

  34. Very well written, horrific tale. The switch from the metaphor to the real-life cruelty works is a sudden one, and more disturbing for it.

    Like

  35. Margaret says:

    The metaphor is brilliant. It’s a very effective way of writing about an action that is horrible to contemplate. Your portrayal of the child’s defensive tactic of dissociating from what’s happening takes the reader right inside her mind. And the small details of the dress and the stepfather’s callous words give it a real punch. Great writing.

    Like

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