Friday Fictioneers: a weekly flash fiction group: it’s fun; it’s challenging; it’s highly addictive! “The following photo is this week’s PROMPT. What stands out? What type of story does it tell you? Tell us in a hundred words or less.” Each week Rochell Wisoff-Fields leads the show. Check out her blog, Addicted to Purple, for more details or to throw your hat in the ring. This week’s photo comes from Sandra Cook.
Thank you for all of the kind words of support and congratulations last week. It meant a lot to me! As always constructive feedback is welcome.
© Sandra Cook
Here Comes The Flood
(100 words)
A thundering roar blocked out all other sound, as the violent surge swept Kayla up and then pulled her under. She couldn’t breathe, or scream for help– her mouth covered and her senses twisted inside out. She felt her body breaking– her insides torn, as her arms and legs went limp. She squeezed her eyes shut and left herself, floating away from the life she’d known.
As her stepfather got up, he wiped his face with the red and blue fabric, and threw the soiled dress at her.
“If you tell your mother, I’ll kill you.”
Kayla drifted above the debris.
• • •
Make me smile; HELP ME REACH MY 2014 GOAL: I’d love to see the Tales From the Motherland Facebook page reach 500 likes in 2014. Have you stopped by to spread some fairy dust? Follow me on Twitter, it’s where I’mforced to be brief. Most importantly, if you like a post I’ve written, hit Like and leave a comment. I love to hear what readers think. Honest, positive or constructive feedback is always welcome. Click Follow; you’ll get each new post delivered by email, with no spam. If you see ads on this page, please let me know. They shouldn’t be there. ©2014 Please note, that all content and images on this site are copyrighted to Dawn Quyle Landau and Tales From the Motherland, unless specifically noted otherwise. If you want to share my work, please give proper credit. Plagiarism sucks.
TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND 
Terrible! I was just reading a story where two family members are lost in a flood. It’s such a chilling thought, and to think this guy would do it on purpose. We’re supposed to have a huge storm coming our way! I hope no flooding.
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Actually, the flood is just a metaphor here, Amy. This is a story of sexual abuse. I wasn’t sure if readers would get it, so I’m interested in seeing what other comments indicate. You never know with FF… so many great stories, and each readers sees what they see. Thanks for your feedback. 🙂
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Oh, maybe because I am so focused on our weather here, I took it literally. I can see how it as a metaphor now. We are expecting the Storm of the Century here, so…. I will be rereading your story. Thanks.
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Well done, Dawn. Now it’s really horrible. I’m not sure how I didn’t see it now. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
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I wasn’t sure what to say in comments… I really do believe that what each reader brings to this and sees, is part of the magic of FF. No answer is really wrong, except when a writer has a very strong attachment to how it’s viewed. I wrote it with a story in mind, but I love that each of you brings something else to the party. 😉 Thanks for taking the time to read it twice, Amy!
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Oh no, your story is definitely there, Dawn! Make no mistake about that. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. Maybe because I read it first on my iPhone. That’s a pathetic excuse, and of course, being tired. Naturally! 🙂
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NOTHING pathetic about you, Amy! No worries. 🙂
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Ironically, it’s storming here too… for real. 😉
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I bet it is! It’s supposed to be high winds and heavy rain. I hope so!! 🙂
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We’ve had high winds (really high) for 3 days now, and rain for 2.5… crazy stormy! You guys really need that rain!
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Oh wow! We’re going to get it good then! They are supposed to have 100 mph winds in the Sierras. Right now, it all seems like talk. Just a little cooler and breezier out there so far. 🙂
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Feels like 100 mph here!! Branches down everywhere, potted plants, etc… it’s been crazy here!
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Wow. I’ll let you know how things go here.
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Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Here Comes The Flood | ugiridharaprasad
Thanks so much for sharing my work… week after week! It is much appreciated.
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I wanted to participate in this flashfic thing but am having some issues. I’ve written my piece so what do I need to do next to actual enter it? leave a comment on her page with a link and make sure to include the prompt and link to her page on my own?
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I think I figured most of it out so sorry for clogging up your blog; if you wouldn’t mind checking mine out just to make sure that would be very helpful
http://thoughtsuntraveled.wordpress.com/2014/12/11/friday-fictioneers/
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No problem! That said, I’m still not sure what you think about mine… even after 2 comments. 😉
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I apologize I get a bit selfish when im focused. I always look forward to your work and I love your writing style. Much different approach than mine. 😀
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No worries. I was kidding, but it was kind of funny. 😉 I’m really glad you were able to figure it out and join the group. It’s wickedly addictive!
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No. Zenith, you look for the little frog at the end of Rochelle’s post. Click on it, and you add your link where it indicates, then your photo and name of the piece. See Rochelle’s post (the link is in my intro) and then hit the frog LinxIn.) Once you figure it out, it will be easy. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and good luck!
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I should be used to the twists in your tales that move so abruptly from the metaphorical to the literal or vice versa. Perhaps that is the trick to the 100 word challenge – to lead the reader one direction, then suddenly pivot to another. At any rate, you caught me off guard once again with the clever counterpoint to your opening scene. – Mike
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Thanks Mike. Hopefully you read the story I intended. Using metaphor is always tricky. I don’t generally like to spring major twists, but sometimes it works that way. I saw this photo and immediately knew I wanted to go with total disaster and chaos… and that lead me here. I love your feedback, Mike. It always makes me think.
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This is scary. Poor girl. I hope she escapes from him. Very nicely written.
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Thank you. I really appreciate your feedback.
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This punched me in the guts, Dawn. It was bad enough when I thought the poor people were drowning, but you very cleverly and aptly turned that on its head. This is superbly written and structured with a powerful emotional response. Brilliant!
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Thanks so much Karen! I wanted the metaphor for drowning, and being sucked under, to really drive home the idea of childhood sexual abuse. I really appreciate your very kind feedback.
I was thinking of you all week. I assume your home now? So sorry to have missed a chance to meet you face to face… next time!
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Oh my, I wasn’t expecting that from your title. I had to sit down for a moment to recover! You packed a lot of punch into 100 words.
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Thanks so much. I really appreciate your feedback. That it impacted you so strongly is icing. 😉
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Dawn, You very effectively turned it from being swept away in a flood to sexual abuse by having the child using her mind to survive. What a horrible thing, made worse by it being right in the home where a child can’t excape and is afraid to tell. I hate to think how many children are suffering from that abuse. It makes my heart ache. Well written Dawn. — Suzanne
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Thanks so much, Susan. Childhood sexual abuse is always a vile and and horrific thing, wherever it happens, but yes, I imagine that being abused in your own home must really make it that much more painful. I always appreciate your feedback, S!
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Very impressive how you are writing!
Maybe it is not important if people understand your post in your way. Everybody understands it his or her way. That is the point of literature. Do you know Kafka? He is a good example for this.
And your post is definitely a piece of art. Congratulstions!
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Thanks Esther. I really do believe that each of us brings our own ideas to reading, and what others see in this story is as valid as what I intended to write. I appreciate you visiting Tales From the Motherland, and taking the time to read and share your thoughts; thanks!
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Skilfully done with consummate savagery. You had me here. Well done.
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This comment has made my day; thank you Sandra. Coming from the consummate master, it means a lot. 🙂
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Wow! Really well written; such a strong metaphor for an awful thing.
Claire
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Thanks so much Claire. It spun in my head all day, and then wrote itself in minutes, one draft. The stories that really pull at me are like that.
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Dear Dawn,
This was excellent. To say more would be to muddy the waters. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Mahalo, Doug. I really appreciate your feedback.
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Dear Dawn,
Once I realized what was going on I went back and read it again. I find myself wanting to do things to the stepfather…with a rusty blade.
Well written and stunning.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Yes, a rusty blade would be good. As always, thanks for taking the time, and your wonderful support. Shalom!
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That was so grim! So well written. And a perfect take on the image.
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Thanks Patrick. Your feedback is much appreciated.
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Reblogged this on seanwolfee.
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Seabwolf, thank you so much for sharing this post. I appreciate your thoughtfulness
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It’s a pleasure. Sorry for the late reply. I have been ill for so many months. Just started work.
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So sorry to hear that you’ve been ill. I hope things have turned around? Best wishes for smoother times ahead!
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Sure. Thank You
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We can form an ally
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That started dark enough, with me thinking the girl was drowning. Then when you reveal the truth I wonder if drowning would have been preferable for her to what is actually happening?
I reread the first paragraph after I saw what was going on, and you did so well to make everything you wrote fit both the drowning metaphor and the truth.
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Thank you so much Draliman. I wanted it to be clear and camouflaged, at the same time. I’m glad you got it, and appreciate your wonderful feedback.
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Well done, Dawn. You are a master of “Show, don’t tell.” And this 100 words shows exactly what’s going on.
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Thank you SO much Cathy. You have no idea how many times my writing group has handed me something back, and said “show us, don’t tell us.” It’s sweeeet to finally figure it out! 😉
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Amazing how just 100 words can wring such an emotional response out of readers, me included. I’m left a little numb.
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Thanks Heidi… and sorry for that. Raw stuff can go a lot of different ways for readers. I appreciate your continued support.
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It was hard to hit like on this. Very well done. There are no words to explain sexual abuse. Alicia
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As someone who has worked with this for years and years… I have lots of words, but I could only use 100 here. 😉 Thanks Alicia.
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great use of metaphor. it left me breathless. it made me cringe.
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Thanks Plaridel… I suppose that is exactly what I intended. I appreciate your comment.
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An important story, written with deep feeling as well as skill. The metaphor draws the reader in, makes us actively think and empathize. The cruel way he uses her dress to wipe his face was a masterful scene. So much packed into 100 words…well done!
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Thanks Jan. This is the kind of feedback that really makes my day!
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Chilling.. such a horrible metaphor.. and these days when I expect that we’ll soon have all the remainder of the Tsunami of 2004… Just 2 weeks away… Still the metaphor worked perfectly for me.. and made the stepfather’s deed all the more chilling.
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The 2004 Tsunami came to mind for me too, Björn– hard not to see water and devastation and not think of that horrific event. However, I saw devastation on a more individual level. I knew, almost instantly, where I would go with this. I always appreciate your feedback; thanks!
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Stunned.
Great writing, but …..
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Thanks AnElephant; prescient you stopping by!
I am curious though, but what?
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But, oh, my dear lady, way too dark, too horrific, to be enjoyable.
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Thanks for clarifying, AnElephant. Yes, very dark and horrific… but as someone who works with/around abused kids, I really believe that until we can read/hear/ understand their stories, talk about it without saying “it’s just too horrible to discuss,” etc, these kids will continue to feel that they can’t speak out.
This is not directed at you, truly, but it’s something I think a lot about. Thanks again for your honest feedback; I really appreciate that!
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I am not saying it is too horrible to discuss, my dear lady, just that it is too ghastly to enjoy.
Power to your pen, these things need to be exposed.
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Exactly. I knew what you were saying, sir, and so appreciate your candid sharing.
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Gasp. I knew you would take this somewhere unexpected. I noticed the girl’s mouth was “covered”, but I was still blown away by the metaphor revealed. Oh, you’re good.
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Thanks so much Valery. Knowing your devotion to working with kids, I also know that this one must have been hard to read. Thanks for always being so diplomatic. 😉
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A descriptive story that allowed me to feel her drowning.
It did not feel good.
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No, a dark place for children to live, for sure. Thanks for your thoughtful, honest feedback.
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Ugly, ugly tale… and so very well written. Using the ‘drowning’ analogy for the assault was expertly done.
KT
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Thanks so much, KT. Yes, ugly indeed!
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Love this idea. I did something very similar to start my creative writing class every Monday.
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I’m a little confused: what did you do that was similar? Are you referring to Friday Fictioneers, flash fiction, or something else?
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The photo prompt. 🙂
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🙂
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Cringe! Whacked by the metaphor that felt like a two-by-four. You hit me hard with this one.
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Thanks, Honie. I’ll take that as a compliment from you. 😉
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Please do. Caught me completely by surprise just like a good story should.
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What a powerful story, and the storm metaphor portrayed the horror perfectly.
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Thank you so much, Liz. I really appreciate that.
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Powerful. Seriously, very strong writing.
( I like your new pic)
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Thanks so much, Audra. As someone who really admires your writing, that means a lot!
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Ugh. And now I’m called HRS, Child Abuse Hotline, and the police. A whole flood of authority figure and agencies. We’ll see whose on the bottom next. Randy
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Thanks Randy! That’s what more people need to do: be aware and get involved. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
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Oh, I got it! It was very clear! Excellent!
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Thanks! Your response is… priceless. 😉 Thanks for stopping by TFTM; it is much appreciated.
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This one packs a wallup.
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Dear Dawn, Wonderful story that needs light. Too many vicious crimes go unreported and the scum perpetrators get away with heinous acts against children. Well done! Nan 🙂
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Very well written, horrific tale. The switch from the metaphor to the real-life cruelty works is a sudden one, and more disturbing for it.
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Thanks so much. I’m glad this worked for readers… even if disturbingly well. 😉
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The metaphor is brilliant. It’s a very effective way of writing about an action that is horrible to contemplate. Your portrayal of the child’s defensive tactic of dissociating from what’s happening takes the reader right inside her mind. And the small details of the dress and the stepfather’s callous words give it a real punch. Great writing.
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Thank you so much, Margaret. I really appreciate your thoughtful comment.
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